Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want ds1 to have a party because we've NOWHERE to store the 30-odd presents he'll get?

81 replies

LovelyWalters · 04/01/2010 19:46

I'm not being a killjoy, honest!

Ds1 will be 6 in a few weeks, and dd will be 3 a few days after. Ds1 has just started school and so far has been to about 6 parties at various soft-play places etc. Everyone in the class appears to get invited - I don't think they're at the stage yet of choosing who comes, iykwim. There are about 26 children in his class.

Every time I drop him off at a party I see a mountain of presents, which I just know consists of endless amounts of plastic tat. We live in a small house with very little storage, and nowhere to put more storage. If we have a party for him I just don't know where we could put his stuff!Especially after the deluge of presents he was given at Christmas. Plus becuase it's dd's birthday too I'd feel obliged to throw a small party for her (she's at nursey and it would only be for a few dcs, probably in the house = more plastic tat).

Any suggestions? It's not that I don't want to let him have a party, it's the aftermath I can't bear! He's a great kid...oh maybe IABU, I want him to have fun! But what can I do re presents?

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 04/01/2010 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moondog · 04/01/2010 19:52

Er..just say no presents.
I always have and always will.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/01/2010 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PeedOffWithNits · 04/01/2010 19:55

have a small select few to the party, or ask for no presents - donations to a charity if you prefer

i am going to face this soon with DS's 5th birthday. with his sisters we did whole class parties when they were 5 and 6, but as you say, it's where to PUT it all

i don't know what the feeling would be if you made it known you were having a list of small gifts like sox/crayons/a puzzle/ a ball etc for guests to pick from like a wedding list?! If you word it right other parents may well feel relieved and copy your lead rather than be offended

cloelia · 04/01/2010 19:55

If I were you I would send out the invitation with a sentence along the line of" rather than bringing a little present for x, we would be really pleased if you would just bring him a £1 coin; then afterwards we will buy him a present from you all." Seems mean to deny him a party. Also I would join up the two children's parties and say the same thing to the parents of the other child.

deepdarkwood · 04/01/2010 19:55

I reckon your options are:

  • don't have party/have smaller party - special trip for a few kids is fine at 6 5'd say
  • have party and ask for no presents - bear in mind some people will think you are nuts
  • find another child who has a party around the same time as your ds & ask if they'd like to party share - then make clear to invitees that you want them to only buy for one child - then at least you only get 15 rather than 30 bits of tat
LittleSilver · 04/01/2010 19:56

OP thank you so much for starting this thread. DD1 is having a party for her 5th and I too was thinking exactly the same (hate hate plastic tat that fuels consumerism materialism and landfill sites). I second the no present rule. Or, I'll do it if you do it?

Original poster
LovelyWalters · 04/01/2010 19:56

I would go for the 'no presents' thing but think it's a bit unfair on ds1 - he's seen what the birthday child gets at previous parties and would be upset if he got nothing. Seems mean.

Am becoming more inclined to just say 'only boys' - only problem with this is his best wee friend seems to be a girl, so it would seem strange if I said he couldn't invite her!

OP posts:
Littleknight · 04/01/2010 19:57

I've taught 6 year olds and never understood why the whole class were invited to parties - surely just too many children to supervise? also at 6 years of age children form their own friendships and they dont usually like everyone in the class despite us teachers saying 'we are all friends in class blah blah'!

castlesintheair · 04/01/2010 19:58

Just ask them to contribute £1 towards something DS can buy. It's very popular round here! Or like moondog says, specify 'no presents' on the invite.

PeedOffWithNits · 04/01/2010 19:58

I quite like cloelias idea, would that be accepted /have you tried it?

my brother asked for no presents but £10 a head towards the reception (meal for about 30 guests) when he got married - could you ask for a plate of party food instead of presents?

Original poster
LovelyWalters · 04/01/2010 20:02

well - am truly liking the asking for £1 instead - and think the other mums would breathe a sigh of relief. It's all so expensive! Honestly, every other week I'm buying some kid that I don't know a gift, plus the card and paper etc - it's usually at least a tenner, isn't it? I mean, you don't want to be seen as the tight-arse, do you?

Might run the £1 idea past a few mums and gage the responses....

OP posts:
helpYOUiWILL · 04/01/2010 20:02

My ds (6yrs) had a "theme" for his bday at a soft play area. It was starwars so i got some serviettes, cake, posters etc.

ANYWAY.

I then wrote a little ditto on the invite in a starwars themed way and asked for toysrus gift card instead. He got £200 in gift cards!! which he spent over the next few months

pointydig · 04/01/2010 20:02

The only reason you wouldn't organise a big party is because of the presents? Seems odd to me.

Just give away the unwanted ones to charity shops or school fairs or local tombolas. People are always looking for lucky dip and raffle and tombola prizes.

handbagqueen · 04/01/2010 20:02

On the invitation we said that my DD would prefer a donatation to a children's charity she chose rather than presents. It worked well and rose £400 for the charity.
The parents all thought it was a great idea and my DD was really proud of herself helping out lots of other children. She asks to do the same each year now. DD and her friends have a great time at the party.

This was done after her 5th birthday and the 3 binliners full of presents she had no interest in or wanted.

PeedOffWithNits · 04/01/2010 20:06

damn, I have a hitch with the asking for £1 idea now, i will be outing myself as an MNer

Original poster
LovelyWalters · 04/01/2010 20:08

pointydig - I have no issue with the organisation of a party, and have done it many times before - it's my experience that the vast amount of plastic crap that is accumulated is barely looked at once the wrapping is torn off and it's just more shit for me to deal with!

Handbagqueen - your dd sounds like a lovely wee soul. Must work on ds1's charitable side.

OP posts:
Batteryhuman · 04/01/2010 20:08

Put half the presents away in a box and regift them over the rest of the year. you'll have to be sneaky about it but there are bound to be duplicates.

cat64 · 04/01/2010 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

helpYOUiWILL · 04/01/2010 20:10

the duplicate and crap plastic tat problem was why i asked for gift cards - so much better!!

MilaMae · 04/01/2010 20:15

Id be fuming if somebody asked for a giftcard,I think that's really rude.

pointydig · 04/01/2010 20:18

I'd think it was rude too.

WhereChaosTheoryRules · 04/01/2010 20:20

I dont know if this will help but i am one of three and we are all born in the same month (yes it does speak volumes about my parents) but my mum used to do a birthday treat rather then a party. we got to take 1 or 2 close friends for a nice activity. One year it was to an icecream parlour for a large icecream, another year it was a trip to a cinema, another year it was joint with one sibling and we went horse riding.

The treats were really nice and meant that 1. celebrating a birthday wasnt too expensive and 2. there wasnt a lot of tat in the house.

PeedOffWithNits · 04/01/2010 20:20

milamae, really - would you not feel that was better than buying a duplicate or something that would be unplayed with/given to charity shop/raffle/passed on to next kid who has a birthday?

MilaMae · 04/01/2010 20:20

I also wouldn't want any of my dc having £200 to spend.