to not want ds1 to have a party because we've NOWHERE to store the 30-odd presents he'll get?

[LovelyWalters]

I'm not being a killjoy, honest!

Ds1 will be 6 in a few weeks, and dd will be 3 a few days after. Ds1 has just started school and so far has been to about 6 parties at various soft-play places etc. Everyone in the class appears to get invited - I don't think they're at the stage yet of choosing who comes, iykwim. There are about 26 children in his class.

Every time I drop him off at a party I see a mountain of presents, which I just know consists of endless amounts of plastic tat. We live in a small house with very little storage, and nowhere to put more storage. If we have a party for him I just don't know where we could put his stuff!Especially after the deluge of presents he was given at Christmas. Plus becuase it's dd's birthday too I'd feel obliged to throw a small party for her (she's at nursey and it would only be for a few dcs, probably in the house = more plastic tat).

Any suggestions? It's not that I don't want to let him have a party, it's the aftermath I can't bear! He's a great kid...oh maybe IABU, I want him to have fun! But what can I do re presents?

What do you put in the party bags? Any plastic tat?

Actually, I do try and make them nice partybags. I collect stuff over a few months. I HATE loads of sweets in partybags too. I usually collect unusual things, little wooden bracelets, nice stationary, a nice interesting lollipop (did I really just write that?) little things from Hawkins Bazaar (wooden tat I guess). But everyone always says they are great.

£200 birthday money for a 5 year old is ridiculous, IMO. I know I my view is probably being coloured by being on a low income but still...

Um ....just invite a few friends ?

can't believe people are writing that they wish their DCs friends had just given them a homemade card instead of some 'plastic tat'.It sounds very churlish and ungrateful.

Why? That's only £6-£8 per person if the whole class come and if everyone gives a gift voucher.

Giving a 5 year old £200 to spend is a ridiculous thing to do.

It's not how it came to be it's the 5 year old going round and choosing him/herself £200 worth of toys. Why does any child need that after a birthday and a party?

As I said before you're just creating greed.

Also I'd be hard pushed to justify myself being let loose with £200 to buy non essential fripperies after a birthday and party.

It's consumer society gone absolutely mad and not a good thing to starting teaching young kids.

hmm, tell me about your nice interesting lollipops

You don't give it to the 5yo (6yo, actually, which does make a difference) you spend it for them, and they then write, or at least sign, thankyou notes stating what the guest's gift bought them.

If every guest spent 6-8£ on a piece of plastic tat, there would be £200-worth of rubbish cluttering up the house. This way there's £200-worth of useful stuff, taking up a small space in the house. The amount is the same - what difference does it make how the money is spent?

You have a low opion of everyone if you think all they can be 'bothered' to get is 'plastic tat' . I buy books or smellies or pyjamas. I have no problem with what people have taken the time to go and buy, you sound ungrateful and snobby.

The difference is that people consider gift-buying as a personal choice, the amount they choose to spedn will vary quite a bit but will remain unknown to the receiver. To be left without that choice and to haev to hand over plain cash instead of a chosen gift is why a lot of people will see it as rude.

Also, some people will be giving a gift they received in the past that was either a duplicate or just not liked. In that case, these people would have been paying nothing but still giving a nice present.

I have never ever bought a child a present and thought 'here's some plastic tat I can give'. I have always thought I bought nice presents that would have provided some use or pleasure.

I also have the same predicament , dd1 birthday 13th Jan and dd2 18th Jan.
However dd will have party and will be greatful for any presents she recieves. I whilst inwardly groaning at the amount of presents i have to store will press on.
They didn't choose to be born straight after xmas and let's face it it is going to be the same every year!!

The difference is instead of cold hard cash they have presents that people have kindly chosen for them often with their children,they aren't going out and choosing items for themselves they don't actually need after having had a load of stuff they probably chose for their bday. How do you explain it to your child? "Yes I know you've just had a bday and a party but here you go have another £200".

It's just revolting and a sad state of affairs when bday party presents aren't deemed good enough so precious is entitled to £200 instead. Children should just appreciate that children actually turn up and spend time with them at their party-presents are a bonus.If the presents your child receives aren't good enough just say no presents,most parents would respect that.

My dc don't really get piles of expensive tat from bdays, they've had lovely non expensive things and they've been appreciative of everything. We don't do whole class as a rule and most of the mums round here are sensible and stick to £4/£5 like me. We've had some lovely things over the years. My ds still cherishes his tin harmonica from Hawkins he got given 2 years ago.

Never done whole class parties -
a) couldn't afford it and
b) why would DSs want to invite people who they don't normally play with?

Should say though, that it is often the 'cheap, plastic tat' that gets played with far more than good quality toys and is in some ways far better value for money!

Just say on the invite no presents and give guests the option of making a donation. One invite my dd got specifically said their house is too small to accommodate presents and the child will be getting enough presents from relatives. I read it and thought, fair enough!

See the "plastic tat" a lot on MN when it comes to childrens parties, makes me think people are very ungrateful that a gift does not meet their standards.

I always try and ask what the child likes but do keep a generic box of items for short notice etc.

I'd never give cash or vouchers in asked for as would feel that was very rude.

I think the DCs like the 'plastic tat' -it is the parents who have the problem with it.

the reason i dont want my dd to have presents is because i detest the idea that bringing a present is a condition of attending the party. my reasons for no presents are in no way because the presents received are not good enough, not 'needed', or do with lack of storage space. i think there is a LOT of pressure to give presents. this 'obligation' seems to be ever-expanding - in terms of price, want, quality and to at least match when reciprocating to the giver for THEIR future party.

my dd received a toy kitchen set when she was 3. the appliances were miele, yes MIELE. it made me go . it was from a child from a wealthy family, admittedly, but it was too much. i thought id have to buy a similarly expensive gift when the child had her party, then thought against it. i bought a bunch of flowers for the mum instead. mum said pressure she under to 'give big' as people know they are well off and expect it. but few children at party - she suspects due to their perceived expectation to buy expensive gifts.

i couldnt bear any of this and have taken the firm stance of a NPP (No Presents Policy). as far as im concerned, they party that my child has IS the present. end of.

however i do send dd with a gift to parties she attends. sometimes even to give after school for someone who is not having a party.

Well I am having a whole class party for my 6 year old's party in two weeks time. I suspect we will be snowed under with presents but I think I will just keep/recycle/regift and rehome some of them. I have done the small parties at home prior to this, but this year I am biting the bullet of a whole class party because I think it would be great to give an opportunity for him to have a non-school social event. He hasn't settled down to a core of friends and even the kids that he has had altercations with "he wants to give a chance" (his words).

I don't imagine we'll ever do it again and will settle back into smaller parties of about 12 kids max but I feel this is worthwhile doing. I should add that I can only entertain the idea because I have found a venue that charges £60 for 25 children with a big space, bouncy castle and ballpit and a room for you to cater for yourself. Home baking, a few sarnies, jelly and crisps a bit of music won't cost that much on top. Couldn't have entertained the idea of doing it this way in a softplay type of venue at £8 a head though!

I too would be uncomfortable asking for vouchers - I could have said "no presents" but the invites have gone out now (oops!)

I think the gift card idea is great, it doesnt require wrapping, and even comes with a card. My middle son is 5 at the end of jan, and I think he would love to buy something he trully wanted instead of lots of little gifts. You could sell it to the other parents as an attempt to make life easy, and be green. Will begin penning the invites this evening.

I went to a nice party where the mum said No Presents but put out a charity collecting tin for something like Save the Children and if you wanted to, you could put some money in it. The kid was only 3 though so no pressure from him to add to the plastic tat mountain. But I thought that was a great idea. Also love the £1 idea, brilliant.
I've approached it in various ways - throwing out/taking to charity a whole load of tat BEFORE the birthday to make room, also once (politely and sweetly) suggested everyone to buy Lego so we just ended up with one boxful of really useful play kit. Our school tends to do "everyone must come" parties in reception, then go down to just their actual friends after that. By the time they are six, they are all so big and noisy, 30 or so to deal with is a real nightmare.

I really don't think you can dictate the presents. It is presents or no presents. I would never give a gift card or money.

Thankyou boysaloud for your support.

Everyone i spoke to about this thought it was fantastic idea and they only got the bare minimum on the gift card which is £5.

My son was not allowed to spend it all in one go and it was spaced out over several months. To be allowed to have any of the gift cards he also had to earn them with good behaviour.

His previous birthday was a ben10 theme and all the presents were ben10 related and were expensive (also mostly duplicated). I therefore knew that as my son was having a starwars theme the same would happen - and i therfore did the gift card thing to save friends the expense.

Each to their own as they say...

also thanks to Hando - we obviously think alike