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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ban MIL's new rescued Rottweiler from the house?

127 replies

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 19:00

MIL and SIL came to stay with 5yr old Rottweier bitch from rescue centre, she'd been abandoned.

I have DD and DS both under 3, the dog growled at them a few times then properly snapped (but not an actual bite) after DD toddled too close on her way past. I whacked dog and got very cool treatment from MIL as a result. I now insist dog not welcome in our house.

MIL thinks dog's just "a bit grumpy" and I overreacted. Bearing in mind I am a long term dog owner, have an MSc in Animal Behaviour, will forgive dogs most things, (but not this) can anyone reassure me I'm not just another neurotic mum?! How on earth can I get MIL to understand?

OP posts:

midori1999 · 04/01/2010 20:38

I just don't understand why apparently experienced of knowledgable people wouldn't do something the first time the dog growled and why the dog was put in a situation where it was forced to resort to snapping?

JaneS · 04/01/2010 20:41

Better safe than sorry. Tba, even if it were a jack russell pup that had never had any problems until the growling/snapping, I wouldn't care to have it in the house with two toddlers. A dog is only a dog; it doesn't always understand first time round what's right and what's wrong, and small children break easily.

Bella32 · 04/01/2010 20:43

and a for good measure.

Original poster

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 20:48

midori: wasn't there for growl, heard bout it later. Tricky standing up to people who claim to know what's going on and are quite forceful in their opinion that nothing's wrong ("she's just grumpy"). That's why I posted, to make sure I'm not being unreasonable. Clearly I'm not. Your advice is good, I'm not disagreeing.

OP posts:

Bella32 · 04/01/2010 20:51

Midori's advice is spot on.

Having trouble keeping up with the rapidly altering sequence of events though, tbh...

Vallhala · 04/01/2010 20:54

I echo Midori's question.

Additionally, YANBU to tell MIL the dog is unwelcome, not least because it's your home, your rules. YABU to "whack" the dog, from the POV of human safety and of cruelty as well as creating a situation whereby the dog associates children with being whacked. Not big and definately not clever!

Your problem comes when you want to visit MIL - you will need to discuss this in earnest as you won't be in a position to lay down the rules in her house (although you can of course refuse to go if her response to your comments and requests is unsatisfactory. Hope it won't come to that.

It's a gut reaction to say "WTF was the rescue playing at..." but it's not always that simple. They may have known this Rottie has issues, in which case they are deplorable, but sometimes a dog can be a dream in rescue kennels and turn into a complete little git in the home, once away from the security of his familiar place and pack. My local rescue has a JRT which is just like this - a darling in the rescue but will snap in the home. Until such a dog displays this there is no way of knowing it's going to happen.

I hope your MIL gets it all sorted and that her new pal has a long, happy and well-behaved life with her.

Original poster

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 20:56

growls were earlier in the day when children nearby and i was cooking meal, i was told later. only witnessed the finale which was v sudden.

OP posts:

Bella32 · 04/01/2010 20:57

So why did MIL - with 50 years experience - allow the situation to continue?

Bizarre.

Vallhala · 04/01/2010 20:57

Sorry PaddlingMadly, I see now that you weren't aware of the growling.

Vallhala · 04/01/2010 20:59

How old is this dog?

lucyellensmumagain · 04/01/2010 21:04

oh - absolutely NOT being unreasonable, im not sure i would have had a five year old rescue rottie in my house with my children anyway. I used to have a rescue rotweiller and it took us a good six months to iron out his behaviour issues, which didnt present themselves straight away. There was no way i would have had him around children at the begining and was always very aware that he could be unpredictable around small children. You just don't know a rescue dogs history - its not worth the risk.

Incidentally, a lot of the dog attacks in the news recently have been by grandparents dogs - they are not "their" children so no loyalty iyswim.

lol at the outrage at whacking the dog - its a rotweiller lol, it probably didn't even feel it!

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 04/01/2010 21:07

YANBU and it doesn't matter what MIL thinks, it's not her children she's putting at risk. Well done for getting her told.

Original poster

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 21:09

5 yr old they think. Dog and MIL mutually smitten, won't hear a word against her. I don't get it either. In which case am v v relieved am not being unreasonable.

OP posts:

lucyellensmumagain · 04/01/2010 21:10

I too am stunned that the rescue centre allowed your MIL to take the dog if she was going to have small children visiting. You say the dog was abandoned so no way of knowing history - just like my dog, he was looked after by the wonderful behavioural rehab guys at battersea dogs home and they were there for us every step of the way - we had a 14yo at the time with rottie experience and i have worked with dogs for over ten years. I was told that he had "issues" but nothing surfaced for the first two weeks, which is exactly what the guy at battersea told us - he was in the car more than once ready to go back!! Thankfully we kept him and he turned into a wonderful dog - three years later and i was pregnant with DD2 and i reluctantly had to admit i would have to rehome him - it was taken out of my hands as he died when DD was about six months but there was no way i could have kept him. I did have a rotweiller when DD1 was small, but i had him from a pup.

Either that or your MIL was economical with the truth when she filled out questionaire, i felt like i was being interviewed to adopt a child when we got our dog!

Original poster

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 21:12

PS when dog arrived was told that they felt certain it was used to children. later found out the "trial" child was 11yr old, whole different ballgame. 20/20 hindsight.

OP posts:

Vallhala · 04/01/2010 21:14

Sorry, Lucy has pointed out to me that the Rottie is 5 years old. This leads me to wonder... what were the rescue thinking of?

If your MIL has 50 years experience of dogs she is surely in her 70s? (Apologies if I'm wrong again!). I'm not sure of the sense in rehoming a large breed, intelligent dog which needs a fair amount of input, to a person of that age, despite the fact that the in-laws have the time needed for him. There's more to owning a young-ish large breed than just having time. I'm not sure that any of the rescues I work alongside would have considered it unless the adopters had something particularly special and relevent to offer. Very odd.

That said, Lucy, to be fair to rescue, not all dogs in their care are without history - dependent on the individual rescue many come from family homes with good background information.

lucyellensmumagain · 04/01/2010 21:16

which rescue was this paddling? it just seems madness - what did they do - see how the dog reacted to a child, in controlled conditions where the dog wouldn't have expressed its true behaviour. Rotweillers have a behavioural quirk where they are particularly sensitive to eye contact - it can promote what is called the rottie stare - quite unsettling, especially as it will often be followed by an attack (this was something my dog did when we first got him), young children are just at the right level for their eye contact to be intimidating to the dog - a potential time bomb. What were they thinking?

Original poster

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 21:16

lucyellen about your rottie. sounds like he had a good life before you let him go, kudos for seeing it through before decision was made for you.

OP posts:

lucyellensmumagain · 04/01/2010 21:18

vallhalla, yes, you are right most rescue centres re home responsibly and wont even consider a family with young children or visiting children. Our dog was at battersea for six months while they worked on his behaviour and found him a suitable home, and even after that time new behaviours manifested themselves in a home environment - scary.

lucyellensmumagain · 04/01/2010 21:22

oh thanks paddling, it was very sad - he wasn't a lucky dog - he was only about five when we lost him to bone cancer. I still feel guilty now for considering rehoming him and im not sure my DP would have fogiven me but i knew i couldnt keep him once DD mobile. i was in the process of trying to find him a home when he got sick - poor bastard I couldnt bring myself to return him to battersea as he suffered from kennel stress, was a biter (he bit me several times when we first got him and battersea wont rehome a biting dog) and would definately had been put to sleep. I still miss him

Vallhala · 04/01/2010 21:23

Lucy asked what I didn't dare! Which rescue is it?

She's right too about the age problem ime and imho. The JRT I spoke of above is great with my 12 and 14 yos and if I could I'd take him in a heartbeat despite his unpredictable behaviour (because I feel I have the experience to deal with it, as have DDs, and that the rescue know us personally and would, I hope, agree). I'm buggered if they or I would home him to people with teeny grandchildren though, that would be insane!

Again though, to be fair to the rescue, like that JRT, the rescue may not have known that this girl was a potential problem.

Bella32 · 04/01/2010 21:23

Which rescue was it, Paddling?

Vallhala · 04/01/2010 21:25

Lucy, you're an angel for perservering with your Rottie and should be proud of yourself for your compassion. My heart aches for you and I'm damn sure he was a lucky dog to have found you.

Original poster

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 21:26

Seems eye contact knowledge not known to them, will make it known. Thank you. (it was stupid to mention my own background, i'm not a pet behaviourist).

Re how into her possession, I was as surprised as everyone on here. Evaded questions on the details. But remember it's my MIL who is great in many other ways and treated respectfuly by her children(flamers: I know I know) so not my place to probe at the time.

Sorry, there must be a special page somewhere on MN for MIL difficulties...

OP posts:

Original poster

PaddlingMadly · 04/01/2010 21:31

Initially went to NCDL then somehow first met dog at another location, that's the hazy bit. So I guess either (a) unintentionally misled rehomer or (b) rehomers didn't anticipate the problem. Sorry no exact location even if knew it.

OP posts:

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