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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want my DP to go on a work trip two hours away when our first child is due in 5weeks?

74 replies

DorindaG · 02/01/2010 17:52

My partner is due to go on a trip with work about two hours drive away, and our son is due Feb 6th.
He says he'll take the car and stay sober so he can get back if anything starts. The trip is at the end of January.

I'm really worried that I'm going to end up giving birth alone, or calling on my best friend, and he's going to end up missing the birth altogether.
He reckons he'll get back in time, but I can't help stressing that;
He'll drive like a maniac
He'll get stuck in traffic
The birth'll be really quick and he won't make it back in time

_ I think I'd find it very difficult to forgive him if he missed the birth of our first, and probably only child for the sake of visiting another site on a fact-finding thingy that could just as easily be done after our son has arrived.
He seems to think that I'll have plenty of notice when labour starts, and I won't be in proper labour for hours, but I've so many stories from people who've only realised they were in labour like an hour before the little one popped out!

OP posts:

MumNWLondon · 02/01/2010 22:13

YABU - 2 hours isn't far away, so the chances of you going into premature labour, and him not making it are really really remote. Might be different if 2 hour flight away....

My DH works a 70 minute commute away every day and it wouldn't even cross my mind that he shouldn't go to work when I am due! And this is #3 so have 2 other kids to worry about and it will no doubt be quicker. I will be working until 38 weeks and make once a month train trip to Liverpool (I usually based in London) and will be happy to do this until around 34 weeks.

TBH even if this would when you are due would be fine as long as he promised to have his phone on him at all times, as chances of having to go into hospital within 2 hours of first signs of being in labour with first baby is quite unlikely.

mumeeee · 02/01/2010 23:08

YABU, First labours are often quite long and your baby might be born late, DD1 was 2 weeks late and DD2 was 18 days late, He'll only be 2 hours away not the other side of the world so will have time to get back.

CurlyCasper · 02/01/2010 23:13

Not sure whether it's U or not, but I've tentatively agreed to my husband going on a week-long sports holiday abroad about six weeks before I'm due. Trying not to be selfish about it but do worry a little...

cat64 · 02/01/2010 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BirdyArms · 02/01/2010 23:26

This happened to me. I went into labour 5 weeks early when DH was working about 2 hours away and staying over where he was working. It all seemed a bit of a nightmare at the time, I was totally shocked at going into labour in the middle of the night with no DH, fortunately my sister lives nearby and came to hospital with me. The worst part was that bloody DH didn't answer his phone for ages and so got the second train back rather than the first. I has to have an emergency C section, though there was no huge rush, but if DH had got there sooner I could have had it earlier when my labour wasn't very painful but instead had to wait until I was in full on screaming labour.

With hindsight I wouldn't have let him stay over as he could have commuted there and I would most definitely have impressed upon him the importance of keeping his phone turned on loud and with him at all times. But I think 2 hours during the day is fine. If you're worried make sure you've got someone to call who can be with you whilst you're waiting for him.

liahgenisuptheduff · 02/01/2010 23:35

My dh works in London, we live in Kent. At best he could get home if he was in his office, (in Victoria) in 2 hours.

I am expecting dc#6 and will call him if it kicks off, hopefully he will get home, maybe not.

There will always be the stories of ladies who popped out first babies in an hour or so with not much build up but realistically it will take a while and your dh will have plenty of warning to get home in time.

however I do think you should talk to him about your concerns and how you feel about it, as you will be feeling stressed and don't want to end up getting into a state.

good luck, come on here and share your labour thread with us nosy bints virtual Doulas when it starts and we'll keep you company till he gets home.

NonnoMum · 02/01/2010 23:46

It's brilliant that your DH has promised to keep sober in case anything kicks off. My DH likes to tuck into the red wine of an evening. Every night from about 36 weeks onwards I'd see him pour the third glass and realise that it wouldn't be tonight he'd be driving me to delivery suite. So I slept soundly every night, and have always given birth in the afternoon.
After DC3, he rushed home to get onto the champagne, and sent me lots of VERY affection and admiring texts.
You'll be fine. Have good friends on stand-by. Not necessarily to be your birth partner but to gossip about your DH with...
Good luck.

LOL nosy bints...

Original poster

DorindaG · 03/01/2010 02:58

Thanks ladies! On the plus side I am a ten minute walk from the hospital. I'm going to speak to my friend tomorrow and get her firmly in place as a back up plan in case of travel-based hiccups. I'm sure she won't mind, and it will ease my worries about ending up in labour all on my own - which is what I think the issue really is; unfounded, irrational fears!
oh well, I guess if there's one time I am allowed to be an emotional, erratic woman it's now!
Bless you all.

OP posts:

GothDetective · 03/01/2010 18:05

Absolutely. Good luck.

chloe2910 · 04/01/2010 11:54

I posted something very similar, except my DP is going skiing for a week in France with his friends 4 wks before I am due. The general consensus was that I was being U, and on reflection I think I was being a bit precious. !0 wks to go now, and I thing I will be glad for a weeks peace by then!

2 hours is what many people travel to work daily, so really not a big deal.

pandora69 · 04/01/2010 14:40

YABU. I'm almost in hysterics reading about these women who won't let their husbands out from 28 weeks. I work for an airline and at the rate the pilot community is popping out babies there would be no need for cabin crew strikes if they all stopped travelling more than an hour away from 28 weeks.

Interestingly, I only know one bloke, among the many seemingly immensely fertile blokes I work with, who missed a birth. He made a good go at it though, it was their 3rd and the labour only took 3 hours and there is just no way you can get back from New York in that timescale.

When my OH declared his band was playing a charity gig 2 hours away from home the night I was due, I told him he would have to take me, the hospital bag and the car seat with him. So he did .

Fibilou · 04/01/2010 14:41

YABU and a bit silly IMO. It's only 2 hours away FGS.

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 04/01/2010 14:43

OP - are you serous?! Alot of people work 2 hours away normally.

My dh has flown in from abroad to be at a birth. As long as he has transport. I think it would be rare for your first born to arrive within 2 hours start to finish.

CMOTdibbler · 04/01/2010 14:46

I went into labour at 35 weeks when DH was 2 hours away, in a meeting with his phone off.

One of my colleagues came and took me to the hospital (hospital would have sent an ambulance if I couldn't have got someone then), and DH drove home like a maniac, and all was fine. DH and my colleague both tell the story with a lot of satisfaction

Feierabend · 04/01/2010 14:51

OP your baby is going to be at least a week late anyway so YABU

Good luck.

Fibilou · 04/01/2010 14:51

And if I go into labour in the next 2 weeks (before DH starts his paternity leave) I will be unlucky - he has cases at Crown Court (we're police) for which he will be uncontactable in a court room - apart from at breaks. So if I go in to labour at 9am I won't be getting hold of him until at least 12 - then he'll have an hour's drive home.

Work is work and I'm afraid you just have to accept that with the best will in the world, sometimes men just cannot be at your beck and call every minute of the day once you hit 30 weeks

kitsmummy · 04/01/2010 15:18

My first labour was under 6 hours from the first niggle to giving birth, and it was also 9 days early. If your DH can easily miss going then I'd encourage him too, as if I've read your post correctly you're talking about 2 weeks or less before your due date, not 5 weeks?

Original poster

DorindaG · 05/01/2010 18:38

Yes, kitsmummy it's about 6 days before due date.
Taking other comments on board, I suppose a lot of people's partners are far further away and unreachable. I suppose my original resentment came from the fact that he doesn't have to go. If he wasn't around I suppose they would eventually send an ambulance and not expect me to hotfoot it round there holding my knickers in place anyway.
I have a back-up friend, but she doesn't drive, and neither does anyone else I know nearby.

OP posts:

Casserole · 05/01/2010 18:53

Honestly, in the ridiculously unlikly event you go into labour in the brief time he's at his furthest away from you he'll still probably have time to WALK home to you.

YABU I'm afraid. But you know that really.

Good luck

purpleduck · 05/01/2010 19:13

You will be fine - but its very sensible to have a back up plan.

If you have any kind of show, or a great increase in braxton hics, or other early indicators of labour, then hopefully he will stay put.

You will be fine!!! Many women can't stand the sight of their partners during labour anyways!!

missmapp · 05/01/2010 19:17

My Dh drives almost that far to get to work every day, so Im sure it will be fine, but I can understand why you are concerened.

I remember when I was pg with ds1, DH was on a trip overnight a week before the due date. I phoned him in the morning at his hotel to tell him we had had heavy snow and to drive carefully, his voice when he answered the phone was hilarious- blind panic that id gone into labour, so it can be quite fun, aslong as its not really happening!!!!

littlerach · 05/01/2010 19:26

YANBU to be concerned

Dd1 (first child) was 5 weeks early and quite quick, about 4 hours once I got to hospital.

Dd2 was 9 days late (but only 2 hours)

6 days before your due date....you may have had it by then!

Yorky · 05/01/2010 19:30

DH was in America for a week with work, he got back on the Sunday DS (PFB) was born on the Weds, 4days early. I never thought of telling him he couldn't go
Labour was pretty quick in the end (waters went the day before) but only 9hrs from contractions waking me to baby - plenty f time for him to get back. A first is likely to take more than a couple of hours.
Did your mum have fast labours?

pregnantpeppa · 05/01/2010 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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