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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want my DP to go on a work trip two hours away when our first child is due in 5weeks?

74 replies

DorindaG · 02/01/2010 17:52

My partner is due to go on a trip with work about two hours drive away, and our son is due Feb 6th.
He says he'll take the car and stay sober so he can get back if anything starts. The trip is at the end of January.

I'm really worried that I'm going to end up giving birth alone, or calling on my best friend, and he's going to end up missing the birth altogether.
He reckons he'll get back in time, but I can't help stressing that;
He'll drive like a maniac
He'll get stuck in traffic
The birth'll be really quick and he won't make it back in time

_ I think I'd find it very difficult to forgive him if he missed the birth of our first, and probably only child for the sake of visiting another site on a fact-finding thingy that could just as easily be done after our son has arrived.
He seems to think that I'll have plenty of notice when labour starts, and I won't be in proper labour for hours, but I've so many stories from people who've only realised they were in labour like an hour before the little one popped out!

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 02/01/2010 18:12

Well if you think you are going to have a 2 hr labour... good luck to you.

edam · 02/01/2010 18:12

You are entitled to be a bit precious as a pregnant lady, especially a first-timer. But it'll be fine, really, for all the reasons everyone has given.

Nottingham's not that far from Yorkshire, even if your baby does decide to break the trend and arrive early and fast, he'll be back in plenty of time - just make sure he keeps his mobile on. Even if he's in a meeting, he can explain or have it on vibrate in his pocket.

nooka · 02/01/2010 18:13

I think that you are being perfectly reasonable to worry. You haven't said how long your dh will be away on his trip, but if it's the end of January he's going away and you are due at the beginning of Feb then that is very close IMO. Babies rarely come when they are supposed to - both of mine weer 12 days early, although neither of them was in a hurry to actually come out. So I wouldn't worry about the two hours so much, and more about the being away (I'm assuming one or more nights are involved?).

However I'd be pushing for him to go sooner rather than later - once the baby has arrived you won't want him to be far away as you'll need him to look after you.

hf128219 · 02/01/2010 18:14

When I was 39 weeks pregnant I was in London and dh was in Afghanistan!

WilfSell · 02/01/2010 18:16

2 hours?

You know he's right? And we all are?

And you're being a teeny tiny bit overthinking and overworrying here?

BrahmsThirdRacket · 02/01/2010 18:16

YANBU.

Even though your labour is likely to be quite long being a first baby, this is stressing you. You should not be stressed. I understand your worries that he might drive too fast/get stuck in traffic/something will happen. Maybe you're being a bit irrational, but you're not being unreasonable and you're entitled to be a bit anxious.

If it's not vital he should leave it, to ensure you have minimal stress.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 02/01/2010 18:19

I always remember our ante-natal teacher saying that this is something you worry about with the first one, and never with subsequent babies

My DH went off for a job interview in the middle of my labour

scottishmummy · 02/01/2010 18:19

understand your anxiety but you are bu and stressing and coming up with worst case scenario what if's.tbh,everyone has heard an tale of Mrs SoAndSo 1st baby popped out like a bar of soap whilst dh in shower/at work/in tesco and he missed it all..

BUT this is v unlikely and most 1st labours are long and dh dont miss the action

so good luck,and try stress less about what if's.

TigerFeet · 02/01/2010 18:19

Oh poor you, your hormones are driving you to irrationality

My dh's job takes him all over Europe, thankfully he could manage his trips to be ever closer to home as dd2's due date approached, but he was two hours away up to about three weeks before the birth.

I remember being scared shitless about it at the time but refusing to give in to it and admitting to anyone that I would rather he stayed at home - it would have done me no good anyway as he works in farming and has to time his trips according to growing seasons of various crops, and even a heavily pregnant hormonal nightmare such as myself can do much about that

In the end dd2 was 9 days late and I was in labour for 40 hours so no problems anyway.

nancydrewrocks · 02/01/2010 18:20

It took me four reads of the post to realise that there actually isn't a problem here.

You'll be fine.

BitOfFun · 02/01/2010 18:22

pmsl @ popping out like a bar of soap

That was like mine. Bloody big bar of soap though.

Heqet · 02/01/2010 18:22

I am now worried that we have the OP shaking and breathing into a paper bag by all going on about how loooooooooooong the labour will be!

you'll be fine, love. The first is always scary!

scottishmummy · 02/01/2010 18:29

stay calm.and accept baby is coming out soon on way or another.dont be too rigid about birth plan,just wait and see what happens

AliGrylls · 02/01/2010 18:43

Agree with the majority on this one. ScottishMummy says it best IMO.

Good luck for the birth.

scaryteacher · 02/01/2010 19:32

YABU - dh was somewhere under the ocean when ds arrived early; and probably would have been even if ds had arrived on time. He didn't know he was born until 3 days after the event.

Make sure you have Plan B in place in case it is needed.

GothDetective · 02/01/2010 19:48

YABU, my DH works 2 hours away every day.

Average first labour is 18 hours of established labour, so from 4cm to birth. You will have a lot of niggling before you get to 4cm.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 02/01/2010 19:57

YABU.
Labour with my first was 36 hours, baby was induced 12 days after his due date. Dh drove me to the hospital at 8 am, I told him, go to work and be back for 8pm. 8pm, and still no sign of baby. He was born 5 pm the next day.

To be honest, you rather want him 2 hours away before birth, than straight AFTER your baby is born. Trust me on this.

beammeupscotty · 02/01/2010 19:58

yanbu
If he can postpone it he should. Its your first baby. If you went into labour the last thing you need to be doing is worrying about him racing back up the motorway and wrapping the car round a tree. What if something went wrong and you or the baby were seriously ill (from first hand experience, yes it does happen) would you ever forgive him for not being there?. Im sorry I think he's being selfish. Most employers would be sympathetic and what the hell difference would one week make to his overall employment prospects. I think he has a choice here and it should be made in you and your babies favour.

Chulita · 02/01/2010 20:03

YANBU to worry about labour and him not being there but you've still got 5 weeks and most people get a lot of warning before the baby's anywhere close to squeezing out. 2 hours for an ordinary 1st labour should be fine.

islandofsodor · 02/01/2010 20:10

YABU. My dh was working 2 hours away when I had my 2nd. He currently works 6 hours away but we are not having any more.

caen · 02/01/2010 20:16

YANBU to worry but hopefully you'll realise from the posts that you have very little to worry about even with a quick labour.

BTW my labour was 'quick' for a first-timer, so eleven hours from waters breaking to birth. When I was screaming in pain at 2cm the bitch midwife gave me two paracetamol like she was doing me a big favour, wouldn't allow me to have G&A and told me it would be another seventeen hours or so before I was in established labour (and to go home) because it was my first. I was fully dilated and pushing two hours later. Do not keep all the long first labour horror stories in your head because when the midwife said that I broke down. Not helpful!

DaftApeth · 02/01/2010 20:23

Don't worry about it.

Just make sure that you ask him to keep his mobile on, charged and near him

nbee84 · 02/01/2010 20:24

My dh was working 3½ hours away when I had our 1st baby. I went into labour (waters broke) and was at the hospital at 8.30am. The midwife said baby would arrive around teatime. So I phoned dh and told him not to rush (didn't want any car accidents). He took me at my word and didn't leave until 10am . Meanwhile DD arrived at 12noon while dh was halfway down the M4!!!

ScreaminEagle · 02/01/2010 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/01/2010 20:53

YABU, its not that far away and plenty of people commute two hours daily anyway.

I worked until 38 weeks and went out and about on foot daily right up until my induction at 42 weeks - you cant stay in or plan not to go far for 5-7 weeks "just in case".