To just go away next weekend?

[CurseBetweenUs]

Since a week before christmas I have been stuck at home all day every day with 3 kids. My own and a DSS.

My own tend to occupy themselves but DSS clings. Nags for food constantly, hangs around in the living room all day every day in his pyjamas, whinges constantly ...

I told DP earlier on last week that it was getting too much and I needed a break. I got "umm" in responce. I added "it wouldn't be so bad if DSS occupied himself a bit and gave me a bit of time to myself" and he replied "oh well" in other words, nobody really gives a shit what you think, babysitter.

So I was kinda looking forward to this weekend as my kids are with their dad and DSS was supposed to be going to his mums. I was to have the day to myself. I've now found out however that DSS is NOT going with his mum because he can't be bothered. That means he is going to be stuck around me ALL DAY again.

It pisses me off because I manage to get my own kids looked after and I'm still stuck being a 24/7 babysitter.

Then to add insult to injury, DP went and got his days off changed for next week so he's working saturday AND sunday, leaving me with all 3 kids all fucking weekend.

I'm tired of it. I'm not well and I need some space.

AIBU to go away for the weekend next weekend. Forcing him to get a babysitter and then tell him what he tells me? "tough"

YANBU

I know it sounds stupid but I just want to cry I was looking forward to being on my own all week today. My head is killing, I feel sick, I can't even hear properly. I just want to be by myself.

Do it.

Can you physically take him to his Mum's, and bugger off somewhere on your own? Does he usually live with you, and just go to his Mum's for visits?

And as for your DP's response to you. Does he realise how utterly fed up you are? Seems a bit bizarre to treat his darling wife like that? It's quite shocking really.
How old is your DSS? Isn't his mother keen to have him back?

Or if you really can't make them take responsibility, arrange for somewhere for him to go for the day.

YANBU. Sounds like they've all forgotten you're a person too.

I can't physically take him. He's 13 and still in his pyjamas. His mum doesn't care less, if he doesn't go, its easier for her basically.

He does live with us and he never goes out ANYWHERE. Never plays with friends, never goes to any clubs, just hangs around ALL THE TIME.

He's just threatened to call child-line because we're trying to "get rid of him".

DP doesn't give a shit about my feelings. He says I'm just "having a moan" and that I'm moody. He doesn't realise how close to the edge I am. I just want to leave.

YANBU to feel like that. No wonder you feel like that what you are doing is a lot of work.

Your DP should be helping not leaving it all to you!

Are you able to have friends over? Perhaps that would feel like sharing the load for a day at least.

Dp needs to understand that looking after children is BOTH your work, not just yours because it is 'women's work'. What century is this anyway!

in the end DSS is his mothers responsibility not yours, she should be looking for answers not you. If you HAVE to look after him, it should be both of you.

God, poor lad, I hope he gets some sympathy from childline.

If he lives with you why are you not taking control and telling him to get dressed?

He is 13, not really a child in every sense.

Tell him to get dressed and then help find something that will occupy him.

He probably is clingy because he thinks nobody wants him, his mum doesn't, his dad doesnt and you are feeling so low you don't either.

I can see where you are coming from, though.

Take control and make it happen.

He is old enough to be left on his own for a few hours. Or tell OH that he needs to take control too and do something with him.

Can they go to the cinema together for a few hours to give you some peace?

Teenagers do tend to hang out in their jammies and slob about a bit, but I'm baffled that you feel you have to be there too if he's 13.

I was frequently left on my own at the age of 13. I'm a bit confused by why you are unable to? I wouldn't leave him overnight, but there's no reason at all why he can't be left for the day while you get on with things.

If I go out DP insists I take him with me, otherwise I'm "leaving him out".

If I co out without him, I'm neglecting him (yet its fine for me to take DSS out and leave my own kids at home!).

It sounds like the lad doesn't have any interests- does he actually have friends round where you live? Does he have the internet? Have you tried talking to him about he feels about things?
You definitely need to address this with your DP. I'd be more worried at his constant dismissal of your feelings. Do you do anything as a family or is he always doing things on his own?
Take the time away, for sure. He needs to see what it's like looking after the children alone. Or would he do what my friend's xp used to do and just call up his mum/sister to mind them for him...

thesecondcoming, I do feel sorry for him. His mum is a bloody waste of space and his dad can't be arsed half the time. I just can't take on the entire burden of it all right now. I can't be the 2 parents he needs. I'm not well, I'm fed up. I feel I'm neglecting my own kids for the sake of DSS. It's like my own kids are "CONSTANTLY" out of the way yet he is always hanging around. I would be pissed off if he was my son, yes. Before I moved in here, I insisted that my ex have his children every other fortnight. For their sake and to give me a break. Now, even though they're out, I'm still lumbered with one and nobody gives a shit how fed up/tired and down I am.

We do try with the "family time" but last time we played monopoly, he sat at the PC faffing on the internet telling DSS to "take his turn" every 5 minutes.

He said if I do go out, I have to find someone to look after my DC's as he's not prepared to be left with them all by himself. That just about says it all.

I'm actually talking to DSS via facebook at the moment. He's in his room, trying to make amends I think. Its not him I'm pissed off with I suppose

YOur dps good points are????

Seems like your just his free babysitter ride?

BTW my near 13 year old doesn't wake up much before midday, she then HAS to have a shower. I am very happy to leave her at home during the day for a couple of hours at a time. Also if I need my space desperately or am unwell she would respect me telling her "I am going to bed, do not disturb" etc In fact she would probably do stuff around the house to help/look after her half siblings etc.

No, before I moved in I was fed a load of shite about how his DS is away every other weekend, how he's "always with mates" etc etc ... he lied. I fell for it. I'm just a glorified babysitter I think/

I feel sorry for you and your DSS. The problem is your "D"P - he is neglecting his responsibilities towards his son and this is impacting on to you.

Does your DP know how you truly feel about all of this? Could this break your relationship?

Time to move on and move out I think!

Does your Dss have any friendships that you can nurter by having friends over etc etc.

I think at 13 you can honestly tell him that you do not feel well and really need your own space and then take yourself to bed. He can watch TV/DVD downstairs or in his room or something?

This could definately break the relationship. The thing is, it isn't about DSS not going to is mums really is it? its about DP's lack of interest in the whole thing. The way he see's it, he's doing "his bit" by going to work ... the fact that I'm lumbered with the kids 24/7 is just me doing "my bit" apparantly. I don't think he realises how it makes me feel though that my own kids are away for the weekend which is when I'm supposed to get a break and his is still here. All he'll say when he gets in is "oh well".

does your DP actually work 24/7 ??

I would insist that on your DP's next day off, he takes his son out for the day to give you a break.

You sound worn down and your DP is being a selfish tosser.

He should be stepping up to the plate to discipline this boy. I know how difficult teenagers are (I have one). His Dad should be insisting he gets up, dressed, helps around the house and gets some fresh air. He isn't a 2yo ffs. Why should you always be the disciplinarian, the one who has to nag?

The problem here is the self-centered prick of a partner you have got.

Oh well this says it all, he's just come in from work and hasn't even told DSS off. Just acted as if nothing has happened.

of course he hasnt - your dp sees women as unpaid slaves by the looks of it so his son treating you the same way is not an issue to him. Get out before your own children start to resent it.

Guess it's time to move onwards & upwards.

His poor ds though, but it's not your responsibility to sort him out.