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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just go away next weekend?

37 replies

CurseBetweenUs · 02/01/2010 12:02

Since a week before christmas I have been stuck at home all day every day with 3 kids. My own and a DSS.

My own tend to occupy themselves but DSS clings. Nags for food constantly, hangs around in the living room all day every day in his pyjamas, whinges constantly ...

I told DP earlier on last week that it was getting too much and I needed a break. I got "umm" in responce. I added "it wouldn't be so bad if DSS occupied himself a bit and gave me a bit of time to myself" and he replied "oh well" in other words, nobody really gives a shit what you think, babysitter.

So I was kinda looking forward to this weekend as my kids are with their dad and DSS was supposed to be going to his mums. I was to have the day to myself. I've now found out however that DSS is NOT going with his mum because he can't be bothered. That means he is going to be stuck around me ALL DAY again.

It pisses me off because I manage to get my own kids looked after and I'm still stuck being a 24/7 babysitter.

Then to add insult to injury, DP went and got his days off changed for next week so he's working saturday AND sunday, leaving me with all 3 kids all fucking weekend.

I'm tired of it. I'm not well and I need some space.

AIBU to go away for the weekend next weekend. Forcing him to get a babysitter and then tell him what he tells me? "tough"

OP posts:

MaggieMnaSneachta · 02/01/2010 18:58

Your partner is a user. he can come and go whenever he likes because he has a babysitter. he won't ever return the favour for you though!!

Tell the boy that you're not angry with him, you're angry with his Dad because you need some free time. i feel sorry for the boy, but i feel for you too. the boys dad is a user.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 02/01/2010 20:31

Tell him he is going to be looking after his kids, you're going out. Tell him you feel suffocated and you're thinking about leaving because he refuses to take any responsibility. You're entitled to a life aswell.

But I feel so sorry for DSS. He must feel totally unwanted and 13 is a confusing age as it is. Make him get dressed, take him to things that he could make friends at.

No wonder DP isn't with his x though- if she can't even be bothered to look after her own DS. But if neither of them are going to act as parents that puts you in a situation of having to, which is really unfair.

What a crappy situation.

scottishmummy · 02/01/2010 22:02

my god,you are hard.all this my kids,his kids.if you are a functional family they are your kids.shared responsibilities.you sounmd so mean talkin about your step son

do you show preference to "your own" kids

alicet · 02/01/2010 22:05

Um have I missed something - why should he have told DSS off?

alicet · 02/01/2010 22:08

I do think your dp is being a twat though and needs to step up to the mark and take his share of the parenting. so does this boys mum. And if he was due to go there this weekend then I would have told him that was the plan this am, got him up at a sensible time (10ish - not crack of dawn or anything silly) and taken him over. doesn't need to be done in an unpleasant manner - just an 'Sorry I have plans today dss so you will need to go to your mums as planned'

FiveSoloRings · 02/01/2010 22:12

Just what I was wondering alicet

Stephief · 02/01/2010 22:18

I think spet families need all parties to be willing to make it work. My partner and I have 10 kids between us. He has six with his ex wife, I have two kids with my ex husband and we have one child together. I differentiate between the kids as being mine, ours and his. Because thats what they are. They are not all OUR kids, so they will never be equals! I look after my three, if his other kids are here (range from 16 down to our baby who is 18 months) then he is expected to care for them, not me! This is a situaiton which works just fine for us!

Sounds to me like the OP partner is not being fair. If his son lives with them, he should be pulling his weight with his childs needs, not lumbering it all onto his partner. I feel sorry for the boy. My mum looks after my kids at weekends (long story!) so if dp's other kids were over for the weekend I wont be looking after them-I have weekends off! It would be his job not mine!

FiveSoloRings · 02/01/2010 22:33

Stepief, isn't that 9 between you or is my brain fog that bad?!

JaneiteIsTrite · 02/01/2010 22:36

He is 13. Leave him in the house with a DVD and clear off to town for the day. Coffee shop, museum, mooch around the shop. He doesn't need babysitting. if dp says he does, he stays in with him whilst you go out. Sorted.

Stephief · 02/01/2010 22:37

Lol sorry yes that is nine kids. No 10 is made up with another dd of his from another mum (we dont have any custody of her though!)
Should have added that bit lol!

Vallhala · 02/01/2010 22:42

My maths make that 9 too, FiveSoloRings"! Hey Stephief*, you seem to have mislaid a child somewhere!

Curse, as I read it your other half expects you to care for his 13 yo, a child who is old enough to be alone for a couple of hours and who shouldn't need spoon-feeding entertainment and attention 24/7, yet tells you that he won't care for your own children in your absence, so I'd say sod him. Tell him that you won't be available next weekend and that he'll have to change his work hours to look after his own DS and make sure you have something nice planned and are out the door early next weekend to enjoy it. Imho YANBU and he is taking the mick.

scottishmummy · 02/01/2010 23:00

op,maybe less fb and less internet more couple time.acknowledge some of the festering resentment that obviously exists

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