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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I will leave if In-laws come back to visit us on sunday?

51 replies

PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 22:52

Only for the duration of their stay I should add, not for good!

Spent all christmas with BIL and his 2 children, from 19th Dec until late tuesday this week, I had a huge argument with BIL on one day, DH on another (his was alcohol fuelled, mine was not!). His children are on a different time to my DD (jetlag, also they go to be later anyway) and DD has only just started to settle after christmas when we spent it with BIL and family, plus another BIL and family, plus MIL, plus had chldren christened. DDs toys got broken, and DDs bedroom, where they all slept, is still not tidy after they trashed it.

BIL lives abroad, has spent some time in London, and wants to come back for the day on sunday to trash our home again and break more of dds toys visit us before going back to london to fly home (transatlantic). Like we have not all had enough of them already!

I already told DH not going to happen as it will mean them staying overnight. BIL has just phoned from London. DH has suggested they meet halfway for the day (i will stay at home with our 4wk old son) and BIL is pushing to come here.

I told DH that if he comes here, I will leave with DD (so her routine is not disturbed again as they will stay in her room with her) and come back when they have gone. IF i do not leave, I will, at the very least stay in my room and DH will have to sleep on the sofa so DD can sleep with me and DS.

AIBU? (methinks not)

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 22:53

(should have read - DH had a huge argument with BIL not that I had a huge argument with DH!)

OP posts:
JacksmamaInAPearTree · 01/01/2010 22:54

I don't think leaving would be unreasonable... BIL sounds like a right twat.

Heated · 01/01/2010 22:55

Sudden case of swine 'flu or swamp fever?

Or how far away is MIL's?

FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas · 01/01/2010 22:57

I'd also have a sudden case of an illness, D&V is a good one.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:04

jacksmama you have nooo idea!

He swore at me, in front of DD, and she copied him . Not nice to 1)be sworn at in my own home and 2)hear my 3.5yrold say 'bloody fuck'. I did not kill him in order to save christmas, but it has tarnished my previously tolerant and hospitable relationship with him. And then, toys breaking and no apologies...the final straw. He said worse to DH but won't go into that.

Oh and having an illness won't stop them. 'we will take the chance, we won't see you again for ages. We will come and look after you' yeah, right, you mean like alast time when you said you would not be a burden to me with a newborn, would be out of my hair and take DD with you, and in fact buggered off to the shops or a walk leaving us with 4-6 children to keep an eye on!!!

I am quite happy to tell him I don't want him here as I have just simply had enough of him. But he is like a brick, nothing will get through to him once he has some idea. Unless I actually change the locks!

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JacksmamaInAPearTree · 01/01/2010 23:06

"Bloody fuck"??????? Ok - in what corner of the known universe is it acceptable to say that in front of a child???

I officially award him the title of "Twatmeister General". You can tell him I said that.

I'd leave for the day and let DH deal. No reason why you need to be around someone like that.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:07

After this argument I had with him, he came into my bedroom to talk to me, to apologise. I asked him to leave and he sat on my bed! 'pavlov, please talk to me' 'just fuck off will you, i have nothing to say right now' and DH had to say to him 'just get out of her face, she will not listen to your apology now'. I did eventually accept his apology for losing his temper for no reason, but only to keep the peace, and only after he had tidied my entire home

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Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:08

He actually said 'i am not bloody happy about {somrthing or other), why should i fucking accept this shit? i never get my own way...blah blah' and DD picked bits of it to repeat'

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JacksmamaInAPearTree · 01/01/2010 23:09

He has just been upgraded to "Twuntmeister General".

Or should that be downgraded.

What an idiot.

Go and spend the day with some lovely friends or family. Or go to an hotel and give DH BIL the bill.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:11

He also said fuck a lot more times, over and over about lots of things. And referred to me as 'your fucking wife' to DH during the argument. Because I did not want DH to go to shopping for electronic equipment immediately prior to us leaving for airport to collect family as we would not get there in time.

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Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:13

i like that title jacksmama!

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Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:15

he also said, during his apology 'i am sorry, i lose my temper easily, i shout at my wife like that' I said 'firstly, i am not your wife, and secondly, you should not talk to anyone like that, certainly not someone you love!'

SO i shall take it that IANBU!

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cocohasleftthebuilding · 01/01/2010 23:21

YANBU

JacksmamaInAPearTree · 01/01/2010 23:23

YANBU.

He Is A Fuckhead.

(acceptable use of swear word in this case)

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 01/01/2010 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mcflumpy · 01/01/2010 23:34

YANBU if it were me I wouldn't leave my home. I would however expect DH to support me by telling him to naff off. You have a young baby who needs to be at home with a stress free mummy. That should be enough reason for BIL to stay away and meet your DH halfway. Just be honest or get DH to be honest. Tell him you've seen enough of them on this trip and you need space but DH will go see him.

He sounds like a charmer...

Georgimama · 01/01/2010 23:38

YANBU. Answer is no. Perhaps I am a domineering bitch (hmm, perhaps?) but no one sets foot in this house unless I am happy with it. Do the same.

Send DH to say his goodbyes, but you have had enough.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:43

I think DH gets it now. He does not want me to leave, he would be very upset if I did actually leave. He knows his brother overstepped the mark over christmas and that he has outstayed his welcome. He has said he will tell his brother he is not staying here and if he insists on visiting again he will have to get a hotel and visit somewhere other than our home.

I have told him I have no issues at all with him telling his brother that i do not want him here. But DH said he does not want him here either so will say that neither of us want any more visitors.

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Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:46

Problem is, DH tells him no, and I heard him say 'not a good idea to come here, lets meet half way' and his brother is like 'well, i would prefer to come to see you so that is what I will do'. He is very good at manipulating, he is like, he would get a hotel, then visit us and stay so late the kids fall asleep here even though we ask him to leave, and then as the kids are asleep he is like, 'oh well we might as well stay now, i don't mind sleeping on the soda, its not problem'. This time, we cannot just say 'not a good idea' we have to say 'we do not want you here again, you have outstayed your welcome'. Its horrible to be forced into this position, for DH it is. After his behaviour, I personally do not care what he thinks of me!

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mcflumpy · 01/01/2010 23:48

Families....just as well you can't pick 'em...honesty definitely best policy might make him think twice next time...or might make him take your DH's advice and stay in a hotel...good luck and enjoy the peace once it's restored.

Georgimama · 01/01/2010 23:48

Do it then. Seriously, you are not in the wrong. He is trading on the fact your DH is too kind and too polite to say what you both really think. He's a loser. Tell him to piss off.

I've had quite a bit of wine. Post his number and I'll do it now.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 23:57

LOL georgie I would do that too, if DH would not absolutely kill me. Just for laughs!

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MadamDeathstare · 02/01/2010 03:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 02/01/2010 06:24

Pavlov - I tell you something, he would not be getting the chance to talk to me like that again in my home - end of.

I would ask DH to tell him that he is not to come & that if DH can't be forceful enough - then do it yourself.

YABU only if you don't put your foot down!!

He's a rude twunt.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 02/01/2010 14:21

I think DH is meeting him in Bath or somewhere now (we are in Devon). He is now fully aware that he is NOT coming here.

He is going to take DD so I can spend all day in bed look after my little son and DD can spend some more time being annoyed by and annoying her cousins.

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