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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I will leave if In-laws come back to visit us on sunday?

51 replies

PavlovtheCat · 01/01/2010 22:52

Only for the duration of their stay I should add, not for good!

Spent all christmas with BIL and his 2 children, from 19th Dec until late tuesday this week, I had a huge argument with BIL on one day, DH on another (his was alcohol fuelled, mine was not!). His children are on a different time to my DD (jetlag, also they go to be later anyway) and DD has only just started to settle after christmas when we spent it with BIL and family, plus another BIL and family, plus MIL, plus had chldren christened. DDs toys got broken, and DDs bedroom, where they all slept, is still not tidy after they trashed it.

BIL lives abroad, has spent some time in London, and wants to come back for the day on sunday to trash our home again and break more of dds toys visit us before going back to london to fly home (transatlantic). Like we have not all had enough of them already!

I already told DH not going to happen as it will mean them staying overnight. BIL has just phoned from London. DH has suggested they meet halfway for the day (i will stay at home with our 4wk old son) and BIL is pushing to come here.

I told DH that if he comes here, I will leave with DD (so her routine is not disturbed again as they will stay in her room with her) and come back when they have gone. IF i do not leave, I will, at the very least stay in my room and DH will have to sleep on the sofa so DD can sleep with me and DS.

AIBU? (methinks not)

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 02/01/2010 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmericanHag · 02/01/2010 19:24

Good solution, Pavlov. It would be a great solution if your DD wasn't going along. She shouldn't be exposed to your BIL, after the way he's behaved.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 02/01/2010 20:28

Oh not entirely sure anyone is going now. Apparantly there is snow in the area around Bristol and Bath, and BIL is now exhausted after spending time in London with his family, been in UK since 17th Dec, so think the drive might be too much shame.

I think he knows he has overstepped the mark with me, but i shall be happy to let him know. We used to talk on MSN regularly, i will take that opp to tell him when he is home exactly why i am unhappy. Holiday will be over and there is some distance then. I won't be rude unlike he was but will be truthful.

OP posts:
elvislives · 02/01/2010 20:35

I'm (very) near Bath and been in Bristol all day and it isn't snowing, and hasn't been.

(Not that that helps your problem at all)

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 02/01/2010 20:38

Oh isn't it? DH heard on the news it was either snowing or snow was due, one of the two. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking on his part then! I will tell him looks like it is going ahead then

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 02/01/2010 20:40

oh he got the information from a footie match being called off in Bristol due to snow apparantly, so it must be true right?!! Tomorrow is forecast for light snow shower, i said that is nothing, the roads will be gritted if he changes it to bristol, so it won't be a problem (i want to stay in bed all day now!)

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 02/01/2010 20:47

Hey pavlov, OT but did you ever get your weekend away?

elvislives · 02/01/2010 20:50

That's weird. We were at Horseworld, on the Bath side of Bristol, in wintery sunshine. Perhaps it was the top end?

Georgimama · 02/01/2010 20:51

I'm ten miles out of Bath and no snow here - horrible icy roads though. Still, if it puts BIL off, who cares whether the weather forecast is accurate or not?

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 02/01/2010 20:53

orm No. As a consequence of building work all going wrong, firing the builder, having to decorate extensively due to serious damage to our hallway and due to my continued sickness, it did not happen. My friends looked after my DD, and we spent the time painting. Exciting eh?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 02/01/2010 20:54

icy roads no problem for us, we have a landie. But as you say, if it puts the BIL off, no great problem!

Weather reports are not accurate though, my brother visited and went back to Durham area on wednesday, left early as really bad snow predicted all around where he lives, and he had a nice straight run due to no cars (fear of snow) and no snow!!!

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 02/01/2010 20:57

What a pain Next year?

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 02/01/2010 21:01

Yes, next year, DS will be almost a year and I am sure it will be fine to leave him for a night or two, or else we will just all go away together as a family like we did for our first anniversary (stayed in a yurt, twas lovely!)

OP posts:
Jacksmama · 02/01/2010 21:06

The word "yurt" always makes me laugh

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 03/01/2010 12:12

That man is so bloody rude and cheeky. He has taken a toy of DD's, because he wanted it for his son. He states only for the journey to London. A steering wheel.

And now, they are not meeting up because 'he does not feel like it' (yey!) so we will not get the toy back. I did not even know he had it in the first place. So, he said he will give us £20 for it. I just looked amazon. It is £30, he can buy a new one, he has internet, he can buy it now and it can be here by tuesday. I have told DH that he is to do this today.

And DH agrees he will not be staying here if he visits again.

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 03/01/2010 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

butterscotch · 03/01/2010 13:32

What an idiot he is at least he didn't come and stay though!

madamearcati · 03/01/2010 14:08

Ithink having this family to stay so long ,plus christmas to contend with plus having the DCs christened is a recipe for a hugely stressful situation.Of course your BIL was bang out of order to swear at you.

MadamDeathstare · 03/01/2010 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 03/01/2010 14:56

madamdeathstare luckily, she has not noticed yet, as we have hardly been out of the house and its a car toy! We should have a new one before she realises!

madamearcati yes I completely agree and we have now done it, and it will not be repeated, certainly not all of them and certainly not in the same house (although I am sure we will hook up somehow, for the sake of the cousins). However, this major argument we had, it occured on the 3rd day before all the other family arrived!! It is only for that reason he was not kicked back across the water!

OP posts:
WingedVictory · 03/01/2010 15:06

What lovely takers. BIL's children are going to think they can blow in and piss about breaking everyone's things, take things "for the journey" and never consider what hospitality for them costs... Perhaps no wonder they trashed DD's room?

Nice.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 03/01/2010 15:15

wingedvictory that is pretty much what happend when they were here. We actually spent the days around christmas in a rental place, and they just sort of helped themselves to DDs things without asking.

Thing is, BILs attitude is like whats the big deal, its only a toy and it will be replaced. He places no value on things that belong to others. It is only a toy, and we will get another one, and likely DD will not even know its missing before it is replaced, so i am trying to not to get to wound up by it, but he does not get the point that it was not his to take, even if he 'intended' to return it when we met up (but how could i remind him, or remind DH to remind him, if i did not even know he had it).

Luckily, DD is learning manners much better than either he or his children has. And I so pleased we have already been working to instill these values in her.

OP posts:
NinjaChipmunk · 03/01/2010 15:37

christ on a bike, you poor thing, he sounds like a mega arsehole. i feel for your family. my reposnse to when people like this ask to come and stay is no. just the one word, then they have no sentence to twist around and manipulate. your bils attitude is appalling, you should never take something that doesn't belong to you, especially from a child! glad your dh agrees about him not staying ever again

Georgimama · 03/01/2010 16:02

He stole your child's toy?

What a cock.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 03/01/2010 16:20

georgie aparantly not stolen...borrowed. Without asking. And not being brought back. Not the same it seems

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