To be reaching near fricking hysteria because of this?

[chegirlwithbellson]

I know I am so please, please calm me down.

Sorry to do yet another AIBU but I have tried this in special needs and not really got a response (not moaning about that, I know its a bit specific).

DS2 is nearly 7. He has global learning delay & auditory processing disorder. He was neglected as a very young baby and had a pretty traumatic first few years even though he first starting living with us at 8 weeks.

We had no PR for two years so had to do as we were told by SS and this pretty much revolved around his birth mother's wants. When that calmed down DD got sick and two years later she died.

He has issues but is amazingly resiliant and I love him so so much.

Anyway - the thing that is dementing me may sound trivial.

He has persistantly taken food. It tends to be sweet things. He has gone through 2lbs of sugar in a week before we noticed what was going on. We dont have sweets around the place often but when we do he manages to get hold of whatever is in the place. It doesnt matter where we put things he will take them.

He will eat icing, cake mix, hot chocolate as well as the ordinary temptations. He will also take indegestion 'sweets' (I am pg) and eat them by the packetful. I hide them but he will climb and dig them out.

I have tried talking to him, reasoning, shouting, going mad, sanctions et. We now have a cupboard in the kitchen with a (tiny) padlock on it. I couldnt stand the thought of the build up to Christmas being spoiled by him raiding anything I bought for special.

Its like a compulsion. I understand the reasons why he does it - from the obvious - he likes sweets, to the deeper - the need to fill an emotional hole due to the trauma in his early life etc.

I have just been in to tidy his room and found yet another pile of wrappers hidden under his chest of drawers. Including yet more indegestion wrappers. I had them hidden on top of a wardrobe, in a box with a lid!

I know its sounds stupid but I am in tears here. I just do not know what to do. Obviously we wouldnt normally have the amount of stuff in the house, I dont even buy buiscuts anymore because I cannot face the stress. I need to have certain things i.e. sugar and we will sometimes have other sweet things.

I hate getting so mad at him. I worry that he is going to get hold of something dangerous one day although we are really careful with medicines. Its because he seems to have no control over what he is doing (I am not making excuses, I know he can be plain naughty).

Sorry its long and garbled.

Time for a visit to your GP I think.There may be a physiological reason for this craving.Even Rennies etc are not safe for children to take in any quantity and you must secure all medicines well out of reach.I would see doc asap.

I cant think of any useful things only what a stressful time this is for you and would it be worthwhile 'hiding' sweets you know he can have?

Im no psychologist but the sweet thing i think equates to love and an emotional 'high'.

we did this a children, mostly because our parents hardly ever bought sweets

hot chocolate/glucose tablets/cereal/tonic water

I would buy a locked box and put all stuff in there and keep the key on you. Then I would buy a token amount of sweet stuff and give usual amounts during the day. Biscuit mid afternoon with a hot chocolate etc etc.

And then give a small amount of money to spend on a saturday for sweets/fizzy drink/biscuits (I know this is not a popular idea but work with me here)

And then ignore ignore ignore, stick with the plan nice and breezy DS would you like a biscuit, perhaps some sweets when you are out in the week just nice and non-bothered.

Sounds v hard for you though

Oh chegirl how sad for him and for you. Hoarding food isn't uncommon and is a perfectly natural response to things in his past as you will know.

It's hard. I have a very addiction-prone personality and I worry about my DC in the future. DD has started already with food. It's worrying.

I think it is way overthinking it going down the psy route, he is a child, children like sweet things, he is eating/taking things which are sweet

I too think you need to see your gp and insist he gets psycholgical help to deal with the reasons why he does it.

As an aside I wonder if the treatment my dd had for her problems could help your soon, I have mild APD and if I had more money would have the following treament.

www.inpp.org.uk/

Could he have Prader Willi Syndrome?

mii stealing and over eating etc is a well known big issue for children who have needed to be fostered/adopted.

I've no experience with anything like this, but I'm not surprised that it's driving you crazy: it sounds very stressful and not at all trivial. I hope you get some good advice and find a solution soon. xxx

There are people in the system who can help build a long term workable solution with his compulsion. Any plan of i believe you already know has to take into account his global disabilities.

Is he on the caseload of an ed. psych with the LEA? they have strategies to deal with children with this compulsions. They may be able to teach/tell you of one that you can adapt at home.

As already said, going through the GP is another option.

I had a total panic with my last pg when he got hold of the remigel. NHS direct told me they were safe but obviously I dont want him eating them at all. I now only keep a couple in the bedroom for me to have at night. The others were hidden on the wardrobe but now I will have to put them in the locked cupboard.

The neglect included lack of food when he was a newborn. I know there are theories that would suggest this habit is part of his mdeep memory. I dont discount that or that that it may be connected to feelings of insecurity etc.

These things make me feel worse.

Even if I knew for sure why he did it, stopping him seems impossible. Having outside, clear, un muddled opinions may help mme sort it out.

I'm hoping you're still getting support from Social Services - I'm assuming DS2 is your adoptive son from what you've said?

This does sound like the kind of behaviour that, as you suspect, can stem from early trauma, although my very limited understanding is that it's more common with children who have lived with their (neglectful) birth parents for rather longer than your DS seems to have done and had to forage for food.

SS should be able to help you access some more expert advice on how to help your DS to manage his cravings.

Can he cope, for example, with a biscuit after lunch and a pudding after dinner as long as he eats the meal? As long as he is filling up on the nutritional stuff first, would that be so bad?

Or would he still hoard?

Please go and see a doctor about this. This is not normal a physical cause needs to be ruled out and if not physical then psychological help.

It must be extremely distressing for you both please get some help.

Does he have any sort of diagnosis for his learning delay? There are conditions like Prader Willi syndrome (spelling?) that are, as far as I know, associated with learning disabilities which result in compulsive eating. Talk to the doctor

i agree with seeing the doctor and seeing if you can get a referral to a child psychologist to see if you can help change the behaviour

i also agree with Mii though that he needs to be allowed treats fairly regularly so that then they aren't treats, they're just something you have, and maybe that will take away their "specialness". we all tend to want what we can't have after all.

can you talk to him and explain why it isn't a good idea to eat so much sweet stuff?
ask him for ideas on how you can stop this happening- why does he think he does it? what does he think you could both do to help him stop? is there anything else bothering him? is there anytrhing he'd like you and him to do?

kids manifest issues in very strange ways...

will he talk about it? Would he come and tell you that he "needed sweeties" if you asked him to?

Sorry, just read on and someone has already suggested Prader Willi

I don't know anything about issues that arise from neglect and it sounds horrible for you if that is the case.

I did want to say though that this is also ime a NORMAL thing that other non-neglected children do. Sometimes I think people make it into a much bigger issue than it need be, would a 7 yr old really remember not being fed as a newborn - 8 weeks old?

Sorry x posted with most of you.

Thanks for your replies.

coco I have thought about PWS but he doesnt really have any other characteristics. He has chromosonal tests done and nothing showed up. His muscle tone is normal and he is fairly selective about what he takes. He doesnt have abnormal cravings.

I am not huge on sweets but we do allow them. We have always done 'sweetie day' on a saturday. I prefer the children to have them on one day rather than all the time. The kids are also allowed party food etc. So its not like we are super strict.

He will do it with crisps and lunch box type food (I found about 10 mini peperami wrappers in his last stash).

I have bought it up with a few profs but not really got much response. The after adoption people take it seriously but the tactics are quite hard to put in place with DS because of his language problems. They wanted me to explore how he feels when he does it but I couldnt get him to understand what I meant.

I was like mii, although at a slightly older age than your DS. I would eat the sugar (normally on other things though) and the icing sugar mixed with water and as many 'normal' sugary foods as I thought I could get away with without my mum noticing. I don't know why. As far as I know my siblings didn't. I was probably overweight as a young teen as a result but that went away when I was slightly older.

As an adult I wouldn't eat sugar but only because I can make cakes/eat toast with jam/ eat biscuits. I just feel compulsed to do it. I feel like it is part of my personality really. I don't like it but I don't feel I have any emotional/pschological issues as such. I kind of think that at least I don't smoke/drink/gamble/get in debt, which would be worse?

Trying to think what would have worked with me I totally agree with mii, keep stuff locked up, give some pocket money/control and allow some sweet stuff as part of a normal diet. I was allowed less sweets than other children when I was small and we didn't have pocket money so that might have been a factor.

Have you tried asking him, DS I understand it is nice/fun to have snacks etc but come and ask me first and we can decide together if it is ok? (and then perhaps giving when you wouldn't usually)

In the short term at least it may help with him taking inappropriate/dangerous things

Hi chegirl

Have you heard of pica? It is an eating disorder mostly associated with eating non-food items but might explain the eating of indegestion remedies?

Also it is closely linked with maternal deprivation and developmental difficulties.

If this was me, I would

• book an appointment with GP to discuss/rule out phsyical cause, and see if a referral to psych is something you want to pursue
• be very happy to have a padlocked cupboard
• let him have sweet stuff even daily - small choc bar, bag of sweets, whatever. As long as he cleans his teeth he will be fine and I would not consider this an unhealthy amount for a child, when you want to create an atmosphere of this not being one huge issue and stress.

-also remember that his delay means that you must judge his behaviour as if he were a younger child - and he's still only 6. I would really try and not read too much into it. The more it worries you the more it will become more than it needs to be, imo.