to expect some help around the home with something

[alypaly]

Im a single mum.Just had a blazing row with both my boys who are 21.5 and 17yrs
I have worked my butt off since christmas eve...with all the cooking,all the washing up,hoovering,shopping,DIY (tiling kitchen)

DS1 brought all his washing home from uni in his dirty linen basket. I washed it and put back folded in his basket supposedly for HIM to iron. As he has been back from uni nearly 3 weeks the basket is now overflowing with washed clothes.Zeroironed.

DS1 had 12 friends round on xmas eve for cocktails and nibbles...which i did, as it is tradition. DS1's girlfriend came for a meal on christmas day eve. We dont normally eat a big meal in the evening as we are stuffed from turkey lunch. But changed my day round ,had lunch earlier and then a meal in the evening for his GF.Dont mind that but noone offered to wash up. AIBU

Have spent days cooking up home made food from all the xmas left overs,freezing pies ,soups etc. Havent been out once over xmas.Trying to save money.
Keep reminding them to turn lights out..it looks like the national grid is full on in my house when they are both home.

They find it difficult to sort out whos turn it is to empty the dishwasher...always under protest...always 'ill do it later'

So finally blew tonight. The hours they spend on that computer playing on-line war games ,but they havent got the time to keep rooms tidy,help wash up ,iron. Ended up doing all DS1's ironing yesterday as i was sick of the sight of it piling up.
DS2 tried to say they had offered to help( are they in another world or is it me)...i must be going deaf cos ive never heard it. Do they not realise that dinner plates and pans dont go back into the cupboards on their own

I was so angry....DS2 tried to talk to me and i wouldnt let him speak ( feel awful about that now,but after he said 'you listen im talking' i saw red and told DS1 not to bother coming home from uni if he thought i was always nagging and told them both to go and find a cook and a cleaner as i had had enough.wonder when i am going to have a treat.

feeling realy miserable now as i really didnt mean to tell DS1 to stay at uni if he didnt like it.(but i was cross and upset)

starwbezza...normally am level headed ,but i had just reached the end of my tether...Normally not a shouter or screamer,so i think they had just pushed me a bit too far over xmas.

I am sure it has been a bit of a build up with something to do with me coping with them both alone from an early age. I think they see me as someone who turns their hand to everything under the sun. I do alot of my own DIY,(hence tiling the kitchen at this moment...in between posts...multitasking),have fitted a bathroom and built an archway in the lounge...and i think they think I can just cope.Did those things when they were little so they couldnt help me.

Ive had to do all these myself to stretch the finances out...needs must.

Its not that im tired...i just feel taken for granted...probably a normal woman emotion.Could do with a knight in shining armour to spoil me for a few days.Or even a night out. I have considered taking myself to the pub tonight but i dont fancy sitting there like Im on the pick up.

Wow you sound an absolute supermum.

Your boys are too lucky with you. I honestly think they will have problematic relationships with girls unless you ramp up your expectations of them. Having no DIY or cleaning or cooking or household skills is not going to make for a happy domestic life for them in the future. Anyone they settle down with is going to be seriously unhappy if they carry on this way.

However I do know how hard it is to fight battles like this and assert yourself against two immovable forces as teenage boys can be....their drive to do nothing can be unbeatable.....

First things first and that is to withdraw priveleges. No meals for friends, no washing, no re-arranging your day to accommodate girlfriends etc. Just enough so you can re-group and feel a bit stronger, and ready to lock horns about things. Because I do think you have to lock horns on this one.

Well done on a good start, although you have to watch out for backsliding - by them and by you! You've seen through a lot else, so you can do this.

thanks for you feed back...taken on board and noted. List of new years resolutions ...endless

Get some property details for one bedroom flats and plan to downsize. Stop feeling guilty. So what if they are upset, we all get upset, thats life. Never do their ironing. Purchase ready meals for one and let your sons look after themselves. Ban all visitors. Do favours on a quid pro quo basis only. Its your house, reclaim it.