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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DC4 after a 12 year gap and people keep saying...

61 replies

duchesse · 29/12/2009 01:00

..."Ooh, you'll have to have another one to keep her company!". All I can think is "No, no I don't have to have another." I think she'll be fine as an "only" child.

Older siblings are 12, 14 and 16 years older.

Any comments? How do only children of elderly parents fare in the main? Will she be horribly lonely when the older ones have all left home (probably by the time she's 7)?

OP posts:

feetheart · 29/12/2009 21:49

And 41 is NOT old - speaks the woman who refuses to believe she will be 48 when DS starts Reception in September

SnowyBoff · 29/12/2009 21:57

I am 42, and mine are 22, 11, 8 and 8 months. So three 'sets' really. It's great fun and I don't see there's an issue really. Lots of people assume DS3 was an accident, but he wasn't. We just decided to go for it. Enjoy your little one and ignore any comments you don't want to hear.

thesecondcoming · 29/12/2009 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fruitsticksinyourstocking · 29/12/2009 22:12

I am the youngest of 4. My elder 3 siblings are 10, 13 and 14 years older than me.

I wouldn't say I was lonely as a child but I was quite jealous of my friends hd close siblings. It felt like I had many aunts and uncles rather than siblings - we didn't have the ordinary squabbles that others do. I also used to feel quite jealous of the family memories that they had which I wasn't a part of. It got a little more complicated when they all started having children when I was in my early teens.

I think I was quite a precocious child and always preferred adult company - was always very mature for my age.

But I certainly don't feel that I was damaged or deprived in anyway and certainly wouldn't have wanted to spread my parents attention even thinner just to keep me company. I had lots of friends who were always very welcome at our house, and often on holiday too.

One thing I would say was that my youngest (10 years older) is now estranged from all of us. It may be just her personality but, if I were a psychologist, I would say that she struggled to know what her role was in the family, spending 10 years as the 'baby' and then usurped by new baby.

My parents both died when they were relatively young - I was 22 and 28 when they died, and I do have a certain amount of resentment that my siblings didn't have to go through it so young. but on the other side, I got much more of my parents attention when they were alive because I was on my own and they were a little more mellow towards me.

So all in all, I can't really say. there are upsides and downsides but I wouldn't say any of them would have been helped dramatically by a younger brother or sister!

KitKatQueensSpeech · 29/12/2009 22:33

Hi Duchesse, if its any consolation I had a spate of people telling me I had my hands full with 4 aged 5 and under... ( because gosh, that was a helpful statement! and made me feel so in control!) People are frequently stupid.

I don't think you need another, not all things need to come in pairs. Look on this as a second chance to have a baby in the house that you can spend time with instead of rushing around after 3 and missing out on smiles.

Happy new year.

morningpaper · 29/12/2009 22:38

I agree with fruitsticks

Original poster

duchesse · 30/12/2009 15:52

It's lovely to hear all the positive experiences from people who've grow up in this sort of family. It's wonderful to have the really long view on it. I suppose I'm just worried what her life will be like in 6 years' time when all her siblings are away at university and I'm really too old to have another; it took 6 years to get this one!

And yes it did rankle a little the other day that someone assumed she was an accident when she is in fact the most awaited, planned and longed-for child of the four of them.

OP posts:

Original poster

duchesse · 30/12/2009 15:56

KKQ- I can remember going to Sains a few weeks after the birth of DC3. DC1 (who was just 4) was trying to be helpful and accidentally dropped something which smashed on the floor, when suddenly some woman appeared from nowhere and started to wax lyrical about Depo-Provera, and how it "just one shot and you can forget about it for months". I took great delight in telling her that my husband and I were hoping in fact to have four, and watching her face. I now I looked young although was 29 at the time, but really...how rude!

I didn't know at the time how many years it would be before number 4 made her appearance.

OP posts:

Heated · 30/12/2009 16:03

We met a large extended family at the pantomime and the matriarch was telling us there was a 22yr gap between her dd's 1st and 2nd child and that they had a fab relationship.

maighdlin · 30/12/2009 16:44

im the youngest of 4 girls by 10, 12 and 13 years. when i was younger they spoilt me rotten and i loved it. cos there was such a gap we didnt fight in the traditional manner and they have always helped me.

ssd · 31/12/2009 08:22

I think its not so much the age gap but the distance you live to your siblings that determines how close you can be

my siblings live hundreds of miles away and still think I'm a daft 20 yr old

also my sister totally is the opposite from me which doesn't help

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