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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for my heart to sink at the skin colour of DDs new dolls?

50 replies

ButterPie · 28/12/2009 00:36

I have a wonderful set of ILs. it's just that FIL is a little old fashioned...

They bought nearly 3yo DD1 a lovely dolls house, beautiful wooden furniture, they had hand made some of it...then DD unwrapped the dolls. They had dark skin (they are wooden, it is kind of asian tone) and immediately my heart sank. FIL is given to small acts of casual racism. He would be horrified if anyone suggested he is racist, but, well, he is a little in a kind of old people, wouldn't actually wish anything bad on anyone kinda way. Me and DP are very anti-racist and obviously don't want our kids hearing that rubbish.

When he saw the dolls, he giggled and said "ooh, an ethnic family, oh well" and has remarked that DD will feel at home (we used to live in a town with a high asian population) but luckily nothing worse. I just have a dread that he will come out with something that I have to confront and it will cause problems. We buy DD toys and books featuring all your liberal varieties of people, races, sexualities and so on, but life would have been so much easier if the dolls for the dolls house to be kept at the ILs were white. AIBU for just trying to avoid the issue of race with FIL?

OP posts:
cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 28/12/2009 00:38

I'm not sure that I understand. FIL bought the dolls?

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 28/12/2009 00:39

think you're maybe making more out of it than you need and anticipating something that might not even happen
If he does come out with anything unsavoury, simply express your preference for that sort of comment to be avoided especially in front of your children as it's not something you want them to grow up thinking

LordPanofthePeaks · 28/12/2009 00:43

bit of a a storm in the proverbial?

in any case, FIL hasn't made any comments that are incendiary, and dd prob. has no connection even if he did from the sound of her environment and upbringing.

PrivetDancer · 28/12/2009 00:46

Do you specifically seek out "toys and books featuring all your liberal varieties of people, races, sexualities"? I think you are the one with ishoos!
It doesn't sound like there is any malevolence going on here, just a slight awkwardness, which you are making far worse. stop trying to be so right on and let your DD play with the dolls.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 28/12/2009 00:51

err..Lord Pan - are you Pan?

LordPanofthePeaks · 28/12/2009 00:54

and what's all this about spotting creme eggs?? Yes cornsilk, I have been elevated in my absence! Are you ok? Was there a meet up? I ahve been distracted most of this year it seems - work mostly by way of promotion, which is jolly, and jolly busy.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 28/12/2009 00:56

Hello stranger! Promotion hey? Well done! No manc meet up but I went to the London one and actually found people this time. Didn't manage to say awake for very long but it's a start.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 28/12/2009 00:57
LordPanofthePeaks · 28/12/2009 01:02

Well done you on finding people!! Hope you had a good time. Living in a small place nr Glossop makes Manchester seem like the BIG city these days, so London would be overwhelming.....I do have fond memories of the m/c meet, esp. squonk,and I hope she is fine too.

  • yes apologies op -

the promo thing also means I can bike to work, which is something I have been dying to do for years.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 28/12/2009 01:05

I haven't seem sqonk online for a bit - don't know if she namechanged. So is this a flying visit or are you back for a bit?

mumhadenough · 28/12/2009 01:07

I bought my nieces two families for her dolls house, I bought her a white family and an ethnic family. I just thought she might like both!

LordPanofthePeaks · 28/12/2009 01:13

You make me sound like some "in for the weekend" poster!!
things have been preoccupying but I didn't realise it's been so many months, and I hardly recognise any names any more, but it was lovely to see your choc-obsessed namechange..Planning on posting more whe nthe topics come up and stuff - it can become really habitual - would want to stick to stuff I know a bit about or wish to know more of - this IS the country's best search engine after all..

cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 28/12/2009 01:17

lol at best search engine. I'm not here so much in the day as am working more myself so may have not spotted you online, but it seems like ages since I spoke to you. Will look forward to some manc chat then!

LordPanofthePeaks · 28/12/2009 01:21

indeedy. Sleep time? Love the lie-ins with no work! Off with dd tomorrow to fetch some tropical fish for our new aquarium. "Yay!",as she would say.
night.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter · 28/12/2009 01:22

night

Missy8c · 28/12/2009 07:38

YABU and over-reacting. Agree with PrivetDancer, if you are trying too hard to provide your DC with a toy/book representation of all ethnic and sexual 'categories' you're probably missing the point. Hmmmm, now where can I find a Chinese disabled lesbian Barbie doll

DoesntTheTurkeyDragOn · 28/12/2009 07:43

So, you are upset that your DD has dark skinned dolls for her dolls' house and you are accusing your FIL of racism?? I don't understand.

DoesntTheTurkeyDragOn · 28/12/2009 07:43

I thought this was going to be a thread about a dark skinned child receiving a quantity of white skinned baby dolls.

sarah293 · 28/12/2009 08:08

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mistletoekisses · 28/12/2009 08:09

Then buy a set of white dolls and bring the other set home. Whats the big deal? And I say that as an ethnic minority.

Although think this may be a case of mountain out of molehill.

MsDoctor · 28/12/2009 08:11

I'm not sure I understand....your fil said ethnic....dolls are dark skinned????

Georgimama · 28/12/2009 08:14

Is it a problem for you that your daughter has a set of dark skinned dolls or is the problem that you think your FIL has unwittingly bought a set of dark skinned dolls and will now make comments? Either way I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

By the way, you say you want your daughter to play with toys "eaturing all your liberal varieties of people, races, sexualities and so on". Please tell me where you found a gay doll. Please.

purepurple · 28/12/2009 08:15

I don't really see the problem.
If FIL makes a remark that you don't like, then you confront him and explain to your DD why you have confronted him.
Children need explainations. It helps them make sense of the world.

mummygirl · 28/12/2009 08:16

YANBU OP, but just leave things as they are, it seems like FIL won't take it any further.

I do make a point of offering my children toys and books "featuring all your liberal varieties of people, races, sexualities and so on", mainly because we live in a country and area where 99.9% of the population is white, roman catholics and I'm pretty sure they'd shoot anybody who'd say the word "gay". So, yes, I do try to compensate for that at home by teaching my children that different is just that: different.

I also have a FIL and MIL who try to pretend they're not racist but wouldn't be seen dead hanging out with an asian or black person, so very hypocritical really. And tricky as they live in London.

I'm just trying to say that I know exactly where you're coming from, but I wouldn't take any further action unless inappropriate comments were made.

sarah293 · 28/12/2009 08:48

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