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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for my heart to sink at the skin colour of DDs new dolls?

50 replies

ButterPie · 28/12/2009 00:36

I have a wonderful set of ILs. it's just that FIL is a little old fashioned...

They bought nearly 3yo DD1 a lovely dolls house, beautiful wooden furniture, they had hand made some of it...then DD unwrapped the dolls. They had dark skin (they are wooden, it is kind of asian tone) and immediately my heart sank. FIL is given to small acts of casual racism. He would be horrified if anyone suggested he is racist, but, well, he is a little in a kind of old people, wouldn't actually wish anything bad on anyone kinda way. Me and DP are very anti-racist and obviously don't want our kids hearing that rubbish.

When he saw the dolls, he giggled and said "ooh, an ethnic family, oh well" and has remarked that DD will feel at home (we used to live in a town with a high asian population) but luckily nothing worse. I just have a dread that he will come out with something that I have to confront and it will cause problems. We buy DD toys and books featuring all your liberal varieties of people, races, sexualities and so on, but life would have been so much easier if the dolls for the dolls house to be kept at the ILs were white. AIBU for just trying to avoid the issue of race with FIL?

OP posts:

earlyriser · 28/12/2009 08:57

Your FIL also said 'ethnic family' he could have phrased it much much worse.

earlyriser · 28/12/2009 08:58

{Earlyriser thinks of some of the things her own father has said in his time and shudders}

tinalane · 28/12/2009 09:47

You are not being unreasonable for just trying to avoid the issue of race with FIL?

But you also need to think of DD1.

Dolls should come in all colours, its how we are, you are doing the right thing.

Your FIL needs to behave!

Incidentally DP behaves like your FIL, but isn't racist either. I think its just upbringing & culture, but people ought to think a little.

We are the world! :D

PirateCatintheXmasHat · 28/12/2009 09:51

i don't understand the op at all.

thesecondcoming · 28/12/2009 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesprouts · 28/12/2009 10:13

i had a dark skinned doll when i was little about 8 years old ,it went to my nices and then to dd and ive still got it now

Missy8c · 28/12/2009 10:34

(not that dd has any Barbies although maybe I am remiss as 'surgically enhanced people' should be represented too

LOL Riven

MumsieNonna · 28/12/2009 10:42

'...life would have been so much easier if the dolls for the dolls house to be kept at the ILs were white.'

Sorry but I have read you post four times now. I can't quite see what you are on about. I think you have some issues that need to be worked on. You seem to be so anxious to appear PC and liberal that you are inadvertently coming over as racist yourself. I can't see anything wrong in having brown dolls in the dolls house. Why not have a mixture and add some white and black ones too? It's quite normal you know.

madamearcati · 28/12/2009 10:46

let's see thread title

'AIBU for my heart to sink at the(Asian) skin colour of DDs new dolls?'

and you think your FIL is the racist one ?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/12/2009 10:54

As I read the OP, FIL is given to making ignorant/casually racist remarks.

Someone else bought the dolls house, and it has dark-skinned dolls, which the FIL then commented on.

OP thinks FIL may make further remarks in the light of this

OP - I understand what you are saying. I live in a racially mixed area but my parents do not. They (my dad in particular) make little comments about certain ethnic groups traits (good and bad), out of ignorance. They also see the making of black dolls, as "tokenism" or "political correctness", whereas I see it as representing the existance of a range of people in society. They are always interested in what race/religion my childrens friends are, because they don't have friends of other races themselves, so see it as an issue. It's not necessarily malicious.

I do challenge my dad when he says something prejudiced- normally in a jokey way. I can understand it's harder with PIL

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/12/2009 10:56

BTW, I think the OP was badly written but I don't think it's fair to accuse her of racism herself.

mummygirl · 28/12/2009 11:11

with you jamie

gobsmackedetal · 28/12/2009 18:10

YANBU to be slightly worried about your fil possibly making racist comments later, even in gest. But as someone else said, don't let it worry you until it happens (if it happens that is). And even then, it could provode a good opportunity to discuss things with dd.

FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 28/12/2009 18:12

Op has disappeared.

Op makes no sense.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/12/2009 18:33

OP possibly ?

Don't worry OP, some of us we are nice

BarbieLovesKen · 28/12/2009 18:54

I'm confused by this whole thread too.. ??

Agree with this though "Do you specifically seek out "toys and books featuring all your liberal varieties of people, races, sexualities"? I think you are the one with ishoos!"

Seems like you are trying way too hard - strangely so.

Have just noticed, because you've made me think about it - dd has black, white and asian dolls but who gives a shit? they are dolls. Think its odd that you are thinking about it so much to be honest.

Rainbowinthesky · 28/12/2009 18:59

Why is it odd to seek out dolls of different skin colour etc? I've done this since dd was born. However she still feels that white is better

YanknChristmasCrackers · 28/12/2009 19:11

OP, can I put it into perspective for you? Check out my FIL's idea of not being racist!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 28/12/2009 19:15

Yank

tispity · 28/12/2009 20:09

but if they are carved from unpainted wood, surely they would be the colour of most cheap wood (which is light brownish??).

meangreenmotherfromouterspace · 29/12/2009 07:20

tispity - our daughter had a wooden dolls house for christmas and was bought the white family.

There is a slight differnce in skin tone between the white and 'ethnic' family although nothing else to denote any difference.

I don't think I'd have even realised if she'd been bought the ethnic family - largely because my husband and DD are olive skinned and much darker than my son and I who are pale and interesting .

I've met many people of the OP's 'right on' ilk and tbh I find it intensely irritating.

independiente · 29/12/2009 15:36

Stop worrying. If he makes some choice remarks, deal with it in a straightforward manner then.
And may I just say, everybody is 'ethnic' - we all have an ethnicity! Can't stand the 'white or ethnic' thing. Rubbish.

claudialyman · 29/12/2009 17:24

We are not "liberal varieties of people" OP, we are just people! people of different races, ethnicities and sexual orientation are all just people!

Calling minority groups "liberal varieties" unfortunately comes across like you think we have to be "tolerated/understood/explained about" by liberal-minded people of the majority groups. Which i doubt is your intention and honestly i think you are highly aware of any differences and may be seeing race/sexual orientation etc first and the person/character in book etc second.

As Riven said with childrens books its great when they feature a disabled character for example, without making the disability into the issue-of-the-book (penny pocket in balamory books was great for that).

Issues with difference are less likely to be a problem with our children imo, dont think my child's race has ever been the subject of comment by a child, only by adults....

For those now searching for Lesbian Barbie, there was a thread on here about Lesbian Barbie Movies the other noght if thats any good?

potatofactory · 29/12/2009 17:47

My (lovely) mil chose to get my dd two families for her dolls house - one black and one white. This is good, imo, and my dd is in heaven with her many dolls. I agree with those, though, who say that the op is the one who sounds like she has issues - not least with how clearly she makes her points!

brettgirl2 · 29/12/2009 17:50

YABVU.

I initially thought you were going to complain that they were too tanned (thus setting a bad example to children)

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