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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to move house cos of DH snoring

42 replies

VicarInaTinselTuTu · 27/12/2009 23:09

i just cannot sleep with him anymore! he drives me insane with lack of sleep.

im actually browsing houses on the net now and looking longingly at that all important extra bedroom...last night it was gone 3am when i got to sleep. he snores. loudly.

so would it be really daft to suggest that we start to look on the basis that if i have to share a bedroom with him for any length of time im gonna end up committing a murder....

i NEED sleep.

im due to start a full time job sometime during 2010, earning a proper full time job wage! we have some equity in our house (though probably not much) but our house isnt really finished to sell....would need work on the garden etc tbh, but am tempted to get a valuation anyway.

would you do it? or put up and shut up? (and sleep on the couch)

OP posts:
RemyMartin · 27/12/2009 23:11

Will he see his gp? Or have you tried those nasal strip things or snore stop spray you can get in boots?

emsyj · 27/12/2009 23:12

Has he been to the doctor? After 6 years of interrupted sleep, I finally snapped and told DH to get himself referred to the sleep clinic, otherwise he'd be in the spare room from now til, well, more or less always. The GP was very willing to refer him and he is due to go in for a second time shortly for investigations to assess what treatment he needs. It isn't acceptable to be deprived of sleep for this reason. Tell him to get treatment. And in the meantime get some earplugs if you haven't already.

issysmilkbottle · 27/12/2009 23:13

get him to sleep on sofa until he seeks help/gets it sorted!

Snoreze is supposed to be good, trying to get my dh to use at the moment.... Men eh?

Original poster
VicarInaTinselTuTu · 27/12/2009 23:23

well we tried those strips things that you stick on the nose...no good.

i think he has always had a problem with his nose/throat, but he has never gone for treatment. ive never got so grumpy though lack of sleep as he tends to work nights, but i swear im on the verge of murder if he keeps me up for anther sodding night....

im looking at getting bunk beds in DDs room....i know id be using them!

he drives me mad with it. he always sounds like he has a blocked nose, he cant taste his food very well either so im sure there is a problem there but im so fed up of spoon feeding him that ive given up - im not his nurse maid - he has only ever seen a gp when ive told him to go and i get fed up of everything being left to me. his snoring isnt a problem for him - only for me so he wont go unless i get militant....which i might if i get another night like last night.

OP posts:
Parmageddon · 27/12/2009 23:24

My brother has a C-Pap machine which is a device he wears overnight which provides extra oxygen and prevents/reduces snoring. He got this via sleep clinic. However, the machine itself is still noisy so SIL still has problems sleeping with him!! But db feels much better for it.

Also there are issues with having your driving licence removed if you are diagnosed with sleep apnoea (pausing in breathing during sleep) so this is something to be aware of if he does go to the GP.

carocaro · 27/12/2009 23:26

My DH has slept on the sofabed in the playroom for 3 years, everynight!

He promised to get it sorted, that was three years ago.

With sleepless kids and him like a freighttrain it was too much, like you insane from the lack of any decent sleep of longevity.

Earplugs are shit, even the hard wax ones that are supposed to block out a jumbo jet! All that shit for snoring in Boots, sprays, strips etc, all a waste of fucking £.

DH's nostrils are too small, due to football and cricket accidents when younger, also he is too fat around the neck. He had one operation once to open his nasal passages with a laser, worked brillinatly for 1.5 years. We no longer have the private insurance we used for this.

So we sleep separately, I like to listed to the radio and read in peace, moisterise my legs all in peace and quiet, fab really! But I would like him next to me if the truth be told.

Original poster
VicarInaTinselTuTu · 27/12/2009 23:30

id not mind the option tbh....id always start out with him in bed but if it gets too much id love somewhere nice and comfy to go - instead of the sofa which i have to share with the dogs!

i see an extra room as a necessity tbh now. weve been married 19 years this year but he is just driving me mad, if he didnt work nights most of the time i think id have done something drastic long before now.

OP posts:
emsyj · 27/12/2009 23:39

It's not unreasonable to want an option, but why would you be the one moving??? When DH's snoring is unbearable, I kick HIM out and he goes up to the spare room.

edam · 27/12/2009 23:44

dh had surgery to remove all his 'throat furniture' which worked brilliantly for about two years. Sadly, as we were warned might happen, it didn't last. He's back to the 1812 overture on full orchestra with the percussion really ramped up. A virtuoso performance.

I'd strangle him, only I can't actually get both hands round his ruddy neck...

alypaly · 28/12/2009 00:06

vicar....i paid for my ex ( note ex)to have his throat lasered as i had spent one too many nights with a spare quilt on the couch, downstairs. He was overweight and slept on his back....snored on inhalation and exhalation. It was so loud i didnt sleep at all if i satyed in the same bed. I felt like a zombie. So as soon as he was asleep i would sneak off. Our love life suffered as i was always angry when i went to bed. Now even though i am on my own,i find it difficult to sleep(except on the couch) and i think it has programmed me not to sleep in my bed.

He never forgave me for the agony he went through with the lasering. It wasnt worth the money anyway as he started snoring 4 weeks later....arrgggggggh! Now i have a different BF and he snores worse,but thankfully he hardly ever stays

thelunar66 · 28/12/2009 00:16

Just kill him, kill him now, tonight. Think how much sleep you'll get in a women's prison.

I know I have actually, seriously, considered it. Lack of sleep can drive you insane.

And I am typing this now coz I can hear the floor boards vibrating upstairs and I'm thinking why do I even attempt to sleep of a night

Original poster
VicarInaTinselTuTu · 28/12/2009 00:16

oh dear...

my DH manages to snore on his side, his back and his other side. i get no peace whatsoever. im so thankful he normally works nights....i suspect thats how e have lasted 19 years!

OP posts:
alypaly · 28/12/2009 00:17

are you going to sleep downstairs too thelunar? snoring causes so many relationship problems and resentment doesnt it?

thelunar66 · 28/12/2009 00:19

No... i cannot sleep downstairs... I will go off to spare room though. But i never sleep well if I have to move beds.

Original poster
VicarInaTinselTuTu · 28/12/2009 00:24

ohhhhh you have a spare room.....see im jealous already. i end up on the sofa. with 2 cavalier king charles spaniels - one of whom snores more than DH....

OP posts:
ADingDongDandyChristmasLioness · 28/12/2009 00:24

God, I hear you (so to speak )

DH is a terrible snorer. It has blighted my nights for years. I have elbowed him so hard I've caused him quite a bit of physical pain.

We have a three-pronged strategy now. It is so depressing, but this is what works:

nose strips for him
ear plugs for me
he sleeps on his side and gets The Elbow if he rolls over

ADingDongDandyChristmasLioness · 28/12/2009 00:26

oh, and sometimes, he is kicked out to the spare room. We do have a spare double bed, so in that respect I'm blessed.

mumhadenough · 28/12/2009 00:26

Ladies, there was a really really good article a few weeks ago in the BMJ about the effects of the Cambridge diet on patients with Obstructive Sleep Apnoea.

I won't hide the fact I'm a Cambridge Counsellor, but I just thought this might be useful to some of you who's dh's suffer (or rather you) from OSA.

There's a link to the BMJ article here but the bottom line was;

In the Cambridge VLCD treated group:

? 26 out of 30 saw improvement in their OSA, of whom,
? Five were so improved as to be cured of their OSA
? Weight loss was 18.7kg (average baseline weight was 113.4kg)
? Average reduction of waist circumference was 18.7 cm (baseline was 120.1cm)
? There was an 3.8 cm reduction in neck circumference (baseline was 45.1cm)
? Body fat dropped from 30.1% to 21.7%.
? 22 out of 30 were not obese (BMI under 30) after 9 weeks
? No one dropped out from the VLCD treated group [in contrast two subjects out of 33 dropped out from the control group.

I hope that maybe this helps at least one of you!

OP YADNBU, I'd have murdered him by now. Snoring drives me insane if only even for 2 minutes. Since my dh lost his weight he hasn't really snored unless he'd been drinking, I could still murder him though lol.

alypaly · 28/12/2009 00:28

its osds law though now for me. I have now started to snore and i wake myself up becos i am such a light sleeper

alypaly · 28/12/2009 00:28

sods law ...not osds law

Original poster
VicarInaTinselTuTu · 28/12/2009 00:31

oh if only it were this simple.

my DH was very very underweight when his snoring started. he is now 6ft 5 and 15 stone

he is now an average BMI. at last. but his snoring is as bad as ever. i suspect its a nose thing....im betting he has funny adenoids or something..

OP posts:
mumhadenough · 28/12/2009 00:42

Thats a shame Vicar, it must be horrible when there's not much you can do to fix it!

alypaly · 28/12/2009 09:38

vicar does he drink above normal or smoke.does he lie on his back or does he snore on his sides aswell.
Its awful,it reduced me to tears and i think was a contribution to me having a breakdown.I was knackered with no sleep after having a prem baby.He hated me moving downstairs...that caused rows. But he was fine...he had a good nights sleep despite the prods and kicks. we are now good friends but not together.
Snoring is very destructive on relationships

edam · 28/12/2009 11:06

Oh aly that is really incredibly unfair!

(Will look into Cambridge diet - it's not that 300 calorie a day thingy with milkshakes I remember from years ago, though, I hope?)

Morloth · 28/12/2009 11:40

Bio-ears you can get them from Boots.