Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that my mother puts no effort into xmas

39 replies

fledtoscotland · 27/12/2009 22:35

ok I know I am as she has bothered to write a cheque for £50 for both DSs but they are only 1 and 2 and DS1 esp loves opening things. would it have been so hard for her to buy a small toy of minimal value so that he had something to open from Grandma?

We have a very small family (I am an only child unsurprisingly), DH only has one brother with no children, MIL is dead and FIL is not in good health. DC do get plenty of presents from us and Santa but I am just fed up with my mother who takes the easy option all the time and just writes a cheque.

I know its coming across as ungrateful (I'm not as it just goes in their savings accounts) but i'm more disappointed that she is too busy (retired but a young fit 65 in good health) to put any effort into Christmas

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 27/12/2009 22:40

HAve you said this to her? Because if you have, then you are being at least less unreasonable. But if you haven't, then perhaps she thinks they are so young and savings are better, etc etc...

saadia · 27/12/2009 22:42

I think YABU and expecting too much.

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 27/12/2009 22:45

Its nothing new. have said to her loads when I was younger that I love receiving presents more than money partly because its fun opening a surprise and partly because its nice to think that someone has thought enough of you to bother to buy a present

mum is very blase about the fact that she cant be bothered with christmas and this year managed to only buy for her boyfriend. every other family member got a cheque in an envelope. dont get me wrong, am personally grateful as had to buy new boiler in november but its more for my DC.

OP posts:
CHOOGIRL · 27/12/2009 22:45

You said it yourself. YABU Your DC get lots of presents. They are 1 and 2. Do they even realise it is xmas?

I usually stay away from AIBU threads, but amazed at the ones I have seen over the last couple of days on children's presents. Get a grip

TheFallenMadonna · 27/12/2009 22:49

Ask for the cheque early and buy something for the children with it. That's what my dad and I do, and believe me, having seen what he gave me for Christmas, it's by far the best way

LetThereBeRock · 27/12/2009 22:49

YABVU.

JackTheHallsWithBauersOfHolly · 27/12/2009 22:54

I never got a present from my grandparents, they had no clue what small children like and thought it was mmuch better to give money so we can get somethign we want insetad of soemthing that wont get played with.
So YABU.

MollieO · 27/12/2009 22:54

Why don't you find out in advance how much your mum wants to spend, go and buy something and give it to her to give to your dcs? She then gives you a cheque to reimburse. That is what I do every year and that way I know that ds gets something that he wants and likes.

thisisyesterday · 27/12/2009 22:54

i think yabu, kids get more presents than they need these days, and i am sure yours had plenty to open.
money in a savings account will stand them in good stead in the future, or can be used to buy bigger items that you may not afford otherwise (ie, we used a cheque for the boys to buy a big sandpit and water table for outside)

just be grateful she gives them anything at all.

donkeyderby · 27/12/2009 23:00

£50?! My kids could only dream of having that amount. Much better than a badly chosen bit of tat. YABU

eclipse · 27/12/2009 23:02

When I grew up I only ever got cash from my grandparents and great-grandparents. My mum put every penny into an account and also put in a bit herself when she could. When I was 23, I had enough for a deposit on my first flat. Best thing they could have done for me and I remember being happy to get cash as a child.

thisisyesterday · 27/12/2009 23:03

eclipse i second that!

i didn't have any savings as my parents couldn't afford to put anything aside. luckily dp's parents and grandparents had saved for him, and that was enough for the deposit on our first home

we never would have got it otherwise (well, we would but it'd have taken us YEARS to save up enough)

JustAsWelliLikeLego · 27/12/2009 23:11

I think you just want her to think of you/your kids on a personal level and for that YANBU. But if she has always been like this then just get them stuff yourself in advance for the money or part of it and wait till they are older and for savings.A thought-out gift surpasses cash IMO.

JingleAllTheWay · 27/12/2009 23:15

Very poor attitude in my opinion. What's the matter with people there is way too much moaning about presents. / only getting money. You should be pleased and grateful even if she'd only given you 50p.

SpookOnAStick · 27/12/2009 23:18

My Mum has bogged off to Tenerife for 6 months and we didn't get so much as a Merry Xmas text!

santasmagicnappysack · 27/12/2009 23:29

YABU - If your mum spends time with your DC, makes a fuss of them and generally shows them lots of love.

My mum is a cheque writer too, I used to feel disapointed as a kid but am grateful for it now. As my DD gets older, I will buy the presents from nanny and stick the change in her bank account.

ADingDongDandyChristmasLioness · 27/12/2009 23:42

So you haven't told her (nicely, or even not nicely) that you'd rather she bought your children presents?

Saying you'd prefer presents when you were younger is not the same as saying you'd prefer her to buy her grandchildren presents.

But anyway, YABU. A cheque is far more useful than most presents.

One question - if instead of giving a cheque for £50, your mum spent £5 each on presents for your dc and gave NO cash, would you be happy?

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 28/12/2009 18:57

thankyou for your responses.

I suppose that I just want my mother to be a grandmother to DC. She hasnt bothered to see them since last march (i am unable to fly with two children so young and have said she is welcome any time to stay with us but her pressing social life takes precident).

I would much rather she spent £5 on a book that she bothered to put effort into (even ask me if there were any clothes they needed) but a cheque seems so impersonal. Of course I am grateful for their savings and I personally add more than that to their regular savings monthly but I suppose that the bottom line is that I wish she would put effort into being a grandmother.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 28/12/2009 18:58

(just checking that this wasn't posted by one of my own children)

MitchyInge · 28/12/2009 18:59

(because I did all the shopping on Christmas Eve, forgot to buy food and we have been living at the pub/Indian takeaway ever since)

morleylass · 28/12/2009 19:47

I understand how you feel as I feel a bit like that about MIL. She sends cheques for the children but hasn't contacted them, they left a message on her answerphone saying thank you and dh sent a text but we have heard nothing back. The thing that annoys me is she put things like to my 'special family' in cards, but not special enough to actually make any effort !

ADingDongDandyChristmasLioness · 28/12/2009 19:48

at MitchyInge

FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 28/12/2009 19:51

YABU

A 1 year old has no idea about opening a present and even the 2 year old won't notice if nothing from Grandma.

poinsettydawg · 28/12/2009 19:52

She puts no effort into shopping for presents. Does she really put no effort into Christmas? Any of it?

And don;t your dss get presents from santa?

poinsettydawg · 28/12/2009 19:53

ah roght. She puts no effort into being a grandmother. More of a problem.

Where do you both live?

It's a shame because it is so fantastic when kids have a great grandparent.