Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my brother no he can't have his food back!

35 replies

fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 13:48

We cooked Christmas dinner this year for 14 people in total. My parents have both died as has DH's mum so we had my brother, my sister and BIL, 5 teenage childre, FIL, BIL and BIL's girlfriend.

Also, DH was made redundant last month so we are a bit skint.

My sister said that she would buy and cook the turkey, she also made a trifle and helped with the table decorations. FIL bought the wine, BIL, crackers and sausage rolls.

DH and I cooked all the veg and accompiaments and cooked a ham.

I told my brother to bring a bottle of champagne and some things to heat up for tea (canapes, pork pie etc).

After lunch I put DS2 (10 months) to sleep while my sister, neice, DH and FIL, BIL did the washing up. My brother and his 2 children watched tv.

Whilst I was putting DSs to bed I told my brother that he wsa in charge of tea. He offered everyone a turkey sandwich but didn't do anything about heating up the stuff he'd bought (despite having to get passed it in the fridge to help himself to trifle). Never mind, noone went hungry.

THEN, yesterday, he pops in at lunch time to ask if he could have his stuff back as noone had easten it . My nephew had some mates round and they had no food in the house.

Was IBU unreasonable to tell him that he couldn't , and that it was still his contribition to Christmas Day even if I didn't ask if anyone wanted it

OP posts:
Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 27/12/2009 13:50

YANBU/YABU - if it hadn't been eaten then I can see why he asked but he should have offered to make/warm it on the day.

What are you going to do with the food?

DuelingFanjo · 27/12/2009 13:52

give it back, not to would be silly and childish.

OfficiallyMe · 27/12/2009 13:53

YABU

if you asked him to bring food you should have offered it to people

Original poster
fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 13:56

but I asked him to offer it to everyone and he didn't.

Surely if you take wine to a party you don't ask for it back if it doesn't get drunk!

He also forgot to buy DS2 a Christmas present as I had bought one for him to give to DS1 and when he came to wrap it on Christmas morning he realised he had forgotten DS2.

OP posts:
pithyslicker · 27/12/2009 13:58

I think YABU too.

Twinkleandpearls · 27/12/2009 13:59

Let him have his flippin food.

Stigaloid · 27/12/2009 13:59

YABU - if his DS had friends round and no food and you had leftovers that weren't even used then you are being petty to keep it out of spite.

DuelingFanjo · 27/12/2009 14:03

let it go.

mumhadenough · 27/12/2009 14:06

YANBU it was his contribution and is now yours afaic.

If he'd brought wine for dinner that didn't get drunk you wouldn't even consider giving him that back.

qwertpoiuy · 27/12/2009 14:08

Bloody hell, you made Christmas dinner for him and his kids and he's looking for his miserly contribution back- he's the one being unreasonable.

Harriedandflustered · 27/12/2009 14:09

YANBU

My SIL brought a trifle to add to the several puddings on offer, and then at the end of the day wrapped it up and took it home with her. Isn't that odd?

Original poster
fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 14:12

Phew, I was beginning to think I had lost all sense of reason.

And you're right, it probably is petty and childish but it is Christmas after all.

I was more taken aback as I had assumed he had popped round either to say thank you for a lovely day, or to give DS2 his Christmas present - but neither.

OP posts:
Original poster
fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 14:16

AND he bought a bottle of Veuve Clicquot with him which he had obviously been given rather than bought (which is fine obviously). However, when I thanked him and said that it was my favourite he said 'Is it expensive then? I wish I'd have known, I would have gone to Sainsburys' .

I don't think he was joking

OP posts:
bearcrumble · 27/12/2009 14:21

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You did all the cooking, your husband has been made redundant. No way would I have asked for my food back. I dropped loads at my mum's which she didn't use (I did purposely open a box of chocolates and share them round last night at her's because I think she is trying to hang on to the stuff to give as gifts - this year she gave my aunt's grandchildren out of date biscuits and sweets but I digress) but I wouldn't ask for it all back.

Confession: I did steal back the box of Gu brownies though.

Sounds to me like your brother is a tightwad. Especially after reading about the champagne and your son's present.

DuelingFanjo · 27/12/2009 14:29

you just seem to really dislike him so why did you do Christmas lunch for him in the firstplace? Honestly, let it go.

cakewench · 27/12/2009 14:30

YANBU. It was food meant to be eaten on the day, yes, but it was still his contribution to the meal. So he doesn't have food now, so what? Was he planning on being able to get this food back? Or just didn't bother thinking to shop in advance? who cares, really. agree with qwert's response.

Original poster
fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 14:30

I don't dislike him at all, actually we are very close.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 27/12/2009 14:44

then don't make a huge issue of the food. Just let him have it back. it's no biggie.

At least he made the turkey sarnies for everyone.

muminthemiddle · 27/12/2009 14:46

YANBU
I am amazed at the number of people who feel that it is ok to offload onto someone at Christmas and sit on their arse whilst being waited on hand and foot as if they have paid hundreds of pounds for the privlige like they are in some kind of luxury hotel.
He was asked to contribute something and then hand it out which he failed to do.
I am with the op.

Original poster
fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 14:55

I must add at this point that 10 month old DS2 did spend Christmas lunch with a pig in blanket in each hand.

He doesn't eat it any other time, I know he's not supposed to have salty food but you have never seen a child so content

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2009 14:57

YANBU.

This was a dinner made up from the contributions of several people, including yourself. As his contribution, you asked him to bring food round to heat up for tea, then you later asked him to heat it up for tea. He deliberately used up the turkey leftovers rather than use the food he had brought as his contribution. And then he asks for it back. That is rather mean on his part.

Original poster
fruitsticksinyourstocking · 27/12/2009 15:01

sorry, posted on wrong thred

OP posts:
Kitchens · 27/12/2009 16:56

I don't think you are being mean. That would annoy me too! Sounds to me like he deliberately used up your food so that he could take his back unopened.

ineedalifelaundry · 27/12/2009 17:14

Yanbu. That was his contribution. I agree that he probably didn't use it on purpose so he could ask for it back. And no present for your ds2? What a meanie.

OrmIrian · 27/12/2009 17:16

Will you use it? If so YANBU. Otherwise you are being a bit mean I think.