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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to epect BIL and SIL to stop constantly touching each other during dinner!

50 replies

canella · 24/12/2009 20:02

he's 41 and she's 31 - they've been together for over 3 years and married since the summer! they're at our house for xmas but the constant touching and my SIL needing to sit on my BIL's lap is driving me mad! We were having dinner and she was stroking his arm constantly and then was getting him to stroke her neck! I'm very happily married and love my dh very much but just dont have that desire to touch him all the time!

Its not sexual so its not that that is making me uncomfortable - i just find her neediness a bit strange!

Am i being a grumpy old cow?

OP posts:
ib · 24/12/2009 20:04

Yes, you are being a grumpy old cow and you know it .

Let them just enjoy it, it's sweet!

FabIsSoExcitedAboutXmas · 24/12/2009 20:06

Don't look.

Better than them at each others throats - verbally.

domesticslattern · 24/12/2009 20:08

Are you sure they're not doing it because they are nervous? I had some pesky friends who were always doing this, for mutual comfort TBH. It did annoy me though.

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 24/12/2009 20:09

Oh it sounds vile! I saw a couple like this at our school jumble sale recently. They were stroking each other and holding hands whilst listening out for the results of the raffle. I was for them.

sarah293 · 24/12/2009 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

merrycompo · 24/12/2009 20:10

Yanbu
I have friends like this
they always gave to sit next to each other on the sofa and always have a hand on a knee, stroking an arm etc etc
yuk!

muggglewump · 24/12/2009 20:10

You could be talking about my brother (J and V by any chance?) and SIL.
They do it all the time and it's just gross and unnecessary, and incredibly rude in company.

YANBU

minko · 24/12/2009 20:13

Oh, I'm jealous. Me and DH just get annoyed if we sit too close together!

Squishabelle · 24/12/2009 20:23

You are so not being a grumpy old cow. It sounds a bit vomit-inducing TBH!

wegottagetouttathisplace · 24/12/2009 20:23

me and DH were like this when we first got together (a LONG time ago)

We couldn't keep our hands off each other and if anyone objected we were like, 'oh my god, are they DEAD inside to object to two people being happy'

looking back I am a bit

Ivykaty44 · 24/12/2009 20:27

Just say a few times "get a room"

they will then get the message

lovechoc · 24/12/2009 20:34

eugh how nauseating! there's nothing wrong with being in love, but that kind of behaviour can make other people feel really awkward and embarassed for them.

yanbu

Judy1234 · 24/12/2009 20:54

I love seeing couples touching but people have very strong views on public displays of affection.

AmericanHag · 24/12/2009 21:21

YANBU. Actually, overly obvious displays of affection are often a sign of marital trouble. It's a known fact that couples who act all hot and sexy in public have VERY boring sex lives (or none at all).

wannaBe · 24/12/2009 21:35

tbh I have mixed views on this.

Sometimes I wonder whether those being overly affectionate are trying to prove to the rest of the world how in love they are, but then on the other hand I also wonder whether those who object are potentially jealous.

I think it depends on the level of affection tbh. I think that couples who constantly need to be touching/hugging/all over each other are a tad nausiating and it certainly gets annoying, but on the other hand I think it's sad that some couples never go anywhere near each other in public.

I think it can be a fine line.

tispity · 24/12/2009 21:40

yes we've had this at our house too - i was wondering whether they were filming a porn movie at one point and i was peering around the room trying to locate the camera. they split up a few months later - hahaha

Judy1234 · 24/12/2009 22:23

People just differ. Some couples are holding hands and touching into their 60s and beyond. Others never. But I don't think just because people like touching a lot means they necessarily don't get on in public and I doubt they put it on as some kind of public show.

Original poster
canella · 25/12/2009 07:00

glad of a mixed bag of responses!

I have no objection to couples sitting snuggling on the couch after dinner and dh and i sometimes even hold hands (shock horror!)

But its the neediness that is driving me mad - she has to sit next to him at all times, she has to stop him for a cuddle if they walk past each other in the hall, she asks him to stroke her arm/neck/back constantly. Why is she so desperate for affection and reassurance constantly?

I've just never needed that constant reassurance that dh loves me - maybe she feels that unless they are together then he doesnt love her so much?

or maybe as some of you said i'm just a grumpy old cow!

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 25/12/2009 14:51

she sounds unhinged, very needy or more worryingly, rather controlled and a bit frightened of him ????

that's what I would think anyway

it certainly isn't common in my circle of friends/family to be so over-the-top in company

my sis is a little bit like this and it irritates me tbh, what is she trying to prove ?

Numberfour · 25/12/2009 19:40

YANBU. i find it quite nauseating.

chickbean · 25/12/2009 22:44

I think it's quite rude - because it excludes everyone else

confuddledDOTcom · 25/12/2009 23:06

My sister and her DH are the same, they full on snog - they will be in the middle of a conversation with you and turn to each other for a snog, it's like "bored now" - they lie on the sofa together.

Not much bothers me, I don't mind PDA my partner and I are quite tactile we hold hands and he puts his arm around me when we sit down, we hug when we talk if we're standing up (we don't get many chances!) but I do think they're being rude, especially the "bored now" thing.

I think it's because it's like they're doing foreplay in front of you which brings you into their sex life - if that makes sense?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 25/12/2009 23:12

yes, that makes sense, dot

and it is very bad manners, IMO

what next ? He slips his finger in ?

confuddledDOTcom · 25/12/2009 23:18

LOL with my BIL not much would surprise me! I don't mean it in a sexual sense, just a he's got no idea of appropriate and will just do or say whatever pops into his head.

NiceShoes · 25/12/2009 23:21

Why do you judge this as "neediness" are you scared of their explicit closeness.does it touch a nerve,if so why?The posts are all about your reaction to her.think you have ishoos hun