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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not like the expensive Christmas present DP has put a lot of effort into and was excited about?

32 replies

InMyLittleHead · 24/12/2009 11:59

First, apologies for incredibly ungrammatical title of thread.

Basically, as I am going to my dad's for Christmas and DP is going to his parents', we have already done presents. He bought mine ages ago, in early Novemberish. I knew it was jewellery, but other than that no clue. I could tell that he was dead chuffed with himself for getting it. He kept mentioning it in the run-up to Xmas, saying 'I really hope you like it' and 'I think you'll like it, etc', sweet.

So, we did pressies yesterday.

It's a ring, gold, quite complicated with several different stones in it, quite old-fashioned looking ... really not my kind of thing.

I feel awful. It was obviously expensive, and it's not that I'm not pleased, because to me it really is the thought that counts, and he tried really hard which is lovely. But I can't imagine ever wearing it. It is the complete polar opposite of the kind of jewellery I normally wear, which is silver and plain.

Now I am shit at pretending, but I tried. I said it was lovely. But I've got one of those faces where you can tell exactly what I'm thinking, and I'm pretty sure he can tell I don't like it. He's said it's fine if I don't like it, and we can exchange it for something else. But I can't bring myself to tell him that, because he was so excited before, so I just kept saying 'no honestly, it's lovely'.

It is far too big for me, and needs to be altered. Maybe I will like it better once it fits? But obviously if I get it altered we can't exchange it.

I know, it's not the biggest deal in the world but I feel like poo about it. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Just pretend to like it and hope it grows on me, or bite the bullet, tell him I don't like it and get something different that I will like?

OP posts:
TinselianAstra · 24/12/2009 12:01

Exchange it.

He already knows that you don't like it.

Get something you do like.

Make sure you tell him lots how much you appreciate his effort and think he is a wonderful DP, etc.

beyondfurious · 24/12/2009 12:06

nope, exchange it for something you love but take him with you.

I can't abide waste so having an expensive old ring sat about not being worn would bother me.

SleighGirl · 24/12/2009 12:07

Exchange it.

Make a lunch date with him and go together and make it all romantic.

He knows you don't like it and as long you underline that you love the thought and semtiment behind it I'm sure all will be fine.

pheasantpluckersanta · 24/12/2009 12:10

Exchange it!!! This happened to me a few years ago and DH was a bit disappointed at first but really didn't mind. I now wear the ring that we exchanged it for every day and he knows that I love it.

SleighGirl's point about the love and sentiment is a good one.

CaptainNancy · 24/12/2009 12:11

This happened to me last year... I was mortified, but it really was not me. We returned it (still haven't bought anything to replace it )

peacocks · 24/12/2009 12:12

sounds quite nice actually it might grow on you ..are you young?

I wouldn't feel like poo. I would wear it on Christmas Day and then just see.. you might start to like it.

Wish you could post a pic.

Original poster
InMyLittleHead · 24/12/2009 12:50

I am quite young (he, however, is not ). I have absolutely no gold jewellery at all, only like chunky modern silver stuff. Have no idea why he thought it would be a good idea, bless him.

I am clueless about uploading pics, and don't even have a digital camera [luddite]. Can't find it online, otherwise I would love opinions on it! I'm sure it would suit others (perhaps Margaret Thatcher?) a lot better.

Maybe I can make some excuse about it not being alterable because of the setting of the stones? (I have very thin witchy fingers)

OP posts:
drlovesmincepies · 24/12/2009 12:58

oh defo go with the cant alter it . If you were to try to alter a ring that has stones set into it , it actually can weaken the setting and you'd lose the expensive stones. it would be much better to exchange it for something you do like.

AllarmBells · 24/12/2009 13:00

If you want people to see it, you could have a look online (eg Argos, Ernest Jones) and post a link to something similar. Only be prepared for people saying "it looks gorgeous" and then you'll feel even more undecided about what to do!

He has suggested exchanging it, so exchange it. I don't see the point of making up lies about it not being alterable. It's not like you have to broach the subject of exchanging it without knowing how he'll react.

Fantastic idea from SleighGirl about turning the exchange into a lunch and a romantic event. That's what Christmas is all about!

StealthPolarBear · 24/12/2009 13:03

exchange, definitely, tell him what you've put in the OP about how you appreciate the thought and sentiment
DH would never dare buy me jewellery because he knows I'd hate it (I am very difficult to please). When he proposed part of it was that we would go ring shopping the next day (and we made a nice day of it). Although it turns out the one I picked was almost identical to the one he'd been looking at - he can't win!

ImSoNotTelling · 24/12/2009 13:08

DH bought me a pendant necklace one year that is totally not me. I have worn it once. Every time i see the box I feel guilty.

I have decided if I ever feel rich I will get the chain and mount melted and it redone as a ring. or something

ImSoNotTelling · 24/12/2009 13:09

Oh yes sorry so I think you should be honest with him and go out together and exchange it for something you love.

Original poster
InMyLittleHead · 24/12/2009 13:13

this is not it, but something very similar

So what do you think? Bearing in mind most of my jewellery looks like this (Actually, I love that!)

OP posts:
leeloo1 · 24/12/2009 13:21

Ewwww, its like something my grandma would have worn! Totally tell him how much you love the thought he put into it and then both go and exchange it.

My engagement ring is a (v expensive Tiffany) solitaire diamond one and it looks hideous because I have fat fingers. He'd put so much thought into it, saved up and made special trips to London, so I never said it wasn't quite my style... but I never wear it now we're married.

Definitely better to be honest up front and get something you like.

BouncingTurtle · 24/12/2009 13:36

I would very much doubt that ring could be altered without ruining the setting.

Exchange it. But make a big fuss over your DP.

JackTheHallsWithBauersOfHolly · 24/12/2009 14:14

I don't like it, I am very much like you, silver and plain. DH has never bought me jewellery without showing it ot me first and I wear all of it. My family, however, have no taste and I never wear the stuff they bought me.
I would exchange it, but make sure you make a big fuss and say that you want something that you can wear everyday so you can think of him all the time yadda yadda.

tackyChristmastreedelivery · 24/12/2009 14:23

This is what you do -

Keep up enthusiastic momentum and make a 'date' to go for luch and then to take ring to be sized. When in shop [having previously been in and spotted perfect pressi] say 'OMG look at that!! I love that!! I could wear it everyday, instead of special occasions. I wouldn't dare wear the one you got me in everyday life, the stones would be damaged by cleaning and stuff, it's so delicate, but I could wear that all the time and rememeber getting it and the lovely day we had. Would you mind?'

He says ok, he is bound bound bound to be a bit sad he didn't get it spot on, but men are very practical and love to think the thing is right for the job.

I quite like it btw, I like vintage style stuff and think it can really work with the right outfit. If you are not loving it though, and can't pull off pretending, and are sure it will never ever grow on you - then change it.

D

ReindeerInaSkoda · 24/12/2009 14:40

Lol, AlarmBells I do like it! You can buy all the modern, silvery stuff for yourself from Next or M&S. I like that stuff too, but it's ten a penny. Antique-ey jewellry is more special.

Sometimes it is great to be given something that one wouldn't have chosen oneself, imo. My mum was great for that kind of thing - she'd buy me clothing (often quite dear, and almost what fashion types call "investment pieces") that I'd be about when I opened it, but given a little time would become a real favourite.

Sorry OP! But YANBU to be diappointed - it's totally understandable. But if you genuinely hate it then I like to going out for lunch idea. That'd be lovely.

Nemofish · 24/12/2009 15:26

No problem OP - say oh it's lovely, but it's too big and the jeweller says that it can't be enlarged cos the stones would pop out of the shoulders / it would ruin the look.

Then exchange for something you like. Make dp aware that he has major brownie points for being so lovely.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 24/12/2009 15:31

this thread has choked me up a bit

maybe I should put the Baileys away

peacocks · 24/12/2009 15:32

That is really nice, good choice by DP. Silver is lovely, I wear a lot. But I wish I had a ring like that.. it is only for the discriminating jewellery wearer.

cloelia · 24/12/2009 16:08

if it is an old ring, you may find that the initial letters of the stones spell something romantic; in which case would you like the ring more? I think it sounds really pretty. My mother used to exchange my father's present to her every single year (always jewellery) and I used to feel so sorry for my dad; now I would never exchange DH's presents to me because of that! Do you think he would be hurt?

Ivykaty44 · 24/12/2009 16:11

The ring is fine, he choose it for you dont offend him by exchanging it - just wear it a few times it may grow on you....

edam · 24/12/2009 16:40

It wouldn't be my cup of tea, tbh. Poor old dp, though, he really did try.

Like the excuse about it being too difficult to alter because of all the stones. Try that one very kindly and gently.

Btw, do check cloella's theory - remember my Grandmother had one that was Diamond Emerald Amethyst Ruby Emerald Sapphire Topaz.

Northernlebkuchen · 24/12/2009 16:46

My mum has one that's Ruby, Emerald, Garnet, Amethyst, Ruby, Diamond - Regard.

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