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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was rude and a bit creepy of this photographer

74 replies

Irishchic · 23/12/2009 22:08

Bear with me, this is a bit long for an AIBU.

Two weeks ago my dd attended her first ballet display at a town 30mins drive away. There was a photgrapher there who had set up aa studio and was taking snaps of the kids for about £5 and upwards and the deal was that the pics would be sent out to you and you left your address.

Yesterday he rang me and asked did I want to come along to his studio and pick up the photos. I said that I understood they were to be posted to me and he said that he could do that, but couldnt guarantee I would have them before Xmas. I said I was fine with that as anyway I lived 30mins away and the roads are covered with snow and wouldnt travel over anyway.

Next thing, this evening, my childminder has just left, when she comes back in the front door saying that there is a guy at the door for me. I get up from the tea table where I am feeding the kids and as I am walking out into the hall he has already (without being invited in ) stepped through the porch into my hallway with the photos in his hand. I am a bit taken aback but thank him for going to the trouble of delivering them personally (although secretly think its a bit OTT) but while I am talking to him he keeps kind of looking on past my shoulder into our kitchen at the kids. I just felt odd about it, I didnt like that and I certainly didnt like him coming on into the house behind the childminder, I thought that was a bit rude and creepy.

AIBU or should I just be grateful to this guy?

OP posts:
fledtoscotland · 23/12/2009 23:30

just gets my goat that everyone assumes that a dodgy character is a paedophile. FFS what a sad paranoid society we have become

whomovedmychocolate · 23/12/2009 23:30

Could he have been trying to check out whether there was a DH lurking there before chatting up OP?

SlartyBartFast · 23/12/2009 23:35

ooh that sounds a like scenario wmmc

SlartyBartFast · 23/12/2009 23:35

likely

Pikelit · 24/12/2009 00:02

It never occurred to me to think he was a paedophile. I just thought he was a weirdo who wanted to get into the OP's pants.

cat64 · 24/12/2009 00:05

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MrsBlackbeard · 24/12/2009 00:13

One off: helpfulness.
If he turns up again,and trys to get back in the house, then there may be a problem.

Goblinchild · 24/12/2009 01:11

You need to rethink your security arrangements if someone can just walk into your house because you leave the door open once you've answered it. There are a lot more Christmas thieves and con artists around than paedophile opportunists.

Shiregirl · 24/12/2009 08:31

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thesockmonsterofdoom · 24/12/2009 08:36

I would go with he fancies you, unless of course you are an uber minger, only you know that would deffo not let him anywhere near your house again though.

Morloth · 24/12/2009 11:41

I don't think he has done anything wrong (and has probably been quite nice!) and neither have you. Creepy vibe is creepy vibe. As long as you were polite and thanked him, no need to feel bad about finding him a bit weird.

vulpes · 24/12/2009 11:47

just curious, but how many of you have had a creepy vibe about a man and then been proved wrong?

i think women should be encouraged to respect and listen to their instincts.

how many twats would we all have not given the time of day to if we had just listened to our gut instints first off?

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 24/12/2009 12:15

Maybe he was visiting friends or family who liven ear you and dropped them off as e went past. aybe he thought he should come in ratehhleave the door open with cold air coming in?

ReindeerInaSkoda · 24/12/2009 12:36

My first instinct was that he fancied the OP. Which isn't to say that he didn't overstep the mark - but then a lot of people (not just men) simply do not receive the subtle signals that their going the extra mile might not be welcome.

Stripey I'm also inclined to agree with you - but he still sounds slightly odd because even though he might be a lovely person, he still turned up unannouced, which is a teensy bit . But then I think my dp might have done the same in a similar situation (although he wouldn't have entered the house).

Then I though "burglar", then "paedophile".

Vulpes that's a really good question. I have never been wrong - although the creeps have tended to be needy pains in the arse rather than dangerous, iykwim.

vulpes · 24/12/2009 13:53

i grew up in a country with a high crime rate against women.

and i have yet to meet a woman that has been assulted or worse that didnt say something along the lines of ' he seemed a little off' or, ' i felt a bit funny near him'.

these same women also said things like, 'but i told myself not to be silly' or, 'i thought maybe he was just being helpful'

ALL self defence courses and police/community run programmes for violence against women type things emphasise that you should ALWAYS listen to your gut feeling.

we are smaller and weaker than men.

what we do have is instinct.

dont ignore it.

(not that i am saying this guy was a pedophile at all, seriously, but i do think that if the OP felt weird around him she probably had good reason, pedo or not).

ImSoNotTelling · 24/12/2009 14:00

Agree trust your instinct. You thought he was creepy - that's all you need to know.

Are the pictures nice?

PixieOnaChristmasTree · 24/12/2009 14:12

You should definitely trust your instincts. Nothing has happened, so no need to worry this time - is he regularly employed by the ballet school, though? If so, could you ask them to change - tell them about what happened? If they are serious about protecting children (and remember these are children in tutus and leotards) then they will be willing to change photographer.

Are the photos good?

nothingofthesort · 24/12/2009 14:24

YABU. I think he might have been coming to your area for something, remembered your order and very kindly thought of dropping it off. I doubt that he travelled their especially for you.

You sound very U about him looking at your kids. The postie or any delivery person (male or female) always look at my kids over my shoulder if they are in. It doesn't mean anything.

nothingofthesort · 24/12/2009 14:27

Ooh I said their instead of there

nothingofthesort · 24/12/2009 14:29

Goodness how OTT, don't tell the ballet school! If you find him lurking outside your house in the future then is the time to inform the ballet school! How weird are people, making this guy lose potential business because a kind gesture might have been misunderstood.

Janos · 24/12/2009 14:29

OP, YANBU, what vulpes said - we have instincts for a reason.

Feeling a bit hinky about someone and trusting your instinct does not = society has gone to the dogs.

PixieOnaChristmasTree · 24/12/2009 14:41

Nothingofthesort - I don't think it's OTT at all - if I think my DC are in any sort of potential danger then I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure they're safe. The OP says that she had bad feelings about the photographer and that's enough to make alarm bells ring in my head.

What if he's done this to more than one parent? You can't know unless you ask. It might be that the ballet school have been using him for years and they know he's safe. It might be that they're concerned about it as well.

I think some people's attitudes towards their child's safety are appallingly lax and I don't understand that.

Janos · 24/12/2009 14:43

OP hasn't mentioned anything about telling to ballet school has she - at least I don't think so?

Original poster
Irishchic · 24/12/2009 16:23

Pixie and I'mSoNot - Yes the pics were good.

Vulpes - You are right about the instinct, there is every chance I could have been wrong or misread the situation, but I did have a gut feeling about it, is all I'm saying.

I'm not going to do anything though, because the guy didnt do anything wrong.

But I wouldnt be going back for any further business either.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 24/12/2009 16:30

That's what i would do too nikita