Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to say no to this ?? and to be pissed off that I was put in this position ??

34 replies

MrsMorgan · 23/12/2009 14:49

Ok, will try and be brief. My elder brother has a gf who is, erm very high maintinence, likes everything her own way etc. They went out for a couple of years a few years back and split when she cheated. It effected my brother badly.

However they got back together 2 years ago, and despite not really liking the girl I have always welcomed her into my home and treated her well as have the rest of the family.

His gf parents have kind of just split up, and her dad has moved out. Because of this they decided to have xmas dinner at her mums house (my brother normally comes here) and then come over to mine in the evening, which is fine and totally understandable. Her mum is quite full on and my brother can only take her in small doses, but agreed to this as he didn't want her having xmas dinner alone.

So he has just rung me and asked me if his gf has mentioned to me that she wanted her mum to come with them when they come over on xmas evening. I said erm no she hasn't and tbh i'd not be very happy about it. I don;t know the woman, have met her once for about 10 minutes. My brother also does not want her to come as he will have spent all day with her. Oh and he has now found out that the mum wouldn't have been on her own on xmas day anyway because gf's dad is going .

I feel awful, but it is xmas day and I just dont want to have to sit exchanging small talk with a stranger.

My brother is in agreement, but I am a bit annoyed with him that he didn't just say no as soon as she mentioned it, because now it will look like it is all me, saying no, when he doesn't want her there either.

AIBU ???

OP posts:

PeedOffWithNits · 23/12/2009 14:55

YANBU

your DB needs to deal with this, not you. GF cannot just invite/bring her mother to yours, so very rude.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 23/12/2009 14:57

YANBU at all. You're right in that now your bro will turn to his GF and say "Sis says no" and that puts him in the right and you in the 'wrong'!

the implication that this woman can't even spend an hour or two in her own company on christmas day is odd in itself imo. If I was her I wouldn't particularly want to trail after my child and their partner to the home of someone I'd never met.

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 23/12/2009 14:58

Thankyou, was on the verge of tears then.

I feel like I am being mean but, I spend my whole life making sure that things go right for other people, my dc, my mum etc and I just want xmas day to be how I want it, is that wrong ?

I glad that my brother admitted that he doesn't want her to come as otherwise i'd have ended up agreeing to it.

I havr told my brother to say that he thinks it is a bit much to invite someone at such short notice and that he'd hoped they could come to mine on their own seeing as they have spent all day with her mum.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 23/12/2009 14:59

His gf is very full on, opinionated and well spoilt so I fear a backlash over this, especially as at halloween I did a little party and my other brothers gf asked if her sister could come and I said yes, but there were reasons for that.

My brothers are pains in the ass aren't they LOL.

OP posts:

PeedOffWithNits · 23/12/2009 15:00

or the GF can stay home with her mum while your bro comes over to yours, thats her choice.

smittenkitten · 23/12/2009 15:01

to be honest, is it so bad if you're the bad cop in this situation? He has to have a relationship with his MIL, it's easier to say that you want it to be family/people you know than he doesn't really like her!

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 23/12/2009 15:02

Yeh I am wondering if that is what will happen Peed, and if so thats fine, totally up to her.

The thing I am a bit worried about now, is that my brother will tell her, and then she will message me on fb or via txt to ask why.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 23/12/2009 15:03

Well yes smitten, but my brother is 34 yrs old, I feel that he should sort it out himself seeing as he doesn't want her to come either.

OP posts:

googietheegg · 23/12/2009 15:03

YANBU When I was a child one aunt and uncle always used to bring an extra person or two with them at Christmas and it really, really annoyed me because my mum would make an effort to make lovely food, house nice etc and the extras would always get pissed, not bring anything with them and generally be in the way.

I'm sure it was great for my aunt and uncle to be able to offer this free hospitality but, as a child, it would spoil my day.

PrincessToadstool · 23/12/2009 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbleBells · 23/12/2009 15:12

YAsoNBU - high maintenance GF who you don't like is bad enough (and good enough of you to have her imo, although others would say it's your "duty") - but to have her mum as well, who is also "full on" (i.e. presumably high maintenance) is a bit bloody much.

Just say no, you don't have the room, terribly sorry and all that, will totally understand if GF feels that she can't leave her mum on her own and therefore has to stay with her rather than coming to yours, pity but there it is. You are right, your bro needs to grow a pair if he is going to stay in this relationship - you shouldn't have been put in this position but since you are, be strong.

laurielou · 23/12/2009 15:14

YANBU.

However if gf's mum did come over I would carry on exactly as if she wasn't there. I did this a few years ago when my own bf mum (also high maintenance) was going to be alone over Christmas. My parents invited her for lunch, complete with tacky paper hats & drunk Nana. She can take us as finds us!

Either way I hope you have a good Christmas.

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 23/12/2009 15:22

Thanks

They are supposed to be coming over after they and us have eaten xmas dinner (so about 4). They would normally then stay until about 10/11 pm and so I have brought stuff to nibble on later on, but only a very small amount as I have no money.

I am going to stick to my desicion, but I know that it will get mentioned by the gf.

His gf is the only one who I deliberatly didn't ask for ideas for xmas presents, because she would ask for something expensive.

OP posts:

PeedOffWithNits · 23/12/2009 15:28

"she would ask for something expensive" - shes a right charmer then!

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 23/12/2009 15:30

She would, honestly, she is so spoilt she doesn't think about anything other than what she wants.

As it is I have got her a Twilight calander and socks.

My brother is aparently going to speak to her tonight. He said he will try to be subtle but then if that doesn't work he will tell her straight .

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 24/12/2009 14:46

Well my brother has spoken to her and as predicted, she threw a childish tantrum. Firstly he said it was too short notice, and so his gf said that was his fault for not asking me earlier, and so then he said that seeing as they would be with her mum from xmas eve until about 4pm on xmas day then he'd rather they came to mine alone.

She ended up telling him to come on his own then.

Only thing is now, my brother seems to think that ihs gf may have already told her mum she could come, and he said he'd not put it past her to tel her mum that there had been a change of plan, and put my brother on the spot at the last minute.

I have made it quite clear to my brother that I will be really upset if they turn up with her, but we shall see.

OP posts:

Tortington · 24/12/2009 14:50

cant you swap around so that they come to yours - then go to hers in the evening if she is going to be alone in the vening?

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 24/12/2009 14:54

She isn't going to be alone at all now apparently, because her hubby, or ex hubby is going to be there all day and people from church will be popping in and out.

OP posts:

mrsjammi · 24/12/2009 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 24/12/2009 14:55

I didn't care when they came by the way, for dinner, after dinner, whenever, makes no odd's to me, I just don't want extra's lol.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 24/12/2009 14:57

She won't be alone.

Like I said, I spend all year pleasing everyone but myself. I think I am entitled to do what I want to do once a year.

Oh and my dad spends xmas day alone, and I will be alone on boxing day, I don't see anyone inviting me anywhere.

OP posts:

Tortington · 24/12/2009 15:12

i think brothers GFs come shit all in the family hierarchy and you should just fuucker off and her mother and her little dog tooooo

hohoholepew · 24/12/2009 15:20

I wouldn't care about annoying her, she isn't pleasant and wouldn't put herself out for you, so tough.

I agree with custy.

ThumbleBells · 24/12/2009 15:40

well done MrsMorgan for getting your bro to deal with it - and I hope his GF does stay away as she's likely to have a lemonsucker face on her if she does turn up. Good on you for sticking to your guns there.

Original poster

MrsMorgan · 24/12/2009 15:41

Thanks, I agree with you, and myself lol.

Apparently gf said to my brother this morning that she hoped non of the presents he had got her were boring, because she doesn't like boring presents.

He has got her £80 worth of jewellery, which she picked herself, and then he has got her some books and a 2yr subsciption to a magazine she likes. He said she will think both of those are boring. I said tough shit.

I could never be so frigging rude, I really couldn't.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2