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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with SIL because she laughed at 4yo ds

76 replies

bogie · 23/12/2009 08:57

and said errr your a girl your a ballerina because he was dancing to mary poppins at mil's........ He was really upset and just sat down and didn't want to get up and play anymore..... she is a twat.....

It was her pfb 1st birthday party and she really made him feel stupid... I love it when he dances and he has said to me and his dad that he would like to start dancing classes, but then because someone at nursery had told him that dancing classes are for girls he changed his mind. Then she just makes it so he feels stupid even dancing in front of us and the rest of his family.

I just told him well you can dance better than your aunite anyway, I think your dancing was great, but he was still quite upset.

OP posts:
JaceyBee · 23/12/2009 11:30

My ds loves dancing too, we are always looking on youtube for break/street dancing and he loves copying MJ's routines. He's bloody good too, definitely doesn't get it from me! Am trying to start him at classes too but the ones in our area don't take them until they're 7 or 8 and he's only 5.

If you think your ds is still upset about it maybe have a chat and reassure him it's not only ok for boys to dance but a really cool and positive thing.

And I don't think you would be BU if next time you see sil you have a quiet word in her shell-like about never putting him down about his dancing again. Doesn't have to be all ray winstone, just let her know that it's not on. She soundes incredibly immature, my friends sil is just like that. She throws actual foot-stamping paddys and she's 24!

pigletmania · 23/12/2009 11:37

Gosh there are some big babies around oh dear Jaceybee about your friends sil and ops sil says it all really.

norfolkBRONZEturkey · 23/12/2009 11:48

I think Patricks autobiography sounds like a fantastic christmas present for her

Mishy1234 · 23/12/2009 11:56

That was extremely nasty of her, YANBU at all.

I would have a stern word with her tbh and ask her how she would feel if you spoke in such a disrespective way to her child.

I had a similar thing happen with my BIL and I just took him aside straight away and told him that it was unacceptable. He was very emarassed (rightly so) and hasn't done it since.

Nip it in the bud right now is my advice and make your feelings very clear.

Goodadvice1980 · 23/12/2009 11:59

What a spiteful SIL. Hope you tore her off a strip for upsetting your ds.

Remind her that Wayne Sleep and John Travolta are accomplished dancers! Also, most boxers take ballet lessons to improve their technique!

She sounds a nasty piece of work.

LittlewhiskersCat · 23/12/2009 12:10

Oh, so Diversity, winners of BGT, nationally voted as the top act, are ballerinas and a girl, are they? All the tough sportsmen and famous men who appear on Strictly are girly ballerinas?

Dance has many forms and none are exclusive to girls or boys, there was a male cheerleading troupe on Paul O'Grady the other week and they didn't look girly!

I would laugh and say "Oh, Auntie XXX is SO old fashioned isn't she! Fancy thinking dancing is just for girls! She's been living in a hole if she hasn't seen Ricky Whittle on Strictly, or that gorgeous lead dancer on Diversity "

Another point to mention is that male ballet dancers have the pick of some beautiful, lithe, fit female ballet dancers so he wouldn't be spoiled for choice in the future....

CardyMow · 23/12/2009 12:12

Your SIL is an idiot! My 7yo DS and his best friend both attend musical theatre, and hip-hop dance class. NO-ONE would think about 'taking the mickey' out of him, he stands head and shoulders taller than most 7yo's, and is built like the proverbial brick shitout house. (Not fat, just Very muscular with a 6-pack at 7yo!). HE enjoys it, as does his best mate, they are the only 2 boys at Musical theatre club, but they are both Excellent dancers and actors, my 7yo DS is looking at auditioning for a musical that he is being put forward to. Would your SIL have a problem with that??!! She needs to get a life and grow up a little! My DS also attends Karate club...Is she jealous that your DC is a better dancer than hers?

LittlewhiskersCat · 23/12/2009 12:12

8 wouldn't HE be spoiled for choice

Mishy1234 · 23/12/2009 12:18

Sorry, meant 'disrespectful'. The Christmas rush is getting to me...

jardy · 23/12/2009 12:35

Upset to read this about your gorgeous son.
Whats up with her?What a twonk.

Mmmango · 23/12/2009 12:41

I agree with everyone that dancing takes a lot of strength and skill, for both genders. Lots of good ideas for showing op' little boy positive images of boys dancing.

Isn't it a shame that "you're a girl" is seen as such a terrible insult for a boy, rather than just inaccurate (and a stupid thing to say)?

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 23/12/2009 12:50

YANBU. Your SIL is a bitch. Dancers generally are incredibly fit and strong, and male dancers even more so (all that lifting and making their partner look graceful). I would be tempted to explain to your DS exactly what 'bratty primadoona' means, and how it applies to his aunt. I might also teach him a new dance move, involving two fingers, for any future stupid arse comments from her. But then I am quite hormonal

ChilloHippi · 23/12/2009 12:56

Your poor DS. What a horrid thing to say to a child. Male ballet dancers earn a fortune, so it's to be encouraged IMO.

ReindeerInaSkoda · 23/12/2009 12:59

fwiw even if male dancers were a bunch of nancy boys, the SIL is still being a twat. The OP's ds could be prancing about in a tutu wafting a feather boa around and singing Dancing Queen at the age of 16 and she would still be in the wrong. I pity the SIL's ds, tbh.

mattellie · 23/12/2009 15:35

bogie, one of the boys DS plays football with is in Oliver! on the West End and I can tell you that all the football lads think it?s great. They absolutely love it when he sings or dances, he?s so talented.

The idea of boys singing and dancing being somehow ?unsuitable is hopelessly out of date ? thank goodness ? and so is your SIL.

sparklefrog · 23/12/2009 15:42

Mary Poppins? Isn't that the film where Dick Van Dyke dances?????

And Mr Banks???

What a nasty thing to do to your DS!!

I love watching children dancing, and the dance classes in my area have boys and girls in their classes.

What a sexist person your SIL is.

YAdefNBU

kinnies · 23/12/2009 17:47

YANBU

I'd have been hadr pushed not to slap the silly bitch

CirrhosisByTheSea · 23/12/2009 18:02

god it's so depressing that some people still think in these outdated and prejudiced cliches

I do wonder what actually is in these people's heads, because original thought is certainly not

I think the main lesson here is to help your DS deal with small minded comments and not allow himself to be influenced by them.

Bunnyjo · 23/12/2009 18:19

YANBU at all. Your poor DS

I cannot believe how childish and nasty your SIL is; to belittle a 4yr old is disgusting. I would mention how upset your DS was when she taunted him and point out to her that she is the adult, not the child. Also explain to your DS that there are plenty of male dancers and maybe show him youtube clips of acts like Diversity. Your DS may well be the next street dancer or latin King.

Your SIL needs to grow up and start acting like an adult, instead of a spoilt child. God, some people make me so

CupOChristmasCheerfulYank · 23/12/2009 18:19

My DS loves to dance. That and ice hockey are his favorite pursuits. He's as "manly" a little guy as can be, but if he weren't what of it? He could turn out to be the most flamboyant gay man alive and he'd still be my son wouldn't he? Who really cares about this stuff in this day and age?

ToFalalalola · 23/12/2009 18:57

Tell your DS that men who can dance are WONDERFUL!!!

Suppose this might not be helpful until girls are no longer yucky to him, but...

Every black tie party that I've ever been to there have been one or two men who could really dance and they always had ALL the women hanging off their every word.

I still remember about 10 years ago going to a party on a beach and this bloke (mate of my boyf at the time) grabbing me for a dance - he was a fab dancer and I developed a instant (silent) crush on him

HappyChristmasFromKimi · 23/12/2009 19:00

Get her a copy of Billy Elliott for Christmas, and tell her her child is funny looking

Saucepanman · 23/12/2009 21:46

Horrible SIL, this has made me quite My 7yo ds is a nifty little dancer, interested in learning things he sees on tv and quite good at picking it up, but if he is in front of anyone other than me, dh and dd he won't do it because one of his "friends" made fun of his dancing a while ago for NO reason and he has never forgotten it, and is so self conscious.

You are right to keep on with the comments imo, nip it in the bud and hope that SIL soon grows out of being a brat.

pigletmania · 23/12/2009 21:59

Norfolkbradturkey the Patrick Swayze autobiography is very good and makes and very interesting read, he studied ballet at a prestigious New York ballet school.

coldtits · 23/12/2009 22:03

next time she tells you of the newest thing her PFB just did - make the comment "See, that would worry me..." - then refuse to elaborate.

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