Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DS's biggest present to come from Father Christmas

65 replies

fruitsticksinyourstocking · 22/12/2009 23:45

OK I realise I am over analysing things a little but here goes.

DS1 (3.5) really really wanted a quad bike for Christmas (one of those battery operated ride on ones). I didn't really think he should have one but FIL, who is the only grandparent, offered to buy him one.

We (well, I) have bought him an ELC keyboard and a few other small presents, socks, pants etc. which will all come from Father Christmas.

I assumed that FIL would do the whole - ooh I think FC left you something else in the garage when he arrive on Christmas Day but DH says no, it should come from him.

This really upsets me, irrationally so.

Do I mind because he is spoiling the whole magic of Father Christmas bringing what he really wants?

Or do I mind that he is buying him an expensive 'showy' present and we are not.

I don't know. But what say all of you? Have I lost all perspective?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 23/12/2009 09:43

Agree with others that your FIL should be the one with his name on the label for his gift, not FC.

In our house FC is mainly a delivery service for some gifts, although not all - some are under the tree as I type. This gets round the fact that DD sees people swapping gifts, etc. He also brings DD one gift of his own (as we don't do stockings). We provide the cash for FC.

This way DD can thank the appropriate people for her presents, but still gets the FC magic too.

MadameCastafiore · 23/12/2009 09:44

Ooohhhh you don't give them the biggest gift from Santa or they expect it every year and it becomes very very expensive. By the time he is 10 he will be wanting a laptop and a motorbike and then at 15 a car and a new house!

It always comes from us or family in our house and santa brings them lots of things off of their list but they know Santa is busy and only gets so much to spend on each children fromthe Elves Toy Shop.

Our mantra is 'Keep their expectations low and then they won't expect much!'

jellyjelly · 23/12/2009 09:47

I dont think fc should get the credit. I think the children need to see how much work i put in to give my son the presents he wants at christmas time.

I am a sp who works bloody hard and i want my boy to know that i provide for him and fc gets a few things.

Oblomov · 23/12/2009 09:47

Ds, nearly 6 always remembers the presents that people buy him.
My mum, = Nana, buys th ebest ever, inexpensive, most thought and care and hardship to get hold of, presents.

Nanny seaside - dh's mum. she buys the funniest , best , cheapest tat, that you never ever see anywhere else. DS LOVES IT.

Dh and i buy him one big present.

He remebers evertyhing. And whom bought it. I don't know hwy how he remmebers, but he just does.

I want him to know how much time and effort and thought i give him, when I traipse round ... buying on e-bay, quirky little batman things.

Thats what I want credit for.

You guys this this is unreasonable, do you ?

pagwatch · 23/12/2009 09:48

I always sit here mouth agae at these threads. I always assumed everyone did it the same.

Children wake up and get stocking and a present from santa. We all have breakfast and walk the dog and eat lunch. After lunch we, as a family, exchange gifts to each other which means DH and I give the children each a present and each of the children give us one.

Santa morning magic. Exchange of gifts in the afternoon. We all get to be nice to each other and DCs learn really early about giving and receiving gifts.

The DCs get just as excited about what they give us which is lovely.

[other people are weird] and [ner]

RBSWife · 23/12/2009 09:51

Sorry, I tend to agree with the majority here. In our house, FC leaves a stocking on their beds and a few presents under the tree. There are also presents from us under the tree. Anything given by anyone else is most definitely from that person. FWIW , FC does usually leave the 'special' present, but in this house, they have rarely cost much more than about £25 or so. It's a bit different now because the DCs are late teens/early twenties, but we still do the 'game' of stockings on beds and FC presents! Though now they are older, they get fewer, but more costly items.

When I was a child, my grandparents always gave us their present, but there was also a small stocking that FC had left for us at their house? Could this be a compromise for you? But I do think that something as special as a quad bike really should come from the giver.

HeffaMerryChristmas · 23/12/2009 09:54

Father Christmas always just brought me a stocking when I was little, not any big presents. My mum always said that she worked with Father Christmas so he'd tell her what I wanted and sometimes she'd wrap things as well. I don't think I ever thought it was weird so it certainly didn't spoil the magic.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 23/12/2009 09:54

We do the same as pagwatch.

[ner]

slng · 23/12/2009 10:09

I am not letting some imaginary house-breaking beardy type take any credit for buying my children things.

Earthstar · 23/12/2009 10:15

Stockings come from FC in our house, the rest are from the givers - it is unfair to deny FIL credit unless he wants that present to come from FC imo.

Different traditions in different families I guess, but I think good manners should trump tradition.

Your DS will not hold it against you if you didn't buy the most expensive prresent and his grandfather did! He may well like a £1 toy the best of all anyhow!

Relax and enjoy

mazzystartled · 23/12/2009 10:16

no no no
you can't let santa bring the good stuff
that let's the side down and takes the enjoyment out of the new toothbrush, novelty pants and colouring books that he's supposed to bring
being given something he really wanted from his grandad is way more important - it will create really special memories for him, whereas he won't even believe in Santa in 3 or 4 years time.
think of it as recession proofing your future christmasses too

hohoholepew · 23/12/2009 10:17

All the presents we buy come from FC but we tell the DDs we have to give him money towards them, to stop them expecting the entire Argos catalogue.

This is the correct thing to do, I think you'll find [smug].

ReindeerInaSkoda · 23/12/2009 11:00

Father Christmas fills the stocking - the rest come from friends and family. This is why some people have more presents than others - their friends and family are better off (or have different priorities etc).

If Father Christmas gave big presents he'd only be giving them to the children in better off families (or spolit ones even ), in which case he'd be a twat and I wouldn't leave a mince pie and a glass of wine out for him. And he'd have to find his own carrots for Rudolph.

Think about it - if Father Christmas gave big presents why do we get our DC to donate toys to charities that distribute them to children whose parents can't afford much? Or who don't have any family at all? Is it because Father Christmas is a bastard who ignores the poor?

Surely everyone knows this?!?!

vodkaandcoke · 23/12/2009 11:10

We also tell the kids that we give FC the money so that he can buy the presents. Everything from family and friends comes from them and gets a thank you.

PippiliveslikeLauraIngalls · 23/12/2009 11:25

Everything my children (4 and 1) get comes from FC. Except presents from they little friends. My brother, my mum, MIL and any adults will just put theirs under the tree. No one takes any credit for anything, except for FC himself. Surely the child happy face it is enough a thank you. I am sure SIL will object to this but I do not care. It is my house, my children and if she wants to come she will do as I say (a bit of history there as you can imagine).

Having said that after having read the threads I get the point of the unfairiness of some having more than others. But I am not sure children see it that way. As a child that thought of comparing never crossed my mind. It was obvious to us that FC could not bring everything one asked and that you were lucky to get something.

Original poster
fruitsticksinyourstocking · 23/12/2009 11:44

Thank you all - I knew you were right all along.

Special thanks goes to Reindeerinaskoda who has given me a logical reason why it is right for the good of all children that it comes from FIL.

I'll find something else to worry about now.

Thank you x

OP posts:
ScreaminEagle · 23/12/2009 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ReindeerInaSkoda · 23/12/2009 12:02

Any time

mazzystartled · 23/12/2009 12:11

Pippi, I think you ought to care.

A gift from someone who loves you is way more important than a gift from a mythical construct. I'd be very pissed off if I had gone to time and trouble to think of a gift for someone and actually they never knew it came from me. It's part of building a relationship.

For the OP's DS getting something AMAZING from his grandad is something that he will associate with him for a long time, rather than something he just got for Christmas.

Morloth · 23/12/2009 12:11

Wish someone would buy me a quad bike for Christmas.

YABU, let Grandpa have his moment.

Yet another reason we don't do Santa in our house, DS is in as much of a frenzy of excitement as any other kid I know - he doesn't appear to be missing out on anything.

pranma · 23/12/2009 12:32

Just had this discussion with my son in in law[who I love dearly].His family did the stockings + one pressie from FC and ours did the everything from FC.So I become m-i-l from hell,"spoiling the magic.....comparing who gave what.....want my stuff for dgs from FC....."Then I realised that the only one spoiling anything was me gave in gracefully[not my business anyway and dd happy]and added bottle of Jim Bean [from FC of course]to s-i-l's pressies.

AngryPixie · 23/12/2009 13:43

Pranma, you are a delightful MIL. Do you have any other sons

NightShoe · 23/12/2009 13:46

YABU. Father Christmas is just a glittery postman here too.

mazzystartled · 23/12/2009 13:57

aw pranma, that is proper xmas spirit

FolornHope · 23/12/2009 13:58

YAB a bit of a twat tbh

xsanta brings stockings only