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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that if you are a lone parent of either sex..

76 replies

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 22/12/2009 17:50

that there are some professions that are not a good choice?

Now before I get flamed I am NOT suggesting that lone parents should't work, and shouldn't have a job that they enjoy, however...

this morning on GMTV they had a little girl talking to her Mum in Afghanistan the little girl has been living with her grand mother for 2.5 years whilst Mum has been on overseas postings.

it made me think, that if you are the sole parent then you should value your life a bit more as you are all that child/children have.

So Go on let rip... Am I Being Unreasonable??

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 26/12/2009 00:18

i think most parents use 'work' as a means to survive. not be away from their children. i know nobody who goes to work simply to be away from their kids!!

i think this whole thread is judgey and in poor taste.

NiceShoes · 26/12/2009 00:20

Very poor taste pop at working parents.

MitchyInge · 26/12/2009 00:21

don't actually think there is anything wrong with enjoying/needing time away from your children whether working or playing

how fucked up would it be to want to spend every minute of every day cooped up in the house with them, for years and years and years while your professional and social skills atrophy?

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 00:29

"i think most parents use 'work' as a means to survive. not be away from their children. i know nobody who goes to work simply to be away from their kids!!"

Of course they do, ilovetiffany- Most parents are good parents; there is just a small percentage of parents who do not want their children. Some will use work as a means to escape them; some will neglect them, some will abuse them, some will put them in care... this does not equate to "all working parents don't want their kids". I am a working parent.

I have met parents who do this- could count them on the fingers of one hand, but they do exist.

NiceShoes · 26/12/2009 00:33

Does every MN thread have to be a bash working mums anecdotal drone?

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 00:33

I take your point about motivation, midori, but I do not agree with "it;s simply that it is a career to which there are more benefits than most."- the benefits are offset quite significantly by the increased risk of death.

But then I suppose that's a personal judgement call, and the reason that I am not in the armed forces.

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 00:36

NiceShoes, it would be a shame to turn this into a thread about working parents- it isn't.

MitchyInge · 26/12/2009 00:44

it seems to be about parents serving in the armed forces, but by extension, parents taking any sort of risk

single parents that is, for those who are part of a couple their lives are expendable I suppose?

is v difficult to work out what thread is about actually

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 00:49

I thought it was about the ethics of parent(s) taking a job which carries a high risk of death?

NiceShoes · 26/12/2009 00:50

So why all the digs at parental work choice?I have no desire to cast aspersions on working parents choices.Seems others do thou.gh

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 00:56

I see it as a discussion about the extent to which those choices impact on the lives of their children... I really don't think it's just about digs at parental career choice.

nappyaddict · 26/12/2009 01:02

YABU to say lone parents shouldn't be in the armed forces. Usually they are away for 3-6 months only out of 2 years.

However it seems this mother is actually based abroad. I sort of think SWBU to accept a post based abroad if she didn't want to take her DD there. Why not stay based in the UK where you would only have to be away for 3-6 months instead of 2.5 years?

NiceShoes · 26/12/2009 01:04

But I don't see anyone else in the frame.Thread jist is judgement on which jobs are deemed suitable as parents in terms of balance/safety.So of course it is all about parental career choice.

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 01:14

I didn't say it wasn't about parental career choice, I said it wasn't simply digs at parental career choice. It is about the impact those choices have.

Would you really support a parent's career choice regardless of their chosen career? Even if that career was prostitution or drug dealing? Would you consider the inevitable prison sentence, and the impact on their children simply an occupational hazard?

MitchyInge · 26/12/2009 01:20

What I find most objectionable is the suggestion that parents who are part of a couple will be missed less than those who are not - it is ok for a woman to risk her life in the service of her country if she has a partner or a husband to care for the children, but not if she merely has siblings, parents or the state to step in should she die?

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 01:21

That's a good question, MitchyInge.

blueshoes · 26/12/2009 09:18

Tether, if a parent needed to use work as a excuse to get away from their children, there are A LOT easier jobs they could take and still achieve the same effect.

But glad you raised the point. Because this thread is ultimately a dig at working parents via the back door, judging from some of the responses.

GypsyMoth · 26/12/2009 09:44

its a dig at lone parents....doing a job which takes them away from dc...

simply because the presumption is that there is no other parent around (alot of rubbish because alot of the time the other parent WILL be around still)so op is thinking thaat the precious little dc's are better off with parent being there,nnot doing anything remotely dangerous,and must give up their high risk job the second they become a lone parent!!!!!

er,why???? most odd,its almost 2010 fgs!!

slummymummy36 · 26/12/2009 10:31

Most people choose their career route long before they even start thinking about having children! So how and when do you change the WHOLE direction your career has taken you when you get to say 30ish and think about it.

Should people in certain jobs then start thinking about kids 5 years before the checkout girl at Tesco - to give them a chance to retrain in a career/job direction that would be less dangerous?

By the very nature of the Armed Forces - its usually a career choice most people make in their late teens and early 20's. The RAF do recruit upto age 36 in certain trades but the join up rate at that age is quite low in comparison.

Not everyone plans on being a single parent!

Life changes. Shit happens.

I think its brilliant that single parents go out there and work rather than opting for lifetime on benefits. I play at being a single mum for a few months everytime my DH deploys - its bloody hard. So all single parents - I take my hat off to you!

tethersjinglebellend · 26/12/2009 12:56

"Tether, if a parent needed to use work as a excuse to get away from their children, there are A LOT easier jobs they could take and still achieve the same effect."

I agree, blueshoes- I made that point further up the thread. I was just saying that not every person is a good parent, whatever their profession; there will be bad parents in the armed forces in the same way there are bad parents in teaching, retail, law etc. The fact that someone is 'serving their country' does not mean they are good parent. the question is, does it necessarily mean they are a bad one? I'm genuinely not sure what I think if I'm honest. There have been many excellent points made on this thread, from both sides of the argument.

jellybeans · 26/12/2009 13:23

YANBU i think it's not fair on the kid/s.

GypsyMoth · 26/12/2009 13:27

jellybeans....people can't live their whole life around 'the kids'!!!! how would they be supported with a non working parent then??

jellybeans · 27/12/2009 13:28

There are loads of other jobs where you can see your kids and still work...

midori1999 · 27/12/2009 13:36

Gosh, yes, my husband never sees his kids....

Ivykaty44 · 27/12/2009 13:36

In other cultures it is normal for the grandparents to look after the grandchildren for months on end and the parents work miles away. A lafgre portion of Asia, including china take this as the norm.

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