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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have totally opted out of christmas.....

29 replies

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 08:15

Ok were 35 weeks pregnant and im on a dmp due to debt etc. Every year we manage to buy a little something for everyone in the family even if its just spending a fiver per person but this year is very different.

Had notice served on us a couple of weeks ago due to rent arrears and so our priority has obviosuly been clearing the arrears as much as we can, along with buying last bits needed for babies arrival and food for ourselves.

I have explained the situation to my own family who have been fantastic and understanding and have said dont buy anything for them or the kids which has taken the pressure of.

DH family though are quite different and his sis is very materialistic spending lots of money on us every year. His dad visited this weekend with gifts and I explained honestly we can not afford presents this year very sorry but priority is the baby etc, he was fine, but we still have not told his brother or sister! I feel terribly embarassed and dh wont do this himself. Do you think we are being unreasonable and should explain to them or just wait and struggle to buy them something in the new year. We cant possibly tell them about the arrears situation.

Please dont suggest I make something etc as much as Id love to have been feeling incredibly stressed about the whole thing and just want to hide under my duvet till christmas is over. Told dh i feel to stressed to even discuss it iykwim.

Thanks and sorry for the rant!

OP posts:
CybilinExcelsisDaewoo · 21/12/2009 08:15

I think to opt out is fine but you've left it a bit late telling everyone

akhems · 21/12/2009 08:18

Nope I don't think that's unreasonable at all and if his relatives can't understand that then fuck 'em! You've got a new baby coming and the roof over your head is far more important than plastic tacky crap that no one really wants.

I've pretty much done the same this year, although for different reasons and I'm past caring what anyone thinks.

littleboyblue · 21/12/2009 08:22

Survival is far more important than presents.
And tbh, if I were a member of your family and you got me a present whilst you are in this situation, I'd be a little upset that you didn't use that money (even if it was £2) to help yourselves.

I aven't bought much this year as can't afford to. I got a big tub of air drying clay and my 2 ds's have done hand and footprint that we will cover in paint and glitter tomorrow. That's what all my family members are getting. It cost me £5 for the tub of clay and I'm getting 7 gifts out of it

StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2009 08:24

yanbu in the slightest
hope you can get your finances sorted

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 08:29

thankyou ladies i feel alot better now. His brother usually drop pressies to us in the next couple of days hopefully he wont due to the ice but if he does i think i will have to be honest to him his dad actually said hed prefer honesty rather than people getting into more debt just to buy people presents which was a relief to hear just my priority right now as i told hubby and my family is nursing bra and nightie and bits for baby!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 08:31

little well done for the 7 pressies that is fantastic!! I think that sounds like a fantastic present and something your family will love!

OP posts:
HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 21/12/2009 08:33

tell them the truth, or as much of it as possible without going into the finer details. Say you are under huge financial pressure and unfortunately are unable to do pressies this year. Phone him in advance and say you would rather they didnt give either. If they still want to give pressies toyou, it is up to them. Don't feel bad about it. Your own situation is far more important than spending unnecessarily. Tell them that maybe once your situation is better you can get them something during next year.

Hope it all works out for you.

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 08:38

huge do you think I should message them both then now or is it to late? I dont think I can handle the embarassment on my doorstep as DH is at work all week till xmas eve so ill be the one seeing them.

Slightly worried now.....

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HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 21/12/2009 08:51

Yes, I think do it now, then there will be no embarassment on either part. You will be fine. Hopefully then, he won't come with anything for you and you will feel better. If he does still turn up, then there are no cringeworthy moments.

I would think you are not alone in this predicament. There are thousands in the same boat.

MamaLazarou · 21/12/2009 08:56

YANBU. Yes, tell them now, before they turn up, as it could be awkward. Good luck with everything. xx

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 08:58

ok i dont have their mob number so will message them now through facebook, am sure they will totally understand! Why on earth I feel nervous I dont know!

OP posts:
HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 21/12/2009 09:02

you will feel heaps better once you have done it. Who knows they may well be in the same boat and feel quite relieved.

Let us know when you get a response.

AvrilH · 21/12/2009 09:07

Yes, tell them now, before they bring the presents.

And don't worry, they should understand!

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 09:09

well have messaged his brother i cant do his sister but i assume his bro will mention to his sister in time!
If not well i will ask dh to let her know.

OP posts:
Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 09:11

In the message to his bro I said its likely dh will say we had not got anything yet but in reality we just cant afford it and I hope they understand and we will make it up next year, but would prefer if they did not get us anything as it might cause embarassment.

now to wait phew.

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HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 21/12/2009 09:13

well done, bet you feel better.

Would you like to email me on [email protected]

Am popping out shortly for the day.

Longtinsellyjosie · 21/12/2009 09:15

I'm a bit at your DH leaving you to do this with his family.

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 09:15

I do feel a bit better once I hear from his brother knowing he has seen the message i will be so relieved!

as for his sister well im debating actually calling her to explain while dh is at work!

will keep you posted and huge I hope you have a lovely day!

OP posts:
crumpette · 21/12/2009 09:21

YANBU at all!

Well done for sending the message, I agree maybe DH should have done it, but well done, chances are they will still turn up with pressies and all you need to say is thank you

I'm completely opting out of christmas this year, I have got really nice cards (but only for a few people!) and that is my entire christmas effort!

Most years I send cards to everyone, get presents for everyone etc etc, I have to confess I am not bothering to tell anyone I have opted out this year either, I'm just hibernating and avoiding all social encounters!!! Am 37+ wks preg, having financial disasters, have had a horrendous year losing 2 people very close to me and cannot wait til it's all over!

bah humbug

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 21/12/2009 09:26

Tell your DH to pull his finger out and sort it.

Git.

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 09:37

heya crumpette! were on the same antenatal thread!

Im so glad im not alone, perhaps I should just ignore the door later I really hope your christmas is good from what I have read you have had a shit year and should just be concentrating on the arrival of your ds!

Itsall I think I will tell dh i sent his brother a message today and its his responsibility to tell his sister, considering his dad reacted as well as he did im sure his sister will be fine about it.

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crumpette · 21/12/2009 09:48

waves! thanks for kind wishes, yeah has been pretty awful, the most festive thing I am doing this year is using xmas smileys!!!

yes, ignore the door lol, turn off the lights, crawl along the floor and pretend you are not at home

ooh is that just me ?

I think you've done really well, get DH to ensure his sister gets the message too, then sit back, eat as much christmas food as possible and relax!

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 09:52

lol crumpette crawl along the floor.... If your as big as me that would be quite a sight with my bum very high lol!

Id eat as much as I could but we have been very sensible and only bought food for the dinner rather than going all out on junk food, its a case of buying multipack of big knickers rather than crisps and nuts lol.

Was lucky as dmp i dont have luxuries such as sky, magazines etc so we have managed to get so much through freecycle etc. Almost ready for baby now just need bra and nighties

You almost ready now?

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crumpette · 21/12/2009 10:05

babies wear bras?!

have only just packed a hospital bag of sorts...
ordered some furniture a long time ago from ikea which hasn't arrived... and which will then take 3 weeks to assemble...

so not very ready!

Original poster
hurrydownthechimneytonight · 21/12/2009 10:09

lol crumpette!

when are you expecting delivery of furniture??

Not long to go now for you

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