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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think smoking is worse than looking unfashionable?

52 replies

miserablemoralvacuum · 20/12/2009 17:17

ARGGGGH.

have just survived a lunch party with my dear sister and BIL, and some erm "friends" of ours who I could absolutely biff over the head after today.

Friends spent nearly 5 hours talking about their weight, how fashionably dressed they are, how fashionable their holidays are and how boring and unimaginative everyone else is, and - for quite some time- where the wife's favourite lingerie shop is in Paris, how much she spent last time she went there, how she bets most english women wear grey drawers and bras that don't fit... ie a load of self-absorbed twaddle one might expect to hear from a spoilt princessy 16 year old talking to her best friend.

friends have also taken up smoking, and kept making rueful "jokes" (pointed comments) about being forced to go outside for a fag. They kept offering them to us - despite me and DS having hideous colds. My sister, who I thought doesn't smoke, started accepting their offers and going outside with them.

Anyway after the friends have left my sister started going on about how wonderfully cool the friends are, and how she wants to go to paris and how it's so important for a wife to look great, dress properly, and be the right weight. All said while staring at me in my ugg boots, faded jeans, thermals and 4 handknitted jumpers, with a snotty 5yo hanging off my leg. With my face grey with tiredness after having been up most of the night with DS and got up to cook the bloody lunch.

I said pointedly that the only reason female friend is underweight is that she smokes like a chimney and is anorexic, and too busy buying french underwear and staring at herself in the mirror to go food shopping.

Dear sister shot back a remark about me maybe needing to take up smoking, no wonder my DH spent the whole lunch staring at female friend if all he ever sees is me in my long underwear and crappy old knitted jumpers from grandma.

Is she a lunatic or what? SMOKING FFS!!!!!!

OP posts:
miserablemoralvacuum · 20/12/2009 17:24

(begins to realise noone actually cares or is willing to have an argument about the (de-)merits of smoking to stay fashionably slim... slinks off grumpily to check if there is any wine left from lunch...)

OP posts:
HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 20/12/2009 17:27

I enjoy smoking.

fattybumbum · 20/12/2009 17:28

Not going to have an argument about anything except that they are a pack of vacuous cunts (sis included) YABU in having anything to do with the lot of them!

lockets · 20/12/2009 17:28

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thesecondcoming · 20/12/2009 17:29

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Nancy66 · 20/12/2009 17:29

They sound like a bunch of immature twats. Steer clear.

Smoking might keep them thin but will also give them the complexion of Dot Cotton, teeth like the Queen Mother and foul pig breath - so it's swings and roundabouts.

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 20/12/2009 17:30

Never speak to any of them ever again. Don't waste another second of your life on such insufferable people .

miserablemoralvacuum · 20/12/2009 17:35

bibbity: yep totally. I agree

twunts.

What I find really depressing is they're bloody oxbridge academics... not 14 year olds with zero educational opportunities. And the husband is a medic. who clearly cares less about his leathery skin than his lovely soft leather jacket.

Still at least my DH has now walked past and said "j*sus... what's happened to that lot? they were capable of holding a decent conversation before they went on sabbatical..."

(DH you STAR. it was within my sister's earshot )

OP posts:
Olifin · 20/12/2009 17:37

The friends sound like twats and your sister sounds a touch impressionable. Is she 18?

As for grey pants and ill-fitting bras....yeah, that's me. I don't have the sort of budget that stretches to nice underwear, unfortunately. Nonetheless, I seem to have managed to 'keep' my OH thus far so I must be doing something right.

My OH has got a couple of friends who are a bit like this. I laughed like a drain when one of them told me, last summer, that I 'ought' to grow DS's hair as it is currently 'all about little boys with long hair'. I think she was talking about fashion and quite what fashion has to do with a 1 year-old boy, I have no idea!

So....YANBU, as far as I'm concerned, although I'm not entirely sure how the smoking is relevant, really.

InMyLittleHead · 20/12/2009 17:41

Taking up smoking at that age (i.e. grown up) is just weird. I don't think it does that much for keeping you thin actually, plus if it doesn't kill you it will make you look like shit.

Your sister sounds...charming.

sarah293 · 20/12/2009 17:44

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thisparachuteisaknapsack · 20/12/2009 17:45

My BIL was a smoker and he has recently come out of a long term relationship. He has given up now he is looking for a gf because 'lets face it, I really don't want to date a girl who would date a smoker. It makes me look like a knob.'

Olifin · 20/12/2009 17:46

'Taking up smoking at that age (i.e. grown up) is just weird'

Yes, I thought that too! Every smoker I know started when they were 13/14.

Though I hate to say it but....I'm at my thinnest when I'm smoking. But I have a generally quite unhealthy attitude to my weight anyway so I wouldn't recommend smoking as a way of staying slim!

miserablemoralvacuum · 20/12/2009 17:49

dsis is 36. Not 18.

smoking and fashion obsession of course aren't causally related, though they do seem to correlate strongly.

I think I was being incoherent because I am so cross. Smoking is SO CLEARLY BAD FOR YOU and these people are intelligent, educated, privileged, come from non-smoking backgrounds and are so SILLY as to have taken it up in their 30s/40s because they think it's cool. Not got hooked as 13 year olds on a sinkhole estate with nowt better to do.

sorry this is turning into an anti-smoking rant.

They used to be so nice and so interesting!

OP posts:
Tortington · 20/12/2009 17:51

its ok for poor people to smoke.

blueshoes · 20/12/2009 17:52

How old is your sister?

miserablemoralvacuum · 20/12/2009 17:54

Chr*st no, it's not ok for anyone to smoke in my mental model of life. But I can see how people get hooked and then don't have the wherewithal to kick the habit - if they get hooked because of peer pressure aged 14.

Sorry if I have accidentally offended you, custy.

OP posts:
skihorse · 20/12/2009 17:55

Oooh she sounds just like me! I started smoking to get in with the "in crowd" - I was 12 - how old is she?

InMyLittleHead · 20/12/2009 17:55

Smoking is so 1989.

Tortington · 20/12/2009 17:56

nah, i was being deliberatley obtuse, i apologise.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 20/12/2009 17:57

I smoke as much as possible and agree that it isn't a good lifestyle choice. I am pretty shocked that your ds would go and smoke with them if she hasn't in the past or isn't a habitual smoker. It doesn't keep me slim at all, I weigh around 90kgs.

OrmIrian · 20/12/2009 17:58

No YANBU. SMoking is a stupid thing to do.

DH is 47, has been smoking since his early teens, and cannot give up. He has tried about 20 times. He is going to start feeling the consequences of it very soon in terms of degraded health They must be mad, as well as stupid and unpleasant.

GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2009 18:06

Looking unfashionable carries no risk of cancer or bronchitis.

I feel sorry for any fashionably dressed smoker standing outside in this weather ... frozen and with mucked up lungs...

ImSoNotTelling · 20/12/2009 18:12

Totally agree with everyone who has said my first thought - what kind of TWAT takes up smoking as an ADULT?

I started at 16 when I was young and stupid and didn't manage to kick it for years. It is SO addictive and so hard to stop. The ONLY excuse for smoking is that you started when you were young and foolish. Anything else is lunacy.

What a bunch of cocks.

miserablemoralvacuum · 20/12/2009 18:28

"I feel sorry for any fashionably dressed smoker standing outside in this weather ... frozen and with mucked up lungs..."

Exactly.

My sister just tried to have another shot at me about looking good so that my DS grows up to respect the whole woman rather than just the mummy who does everything.

She is an eco-worrier (as opposed to actually having a clue about anything to do with sustainable energy or climate change) - so I pointed out that long underwear and handknitted jumpers 20 years old from Grandma are a much more low carbon choice than being in hospital with bronchitis/ lung cancer in your Dior nightie and parisian undies.

Perpetuating the mixed-up nature of the argument about both appearance and smoking, but hey it worked, she got cross and I'm right... and DH snorted into his wine...

OP posts:
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