to have text dh saying...

[ihatetinselbob]

Dh and dc's in the kitchen with me this morning. Dh is usually at work when they have their breakfast. Dc's want to open their advent calendars.
DH says 'no, not until after your breakfast'.
I said 'they usually have them while I'm getting breakfast.'
DH says'not today, Daddy's here so it's Daddy's rules'.
I say 'you can't just change the way we do things just because you're here'.
Dh says 'my rules and my rules over-ride all other rules'.
I ignored this as I didn't want to kill him infront of the dc's.
He's flounced back off to bed for a lie in and I just sent him a text saying 'please don't do that again, you're rules are not more important than mine and I don't want dc's thinking that they are'.
I'm so with him.
AIBU?

yanbu.

he believes that he outranks you!!!

I agree with chipping in, don't apologise. if you back down, it'll reinforce his belief that his rules are the ones that count. He'll merely think to himself, had a bit of bother bringing one of the subordinates to heel but 'proper order' has been restored.

you don't have to sulk or carry ON the argument, but certainly do not apologise.

I find his attitude hugely worrying. He is not treating you as an equal, he believes he has the right to overide anything you say simply because he's Daddy. This will send messages to your children that Daddys views and subsequently mens views are of more importance than Mummys/womens views.

Do not apologise! He's the one that needs to get his head out of his arse!

I would seriously go out for the day. Just make sure the kids are fed and just leave. Then text him saying that you've gone out for the day and you assume he won't mind as his views are more important than yours anyway and you're not sure if you can meet his ideals so you've gone out so that you don't get in his way! He can have Daddy rules all day now!

Oh my goodness I would have bloody well killed mine if he'd said that! And actually I would have made a bloody big deal of it right there and then, for the childrens' sake. Maybe you weren't sure how he'd react in which case you did the right thing, but oh boy is he going to have to do some explaining to them...

I agree with pinkyrose .

Do you often have this sort of thing happen?

On something as trivial as this, if the children ask their father then they go by what he says, even if I do it differently.

But I´m not sure if this is the case here.

That´s what I was meaning by undermining earlier.

It bothers me for you that you sent the message as a text instead of going up to DH and saying it face-to-face: it suggests a more deep-rooted communication problem. Hope that's not the case. Certainly YANBU.

Storm in a teacup, was he perhaps cranky because he doesn' 'do' mornings? What he said would annoy me, but I wouldn't have a huge argument over it, life's too short! Hope you have managed to sort it out, face to face hopefully and not by text.

But it's not a storm in a teacup! He totally undermimed her in front of thier children and insisted on having the last say with no regard to her, what kind of message is that sending out?

Saying maybe he doesn't 'do' mornings is a cop out. I don't 'do' mornings either but you just have to get on with it. And work with your partner as equals.

Plus if they have a daughter is this what she's got to look forward to, having a husband who tell's her how things are and what rules to obey and presumably she'll be in the wrong if she questions it?

If they have a son will he think this is the way to treat his future wife, laying down the rules and not listening to her? This goes a whole lot deeper than an advent calendar, it's about the right to be treated as an equal and not be undermimed by the one person who is meant to love you and support you no matter what.

Thanks again for all the replies. PML at Chippingin and the wet fish.
He has never said anything or done anything like this before, he is a good Dad and Husband and we have a good relationship. Which is probably why it made me so mad.
Dh got up not long after I went to start dinner and he apoligised straight away. He said he was only joking, I told him that I didn't think that he was and that he's really upset me. We had a good chat and he admitted he was in the wrong.
He been extra nice all day.
Thanks for all the support and for letting me vent.

He probably had a sneaky read on here and decided on some damage limitation

Glad it worked out for you

Right - I've put the wet fish into the freezer - but just remember it's there anytime you need it (& no need to defrost it - a frozen one works even better!!!).

Happy Christmas!

Glad he apologised n you made up!

Thanks.
Merry Christmas to you too.

I can see why your DH was a bit at giving chocolate for breakfast and as a great fan of delayed gratification i would have made them wait. But if my DH had said the "Daddy's rule" thing to me I would have been apoplectic with anger

Much truth is said in jest, tinselbob - hopefully your DH will have had a bit of a shock and will consider this a bit of a wakeup

New on here, can i ask what YANBU means please?

you are not being unreasonable

as opposed to YABU, when you are

oh :-) thanks

love the names on here , fabulous.

have a look here

welcome to mumsnet !