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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want DS to go to his Cousin's birthday party today?

45 replies

Eve4Walle · 19/12/2009 06:26

DS is almost 2. His cousin (my Niece) is 2 on Monday and her birthday party is today. My Mum rang me last night to tell me that DN has been to her childminders with a couple of children who have chickenpox in it's active state. So it's very possibly DN will get it soon too. If I take DS today, he'll probably get it as well in two or so weeks time (as I believe that's the incubation period). In 2 weeks time, I'll be working full time as a favour to my company (I usually work 20 hours a week) and if he's ill I'll be worrying about him and DH won't be able to cope (he's a stay at home Dad atm).

So am I being precious in not wanting to take my DS today?

I can take a roasting, just interested to see what other think?

OP posts:

Theresalwaysroomforpudding · 19/12/2009 06:41

It is your choice, he's going to get it at some point but if you'd rather he not be exposed right now then you should keep him home. It is highly contagious in my experience so very likely your DN will have been infected.

Is your family likely to be narked if you don't go?

seeker · 19/12/2009 06:53

Why won\t your DH be able to cope?

BlueKangerooWonders · 19/12/2009 07:02

I'd go anyway. I agree with the incubation you've calculated, but wouldn't miss a family party for something that isn't very serious.

Also wonder why his father couldn't cope? AGree most children want their mum when ill, but his dad will be there all the time.

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 19/12/2009 07:13

DH can't cope - it's just the way he is. I'll get phone calls and e-mails at work telling me how hard he's finding it and then have to pick up all the slack again when I get home. It's just the way things are for me right now.

OP posts:

Hassled · 19/12/2009 07:26

Well your DH needs to sort himself out, but that's a long term thing rather than something that'll happen in the next couple of weeks. It seems incredibly unfair that he'd put that much pressure on you.

But I think it's fair enough that you miss the party - just explain the circumstances to the mother.

ChippingIn · 19/12/2009 07:41

"It's just the way things are for me right now" I hope you can get something sorted out with your DH soon, he either needs a kick up the bum or some help... depending on whether there is a real cause for his inability to cope with his own child or if he's just being a useless twat. (Apologies if there is a very real reason you accept this behaviour from him!).

As for the party, in your situation I think I'd give it a miss.... too much hassle right now if he does get CP.

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 19/12/2009 07:53

I find the 'dad won't cope' very unfair on you. If you are working full time he will be looking after him anyway and having to pick up what you do ?, ds could well have any virus , bug etc given the time of year.
I personally would take him to the party tbh

GhoulsAreLoud · 19/12/2009 07:53

I was going to say YABU until I saw your DH is a SAHD.

In which case you should go, and your DH should deal with any illness in his usual capacity as SAHD.

GhoulsAreLoud · 19/12/2009 07:54

Sorry meant I was going to say YANBU til..

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 19/12/2009 07:56

What GAL said.

NoahAndTheWhale · 19/12/2009 08:23

If it weren't for the chicken pox would you want to go?

You can never tell when children will get it - some need one exposure and some can be exposed many times and not get it. If your DH is a SAHD then he would need to cope with illnesses, whenever they happened.

pigletmania · 19/12/2009 08:30

I would not expose your ds unessessarily at the moment, true they might get it sometime along the line but surely you would rather prevent it atm if you can, though 2 they are still really young, if my dd were to get it i would rather her be a bit older of school age if poss.

blametheparents · 19/12/2009 08:31

I would go

Your DN hasn't even got it yet.

Your DS could have been exposed to it or any other bugs without your knowledge and could come down with anything at this time of year.

Difficult to live your life with 'what ifs', just go!

PrincessToadstool · 19/12/2009 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DidSantasMum · 19/12/2009 08:41

I would like to be very annoying here and say that yes whilst DH could look after ds it is going to be more about mummy worry. I worry dreadfully about ds when he is ill and hate not looking after him when he is poorly (we've had a few nasty events so am a little pfb emotionally when he gets bad illnesses)

But also chickenpox is can be really really nasty and I wouldnt let him go to this party on the basis that chickenpox kids are infectious before the spots come out so it is likely that DN has been exposured to the chicken pox earlier then it was known they hae it and be further along the infectious route. Timing is off. I would personally not go to this party but not be so worried exposing him at a different outbreak.

Getting poorly kids over the festive period is a major major PITA!

DecorHate · 19/12/2009 08:46

Sounds like your dh should get a job and you should hire a childminder who can cope...

Ime kids are at their worst with chickenpox before the spots come out. Yes some can get a bad dose but for most t is just the fact that they are contagious and can't go places that is the problem...

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 19/12/2009 08:46

Why doesn't your DH go and get a full time job if he doesn't cope well at home? It's not fair on you this way around!
YANBU about the party, just cos it's Christmas, not cos of useless sounding DH though!
Aprox 13 yrs ago DS1 came down with chicken pox on Xmas eve, then DD1 on New years eve. We all had a miserable festive time with poorly little people very upset.

spicemonster · 19/12/2009 08:50

It doesn't matter what stage the cousin's infection is at (if they are infected), the incubation period is still 10-14 days.

Can't you tell your DH to leave you alone?

I am confused as to how you normally only work a 20 hr week and your DH is a SAHP but that's a whole other issue!

maxybrown · 19/12/2009 08:54

For me I would go - but mainly because I think like others have said there seems to be some problem with your DH. You can't try and plan your whole life around him like that. Basically, you are not saying you don't want your DS to go because of the chicken pox, you are saying you don't want him to go because his Dad will have to look after him if he gets it......what's that about??? You will have a very stressful life ahead if you have to plan things around making an easier life for your DH to try and make an easier life for you......in the long run it is not an easier life for you because of the pussy footing around you have to do to get there!! (so it seems)

For what it's worth, my Grandma is 86 and has never had ANY "childhood illnesses"

Plumm · 19/12/2009 10:10

I wouldn't go because I wouldn't willingly expose DD to a (potentially dangerous) virus.

However, I'm with the other posters in wonderng why your DH is a SAHD but can't cope with an ill DC.

TamsinToo · 19/12/2009 10:17

I would jump at the chnace to ensure my DCs got chickenpox whilst they were young as it is pretty much a non event. In both cases the biggest problem I had was keeping my DSs in the house when they felt perfectly fine but just had a few spots.

However my view does stem from the fact my brother got it when he was 36 and it was truely horrific then. I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemy. I actually worried about the DCs not getting it when they were young and both thankfully now have (aged 2 and 3).

I would take him because the younger the better.

clam · 19/12/2009 10:19

Well, I guess I would say you're being a bit PFB, unreasonable, your DH needs a prod, etc.... but the bottom line is that, for whatever the reason, it's potentially going to be a real pain for you if DS goes down with something during the time-frame you mention, therefore you're perfectly entitled to take steps to avoid it.
Personally, I don't think you can run your life on "what ifs" but you have chosen to. Your life, your call.

But won't your sister/brother/niece be upset?

Oh, and get your DH trained.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/12/2009 10:20

Being exposed does not guarantee getting chicken pox. DD went to her cousins birthday, the spots came out the next day, out of the 8 children there, none of whom had had CP only one came down with it.

Lulumama · 19/12/2009 10:20

it's a tough call, but your child could be exposed another time and your Dh will have to cope

this sounds like a really horrible situation, either he is the SAHD with all that entails.. including sick kids, or he also goes to work and you stay home or you both work out of the home and use childcare

for me, the nub of the situation is what is going on with DH and the chicken pox has just brought it to the fore

maxybrown · 19/12/2009 10:31

I agree lulu! I would also happily expose my Ds to it too. My Dh had it as an adult and was relatively ok, but 2 people I used to work with got it as adults (husband and wife - got it from their child) and were so so poorly as adults. But again I don't think this is the issue. he could catch anything at anytime from anywhere.

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