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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want DS to go to his Cousin's birthday party today?

45 replies

Eve4Walle · 19/12/2009 06:26

DS is almost 2. His cousin (my Niece) is 2 on Monday and her birthday party is today. My Mum rang me last night to tell me that DN has been to her childminders with a couple of children who have chickenpox in it's active state. So it's very possibly DN will get it soon too. If I take DS today, he'll probably get it as well in two or so weeks time (as I believe that's the incubation period). In 2 weeks time, I'll be working full time as a favour to my company (I usually work 20 hours a week) and if he's ill I'll be worrying about him and DH won't be able to cope (he's a stay at home Dad atm).

So am I being precious in not wanting to take my DS today?

I can take a roasting, just interested to see what other think?

OP posts:

GroundHoHoHogs · 19/12/2009 10:37

I'm sure there will be other times your DS can be exposed to CP.

Having the incubation period will be AWFUL over christmas. I had CP at 30, and DS caught it really mildly this year. While he was ill with it, I felt so awful, I thought I was going to get it again.

Don't attend the party, don't screw up your christmas.

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 19/12/2009 10:44

DH is at home becuase he has to be - if it was that easy to find a job, he would have ages ago. Other circumstances mean that with me only working 20 hours a week, we can get by.

He is depressed and finds it hard to deal with our toddler, who is not an easy baby, won't sleep in the day any more, cried for an hour after I've left etc etc. Not making excuses for him because he is infuriating, but he's wayyyy out of his comfort zone and I can see how hard it might be for him.

OP posts:

Ivykaty44 · 19/12/2009 10:53

I would not go to the party,

for me it would be a no no as if I had said I would work ful time and then knew that my dc might come down with cp after xmas.

as if my child care - in this case a person that cant cope with child - was going to go into melt down and then cause lots of stress for me and dc....

nah not worth the agro

this is about your sanity in the new year trying to work full time to earn extra money for you family

Brunettelady · 19/12/2009 11:21

I have also heard that it is much better to get chicken pox out of the way as early as possible. I maybe a bit about going to the party tbh, but like someone else said, you can't really avoid everything 'just incase'. We would never get anywhere if we did that.

I get the feeling that DH would be able to cope and its you that would have the problem being away when your DS is sick. Is that right? Oh and understandable, I wouldn't want to be away from my DS when he was ill.

ThumbleBells · 19/12/2009 11:28

I am wondering if your DN's mother has told any of the other guests about the potential infection issue? Unless they are planning on turning it into a Chicken Pox party, it's a tad irresponsible not to mention it to all other guests, unless they are all from the same CM/ had contact already.

If it's going to cause major upset in the household if your DS does catch CP now, then I would give the party a miss, regardless. There will no doubt be plenty of other opportunities for him to catch CP over the next couple of years, most of which you won't have any control or choice over - but this one you have the option to avoid, so if you want to be sure, then avoid it.

ThumbleBells · 19/12/2009 11:29

(of course I don't mean 2yo guests I mean parents of the DC attending the party)

kinnies · 19/12/2009 11:33

Eve you sound like a really careing partner.
I know your Dp is down ATM, but I bet he would cope if he had to.
Its not fair for your Dd to miss out because her Dad cant be bothered. If its more than 'cant be bothered' then you should get him to GP to see if he is depressed.
Hope you manage to go and she has a good time.

dinoroar · 19/12/2009 11:46

Personally, I'd go. I have a nearly 2yo and a nearly 4yo. I know my nearly 4yo has been in contact with a contagious chick pox child last week (it was accidental) so I am waiting for both kids to get it.

Anyway, as long as you don't have a tiny baby to consider etc etc, I'd just go.

nannynobnobs · 19/12/2009 14:13

I want my dd2 to get chicken pox out of the way TBH. dd1 caught it from her nursery and had a very easy time of it (didn't seem ill at all, spots came out and she wasn't very bothered by them) but dd2 doesn't go yet. DH only had it when he was 20... poor thing, he still has scars- he said it was horrendous.
I would go, unless your DS has underlying health problems. You never know when you're going to be exposed to something; the party could be totally germ free then you catch a bug off somebody at the bus stop.

DaftApeth · 19/12/2009 14:32

When was your neice at the childminders with the children with cp? Is she now within the period when she could start with it? I couldn't quite work it out from your op.

Ds was exposed to cp at least 3 times without getting it. When he did get it, I didn't have a clue who he caught it from.

I personally would go to the party and expect my dh to cope but, of course, situations are different.

This could be the making of your dh as he will have to cope with you out all day.

catastrojb · 19/12/2009 14:40

i haven't read the thread, but chicken pox isn't contagious unless the child is spotty. so yes, dn has probably been exposed but your ds shouldn't catch it.
i hope you and ds have a lovely time at the party if you decide to go.

Pikelit · 19/12/2009 14:49

I wouldn't assume your ds will catch chickenpox. It's a very weird virus that can be very selective and certainly take its time! However, the younger your child, the better it will be for them to have chickenpox. So if your dh already has difficulty coping, now would be better than later.

I waited until I was 31 to catch chickenpox and was very ill. Sons were 3 and 4 at the time and entertained themselves by counting my spots. Neither of them caught it. Instead, they waited until they were 10 and 11. The eleven year old catching what the GP called "an adult case" which made him very ill indeed. DS2 who succumbed two weeks later, just sailed through chickenpox despite being even spottier than his brother.

If you aren't bothered about going to your niece's party (or want an excuse to get out of it) by all means use chickenpox. But it's rather precious to miss it on the basis that your niece MAY have been contaminated.

lisasimpson · 19/12/2009 15:01

Is he doing anything to help himself with his depression? what happens if there is some other unforseen illness/emergency? you and he both need to be confident he can step up if needed.

oldspeckledtam · 19/12/2009 18:37

I'd go. You could quite easily sit next to someone at any time who had been exposed to the virus.

I deliberately took my daughter to play with children who had pox as I wanted her to get it out of the way. It took 4 different friends getting it and her playing with their spotty children before she seccumbed. And then she was horribly ill and I was terribly guilty.

I would go to a party where someone had been exposed to the virus, but not a party where there WAS pox.

SleighGirl · 19/12/2009 18:42

actually I think you are most conatgious the few days before the spots come out, that's certainly how mine caught it.

I'd rather my child was verbal before they caught having had my 11 month old hositalised for c-pox.

abbierhodes · 19/12/2009 18:48

Catastrojb, that's incorrect. Chicken Pox is most contagious before the spots come out. That's why it spreads so easily, because most people are passing it around before they know they have it.

catastrojb · 19/12/2009 19:13

ok, i stand corrected - was just going by what a friend in a similar situation was told. sorry!

GroundHoHoHogs · 20/12/2009 00:46

BTW, Both my DS and myself, caught our CP from people who had been exposed, but who had already had CP...

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't catch it thorough 3rd parties...

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 20/12/2009 13:28

DN was still in the incubation stage, but we went anyway in the end. It would have caused too many issues if we hadn't. We all had a lovely time.

OP posts:

edam · 20/12/2009 15:10

Sorry to hear about your dh. Supporting a partner who is depressed is not fun at all, I know.

What did you do about the party in the end?

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