Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be slightly pissed off with OH

48 replies

lucyanna89 · 18/12/2009 13:20

Ok, this is my first AIBU, so be gentle. I know there are loooads of OH posts floating around, but don't think any are the same as mine.
So, we have a little boy who's almost 21 months old, and I'm 38 weeks pregnant with No2. We are absolutely broke, don't have all of the things we need for new baby (no baby monitor, no celular blankets etc, not really enough clothes, my hospital bag isn't packed as I have no pj's to take into hospital and no maternity bra for breastfeeding, we have no bottles on stand-by just incase the breastfeeding doesn't go to plan for whatever reason, we are just completely unprepared). We also don't have all of our christmas presents, we still have to find around £60 for those, no food shopping bought for now up until christmas, and no food in for our christmas dinner. We have £156 in the bank until next Thursday (christmes eve!!) and £104 of that has to go to the estate agents for our rent. So we have £50, for food until next week, presents etc. I'm just praying the baby doesn't arrive early, because obviously we don't have all we need for her. OH is working on a building site (he's a scaffolder) and today at lunchtime, so now, the WHOLE site according to him is going for a drink at the pub. So he's taking £10 out of the bank, but saying he'll only buy himself 1 drink and bring the rest of the money home. From past experiences I'm almost certain he wont be bringing anything home, maybe £2-3 if we're lucky. So AIBU in being a little pissed off at this, seeing as he's leaving us with £40 for a week. We also need gas because the gas is on a meter, and nappies. If this was a 1 off, and he never got money for himself then I might be able to be ok with it, but he has a LOT of money for himself, and I have squat. We both needed our hair cut the other week, low & behold, he's had his done & I haven't, and wont be able to for ages now I shouldn't think. He got me nothing for my birthday (end of November), he's got me nothing for christmas (I know this because I know where all of our money goes) and I just feel really fed up now.
So AIBU? Sorry for the essay

OP posts:
SleighBelleDameSansMerci · 18/12/2009 13:23

YANBU.

Don't know what to say.

SleighBelleDameSansMerci · 18/12/2009 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SleighGirl · 18/12/2009 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CirrhosisByTheSea · 18/12/2009 13:30

oh dear.

I just think it's miserable all round to be that broke. No i guess he shouldn't really spend that tenner - but i think it's human nature to want to feel included with your colleagues, and I know if I was up and down scaffolding all year, specially in this weather, I'd not think a pint with my mates was too much

But equally you of course have higher priorities

However it is your choice to have a second child don't forget. I'm not saying you shouldn't by the way! Of course not - but if you're broke with one then you're even more broke with another. And that is something you've chosen so I think you need to try not to feel resentful of that situation really.

Don't forget that charity shops have lots of good baby stuff - blankets, clothes (you must have a few bits left from no:1 as well)

And luckily with a toddler, christmas does not need to be expensive, you can wrap all sorts of cheap tat and they will love it....it really is all about being together and the magic of it. The year I got most compliments about my presents to people was when I did 4 presents on a tenner! Try to focus on the family bit of it. Going for a walk around, looking at christmas lights etc is free and DS used to be spellbound by this sort of thing!

nannynobnobs · 18/12/2009 13:34

YANBU at all. I'd be furious he was being so selfish. "It's Christmas" won't wash either, why should he make it worse for you by making it better for himself?
He needs to see things in black and white. Who will he blame if the gas goes off and there's no money to buy a tenner's worth?
(I have a mint condition Cosatto front/rear facing car seat and a Littleshield high chair if you need either!) What a poo time of year you're having, and he may be stressed but he's making it worse.

mummymilky · 18/12/2009 13:38

Hi lucyanna, if you email me at coles dot charlie at gmail dot com I have some brand-new (still in packets) sleepsuits and vests that I can post to you. Nothing fancy, just white ones - bought for my DD2 (4.5 months) but she didn't need them as we had tons of unworn/hardly worn stuff from DD1 who was a huge baby and too big for many of the clothes people bought her.

Original poster
lucyanna89 · 18/12/2009 13:40

CirrhosisByTheSea - DS's presents are all sorted luckily. He hasn't had much but I know what he has got he will love. We do have some things left over from when he was a baby, but the (very expensive) baby monitor has stopped working, it seems battery acid has leaked inside it and we are re-using a few unisex babygro's etc. But we never had bottles for him because I bf'd him until I found out I was pregnant with this one, and by then he was drinking from a cup. We're not usually this poor, it's just with xmas & the new baby coming at the same time we have got a bit stuck.

SleighGirl & SleighBelleDameSansMerci - you have both just almost made me cry (damn hormones ). That is so lovely, I was definitely not expecting that when I posted on here.

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 18/12/2009 13:40

Have a look on ebay, quite often there are bags of baby clothes and baby stuff that you can get for a good price.

Have to admit, I would be pissed off if we were trying to save money and my DH was off to the pub, but then again it is Christmas!

If he has promised to go for one drink then I would trust him, but fgs tell him not to get into rounds with anyone! Just make sure he is well aware of all your commitments.

If he turns up at 2am pished as a newt, then is the time to take offence!

butadream · 18/12/2009 13:46

Lucyanna would you mind changing your mumsnet settings to receive CATs?

Original poster
lucyanna89 · 18/12/2009 13:48

Oh gosh x-posted. Mummymilky & Nannynobnob's, thankyou both so much for your lovely offers. The way I have been feeling recently has made me feel so grumpy and fed up, but knowing people that have no idea who I even am care enough to help me out in my 'time of need' means so, so much. Thankyou ladies think you just gave me my christmas spirit back.

OP posts:
MarkStretch · 18/12/2009 13:49

Lucyanna- I have lots of baby clothes too, do you know what you're having? I have lots of baby boy things.

Email me too at eggy jane at gmail dot com. I would be more than happy to send you a few bits.

Original poster
lucyanna89 · 18/12/2009 13:51

butadream - I've just changed my settings. Have to be honest though, have no clue what a CAT message is
MarkStretch (nice name), we're having a little girl. I shall email you. Thankyou x

OP posts:
butadream · 18/12/2009 13:52

Hopefully the CAT will make sense when you see your e-mails.

thesecondcoming · 18/12/2009 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1973magpie · 18/12/2009 14:51

Lucyanna - if you post a list of what you need I can have a look and see if I can help at all?

nannynobnobs · 19/12/2009 18:36

I didn't leave any contact details sorry- it's kirmildew 1 at aol dot com. don't feel embarrassed at getting in touch if you do need and want them- they'd only go on Freecycle or something anyway.

currycrazy · 19/12/2009 18:41

depending on what size you are i have some breastfeeding bras in perfect condition you could have?

littlemoominmamma · 19/12/2009 19:25

Have thrown out all my baby stuff - doh!
We are pretty broke too!!! It is soo hard.

Sending you big hug and best wishes for Christmas (try to think of your new little girl as the best present you could wish for).

If it was me I would let hubby have his drink.

x

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2009 19:40

my dh is also in the building trade so I know how fucking awful things must be for you at the moment

our household income has halved in the last year through no fault of our own

due to the recession, the building companies can pay whatever shitty wages they like because people are desperate for any job

and if they don't like it, or dare to complain they are told to fuck off because there are hundreds others waiting to take their place..

I can't put my email on here 'cos it contains my real name, but if you post yours I will reply

mascarpone · 19/12/2009 19:43

LucyAnna. I also have plenty of lovely girl baby clothes and would happily send you some bits if you let me know where to send them to. Contact me on seagole at googlemail dot com.

Best wishes for a lovely Christmas!

nbee84 · 19/12/2009 19:44

This thread has just made me cry, but they are nice tears for all the lovely peeps out there that just want to help

thesecondcoming · 19/12/2009 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wineonafridaynight · 19/12/2009 19:55

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Lack of money is crappy at the best of times but at this time of year and with a baby on the way, it must be very stressful.

Your DH is being a little unreasonable. I can see why he wants to go but still - there are clearly more important things that you could spend the money on!

Don;t think I have anything helpful to say but I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Also the kindness of people on here is lovely. Brought a tear to my eye!

TheHouseofMirth · 19/12/2009 20:24

I have baby clothes and a totally unused (but pink!) size 10-12 nightshirt. Let me know if you're me if interested.

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 19/12/2009 20:27

Lucyanna - whereabouts are you|? if you are in kent and can collect, i have a cot that we just want to give away - its a lovely cot, it was given to us, the mattress has a top bit on it that can be washed too so counts as new i would have thought. I've blankets and gro bags too that i can't bear to take to the charity shop in case they dont get used. I might have a few other things too, have to look - you'll be doing me a favour if you take the cot.

I know how it goes to have no money, we were saved from being penniless this xmas by the grace of God - DP a builder too and we know how very hard it can be. Lack of money taints everything.

flypusher1 at aol dot com