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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say no to 14 year old dd who wants to go to U-18 disco in a rougharse nightclub in Gloucester city centre?

54 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 12:37

All her friends are going apparently.

It is a horrible nightcub which I have walked into, took one look and walked right out again (for anyone who knows Gloucester, it is Liquid on Eastgate Street).

I really think she is too young to go to under 18 discos. She was only 14 on Monday. I remember getting trollied on Thunderbirds at mine. I just don't like the thought of it.

Am I being a miserable old fart? I would like to put my foot down but she has only just moved schools (moved her 6 weeks ago due to terrible bullying at her previous one) and she has been welcomed into a lovely group of girls at the new school, so obviously don't want her to feel alienated, but honestly really don't want her to go to a crappy nightclub.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 13:26

Pull the ugly bloke very easy on Eastgate Street after 11pm.

We never used to smuggle alcohol in the U18 discos but used to get trollied on 20-20 round the back of swimming pool and then stagger in.

Used to waste 50ps on condoms in the club toiles as well, then fill them with water and carry them around for some inexplcable reason.

Growing up in a seaside town just as bad as growing up in a city I think, it was so boring out of season and there was nothing to do, so everyone used to sit around getting plastered and worse.

OP posts:

bubblerock · 18/12/2009 13:28

LOL - there were always loads of old women in there, horrible place probably why they let us in! Gas was my favourite when I was 18 though

isoldeone · 18/12/2009 13:29

goml- you must have been one of those girls in the toilets I was shocked by !

herbietea · 18/12/2009 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFunderthemistletoe · 18/12/2009 13:33

YABU. It will help her make friends at school. Pick her up though.

MilkNoBrandyForSanta · 18/12/2009 13:39

U-18 nights are really well supervised...they are FOR 14 yr olds tbh! by 16/17 U-18 disco (especially the word disco!) is not cool! and they wont go!

Lovely that shes been welcomed into a group of lovely girls, i would let her go, does she have a mobile and she can send you a quick text every now and then just to say "im fine" (that was an agreement i had with my mum when i went out at 14...i still do it now )

If you trust her, and you can trust her friends...let her go...at 14 not being "allowed" to go where your mates are going can damage your rep (fickle these 14 yr olds )

Original poster

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 13:40

She is very good normally and well behaved- never given any trouble.

She has just said that everyone is going shopping in Cheltenham tomorrow for their 'Liquid dresses'. Guilt laden on bless her.

OP posts:

minervaitalica · 18/12/2009 13:41

She has had a tough time, but she looks like she has now found a new group of friends, so I would really let her go...

I went to plenty of under 18s discos when I was 14 too, and only a young teen would find that appealing. Really, it is just a lot of over-made up/perfumed bunches of girls hanging around the dancefloor trying to look cool dancing to bad music. Honestly, there is more dodgy stuff going on on your average shopping street on a sat afternoon than in a U18 disco.

Given the low risk aspect of this, is there really a point in having a row over this, with the resulting sulky teenager? Drop her and pick her up, lecture her on safety in discos (not really relevant here but it's never too early to instil these things), remind her that Trust is king, and let her go...

You may find that she does not like discos after all (frankly I got that out of the system early and never bothered with clubs at uni...)

Original poster

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 13:44

Isolde - I know, I soumnd like a terrible teenager. Honestly, I was good compared to the others, I was just a bit wibbled on a tiny amount of booze, others sadly were sozzled on Es or pot.

I will speak to DP about it later, he is normally a lot more relaxed about this kind of thing. I presume that the disco owners don't let the kids out once they are in, so as long as I drop her off andf pick her up she should be Ok

OP posts:

MilkNoBrandyForSanta · 18/12/2009 13:44

If she's well behaved and you dont have any worries then let her go...yes youll be worrying BUT she'll love it and would be talking about it with her friends for ages

I did for a second wonder what the farking hell a liquid dress was (a bottle of water? poured over her? ) then i clocked on

Hulababy · 18/12/2009 13:44

I am normally quite strict in my thoughts compared to what I read on MN.

However I do think I'd let her go. Under 18s discos are for teens, and by the time they hit 16/17y they are getting into the proper club nights, not these discos. They are full o 13-16y IME.

Original poster

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 13:46

Lol also at being called Cinderella's in the 80s (I must tell DP that one, he is a Cheltenham boy so he will know).

Oh the thought of finding clubs exciting . I went to the Prom Club in Cheltenham on Saturday, it was bloody awful.

Am only in my 30s, am such an old lady thoguh.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 18/12/2009 13:47

There was no alcohol sold at all at under 18s discos in my days.

Francagoestohollywood · 18/12/2009 13:53

Interesting thread
I'd let her go and I'd agree to pick her up at 10.30. And I'd give her a long lecture on safety in clubs.
I hated clubs as a teenager btw (apart from the roller disco in Penzance, which was brilliant), they made me uncomfortable.

isoldeone · 18/12/2009 13:55

liquid dress - nope i'm in the dark here - could someone enlighten me?

haaha though am now reminded of being confused as a 10 year old flat chested girl of talk b ypopular girls buying a "boob tube" for local primary school disco back in the 80's and asking my mum what they were. I imagined some clear tube appendages like my dad used for brewing attached to the front of the top!

Original poster

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 14:01

Oh I really want to go to a roller disco now.

Isolde - sorry I was being a bit obscure - the club they are going to is called Liquid hence Liquid dresses (ie dresses to wear to Liquid).

My embarassing thing was wearing a pair of dungarees in early 90s, all ready to go out and get down to the Happy Mondays, when one of the dunga straps got caught on a door handle, I was travelling at speed and swung round and clouted myself bang in the face on the door. In front of about 8 millions really cool people who laughed.

When DP was about 12 teen in the late 70s, he says he tried to hope over the railings at Pittville Park, got his flares trapped and face planted into the floor. He was also observed by about 8 million lauhing strangers.

OP posts:

isoldeone · 18/12/2009 14:07

hee hee goml

now reminded of old boyfriend back in the early 90's happy monday era who walked me home in those huge flared jeans that came back in fashion. it rained and he was soaked up to his knees. my dad insisted he change out of them whilst they dried on a radiator and into an old pair of his beige m and s slacks. i can see his horrified face in my minds eye as he dutifully did what my dad said. this thread is bringing back soo many memories .....

Original poster

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/12/2009 14:11

Oh bless him in a pair of beige slacks.

I remember getting caught in a summer downpour wearing a cream cheescloth shirt (worn with a fetching pair of cord flares and daps iirc) and being v embarrassed when the cheesecloth top (a) went transparent and (b) shrunk before my eyes. Running for shelter with my arms folded across my chest whilst trying not to trip arse over face on wet flare bottoms whilst daps leaked is a strong memory!

OP posts:

thesecondcoming · 18/12/2009 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrendelsMum · 18/12/2009 17:43

I think that people here are right - if you talk to her about staying safe in clubs in advance, talk about what to do if someone does offer her alcohol, drop her (and a mate?) off round the corner, get her to text you a couple of times while she's there to say things are okay, agree a plan if she doesn't enjoy herself and wants to come home (e.g. she will text, you will pick her up within 20 mins), and then pick her / them up again, she should be absolutely fine. You could phone the other girls' parents to see what time they want the girls to be picked up, and all agree a time together? Personally, I'd think that 11pm would be fine, and it sounds quite a bit more grown up than 10.30pm for only 30 minutes more.

GrendelsMum · 18/12/2009 17:44

p.s. and let her buy a smashing dress for it

Mshalfcut · 18/12/2009 17:46

Let her go

timelordvictorious · 18/12/2009 17:48

Yep, I think YABU.

It might be a skanky club, but U18 night will be really well supervised - somewhere like that will be strictly no booze, unlike something less 'official', like a house party or local disco.

We used to go to one in Cardiff when I was 14 (so, good grief, 13 years ago) and the one girl in our group who wasn't allowed to go was MERCILESSLY ridiculed for it, and left out of all conversations before (clothes, shoes, make up) and after (snogs, dances, etc).

It's Christmas. Let her go.

monkeyfacegrace · 18/12/2009 18:04

Ooooh I love Liquid! I live a few mins walk from it, and have been banned left early a few times, stopping off at the kebab shop yummmmmy!
Can I go too and supervise her?!

EvilTwinsStoleSantasSleigh · 18/12/2009 18:04

When I was a teenager, we used to have school discos in the sports hall. It was supervised by teachers. I don't think this happens any more, (I'm a teacher now, and wouldn't offer to supervise a school disco for love nor money) so I always thought that the U18 discos nightclubs run are kind of cashing in on schools' reluctance (plus insurace etc issues) to do so. So I would ask yourself - would you let her go to a disco if it was in her school sports hall? Cos it won't be THAT different, (except to her of course - even though Liquid is VILE (I know it) - club is much cooler than school hall)
If you WOULD let her go to a disco at school, I'd let her go to this one too. It will be very well supervised as others have said, and she'll feel like she's being allowed to settle into her new school. Plus, the window for this kind of thing is pretty small - in a couple of years time, she'll want to go to proper club nights, and that'll be a whole new battle...

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