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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said no??

39 replies

BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 10:27

Usually we go back to my family in Ireland for xmas. This year I've got a job in a pub which means mucho shifts over xmas so we're staying here.

It's going to be our first proper wee family xmas. DD is 14 months. I'm really looking forward to watching her play with the paper open her presents and to having a relaxing day of food, pj's and wine!

DP has a mate from uni (not a very close mate-he's seen him once in about 6 months) whose family are in Hong Kong. It's been mentioned to DP (by another mutual friend) that this friend is going to be on his own for xmas and could we invite him to ours.

I told DP I didn't want to do this. I don't know him very well but from what I do know I find him immature and hard to talk to.

AIBU??

OP posts:
dinoroar · 17/12/2009 10:34

Difficult to say. My gut feeling is YANBU, but it would depend on how lonely/desperate this guy is and what other options he has, I suppose.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 10:37

That's the thing, he has loads of mates here in the city we're in and lots of them are staying here over xmas.

I'm sure somebody will give him an invite.

Oh gawd I know I'm being a bit of a scrooge but I've been so looking forward to our cosy laid-back day. I don't want to have to do the hostess thing.

OP posts:
RainRainGoAway · 17/12/2009 10:41

In many ways YANBU as it is not your responsibility to look after this chap. Surely he could book himself on a skiing holiday, weekend doing something interesting, helping the homeless in London etc?

It all depends how much YOU like him. There are so many of my DHs friends that I would LOVE to have Xmas here, and others where it would be a right drag. If this bloke is not an amazingly good friend of your DH why the hell aren't his really good friends stepping up to invite him. I think if it was your DH best mates then YABU, but as it is not a great friend then YANBU.

ChippingIn · 17/12/2009 10:43

YANBU

I'm sure if he has lots of friends here, he'll have other options and you have a family day planned - enjoy it - end of.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 10:46

It's definitely the latter Rain - he's not a best mate and tbh he irritates the feck out of me with his addiction to coca-cola (won't drink anything else), his inability to eat any food that isn't beige and processed and his mild pyromaniac tendencies.

OP posts:
TheShowMustGoOn · 17/12/2009 10:47

mild pyromaniac tendencies

YANBU

TheShowMustGoOn · 17/12/2009 10:48

Why doesn't the other mutual friend invite him over?

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 10:49

TheShowMustGoOn. In a purely conversational sense (I hope).

He tends to stick to his favourite subjects of fire, ferrets and doom .

OP posts:
Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 10:50

He's off back to see his family so fair enough.

OP posts:
displayuntiltwelfthnight · 17/12/2009 10:50

"his mild pyromaniac tendencies"

does he smoke?

dinoroar · 17/12/2009 10:53

You are totally NBU if he has lots of friends, you should be allowed to have some time with your little family.

ginnny · 17/12/2009 10:54

I'll swap you - send pyromaniac friend to me and you can have my FIL and listen to his "during the war" Uncle Albert style stories all day

TheShowMustGoOn · 17/12/2009 10:54

I had visions of him setting fire to your christmas tree....

My exH had a loony friend like this. He was arrested aged 26 in John Lewis because he was caught stealing jelly beans and a pen!?

Trouble was they found japanese throwing stars (illegal here) and a bb gun in his bag too.

What a tool. I can't bear the guy - he is obsessed with the internet and how you have to be careful because everything you do is tracked by someone (god knows who cares about his life...)

So much so he has an elaborate system of three routers so his ip address can't be traced.

I used to dread being told 'oh x is in London next week so I've invited him over'

Enjoy your family christmas and don't feel remotely guilty!

ThumbleBells · 17/12/2009 10:56

I think YANBU - why screw up your Christmas for someone you barely know and only just tolerate? Perhaps you could salve your collective conscience by asking him for Boxing Day instead...

TootaLaFruit · 17/12/2009 10:56

YANBU. Your responsibility is to your dp and dd, and ensuring the three of you have a lovely first christmas together, not to this other guy.
It may seem harsh but it's not your job to look after him if you don't want to. If there are other friends around then play the baby card and ask if someone else can have him.

(plus he sounds awful)

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 17/12/2009 10:56

oh, yanbu by the way, although it sounds like he's got his own plans now anyway

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 10:57

AAAAAGHH this one has Japanese throwing stars as well!!! And a Samurai sword mounted on his living room wall .

And he spends 23 hours a day on the internet!

And he has an Avril Lavigne poster on his bedroom wall.

And he's a 26 year old virgin.

OP posts:
TheShowMustGoOn · 17/12/2009 11:05

This is freaky - this guy also has a samurai sword - but he lives in a bedsit so doesn't have a living room as such.

He is a 29 year old virgin.

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 11:07

Mine has just moved from a bedsit to a shared flat. Hmmmm.

OP posts:
TheShowMustGoOn · 17/12/2009 11:10

Freakier and freakier - I just loked at your profile to see if I know you. Tell me the story of the leg bruises - pretty much the same has happened to me!

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 17/12/2009 11:15

Gah! We got locked out after getting home from a bbq in the summer. In a fit of determination to get dd indoors I tried to climb head-first through the tiny bathroom window and got my fat arse stuck. Head pointing down, my whole body at a 45 degree angle.

Skip to 40 minutes later when the fire brigade arrive and dislodge said fat arse from window at which point I faint thanks to all the blood rushing to my head.

Oh......the......shame

OP posts:
TheShowMustGoOn · 17/12/2009 11:17

hahhahaaaaa (oh I'm sorry)

Thats a bloody brilliant story!

ThumbleBells · 17/12/2009 11:24

oh Bunny - have you still got those pics up??

I think you and TheShowMustGoOn are strange twins, separated at birth by Evil Forces, destined to meet again via MN...

TheShowMustGoOn · 17/12/2009 11:24

My bruises were as bad, but on the insides of my thighs and all up my tummy , then I also managed to (shudder) tear a very thin stretch mark on my stomach open!

Kaloki · 17/12/2009 11:28

Your DD is 14 months so this will be the first Xmas she'll really be aware of. I'd say that's a perfect excuse reason not to invite him!