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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me whether this is rude/ inconsiderate or not.

40 replies

LetThemEatCake · 16/12/2009 23:15

Scenario: mum of 3, including one newborn (less than 3 months) gets asked to host an Xmas do because she has the largest house.

It's agreed that all will bring something to lessen work for said hostess and a course is assigned to each guest/ household - including, of course, the hostess

Said hostess has certain dietary requirements - let's say she's vegetarian, for instance

The dessert-bringing guest produces something that the hostess will not be able to eat and makes a point of saying "well, you won't be able to eat it."

Should the dessert-bringing guest, in the knowledge of the hostess's dietary limitations, have ensured that her contribution was appropriate for all, or not?

OP posts:
Nevergoogle · 16/12/2009 23:17

probably, but vegetarians are very annoying

SpookyChev121 · 16/12/2009 23:18

i think so yes.... if theyre a guest in her house and are expecting her to cook then they should hold their end of the bargain and provide pudding.

ReindeerRusso · 16/12/2009 23:18

That sounds pretty rude. Would be fairly obvious to make sure everyone can eat it. Or bring something else as well, eg fruit salad.

LaurieFairyonthetreeeatscake · 16/12/2009 23:19

Not if she's the only veggie at the feast and there are loads of other people.

I'm going to a family do over Christmas, there is one vegan and everyone is bringing food - I've been asked to make a suitable vegan dessert but there will be loads of food this one person can't eat.

Is it different if its the hostess - hmm.... no in my opinion unless it's a serious allergy in which case it would be very rude.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 16/12/2009 23:19

The dessert-bringer (DB) should have bring two offerings.

Are you DB or PUH (put-upon hostess)?

Original poster
LetThemEatCake · 16/12/2009 23:20

lol - I'm the PUH and wheat-intolerant

OP posts:
kinnies · 16/12/2009 23:20

Yes they should. Rude wally. Not much you can do about it though. At least you know so can get somthing better else sorted.

Original poster
LetThemEatCake · 16/12/2009 23:22

Oh it's been and gone. The dessert was unveiled with that comment.

Never mind - am trying to lose the baby weight so better off without her stupid cheesecake

OP posts:
LaurieFairyonthetreeeatscake · 16/12/2009 23:23

is there any chance that you feel a bit resentful of hosting this?

as you know wheat intolerance wouldn't stop me serving yummy garlic bread/breadsticks etc to my guests.

Apologies if its a really serious wheat intolerance where you're dead sensitive at glimpsing bread.

Sure its not just you don't want to do it?

LaurieFairyonthetreeeatscake · 16/12/2009 23:24

x-posted

so your carrying this resentment around after

Nevergoogle · 16/12/2009 23:24

so does she expect you not to have any pudding with your christmas dinner or have you to provide your own? how bizarre.

is she of the thinking that you are wheat intolerant because you think it's fashionable and that a big chocolate cake should sort you out?

Vallhala · 16/12/2009 23:26

Yes, its very rude, both as the DB knows that there is a person with dietary requirements which need consideration and because that individual is the hostess.

I'm not too au fait with wheat intolerance but as a vegetarian I'd argue that everyone can eat veggie food but not everyone can eat meat so surely there is a logical resolution....

Original poster
LetThemEatCake · 16/12/2009 23:26

no, I've done it! was last weekend. Was no problem. Just a bit annoying that I provided food fit for everyone (two vegetarians, of which I am one included) - lots of wheat, lots of meat and got shafted on the pud

OP posts:
Original poster
LetThemEatCake · 16/12/2009 23:27

yes Laurie. I am a bad, bad person.

Are you my SiL????

OP posts:
Nevergoogle · 16/12/2009 23:28

so what did you have for dessert?

LaurieFairyonthetreeeatscake · 16/12/2009 23:28

After reading your post about what you provided the dirty cow should have made you a proper chocolate mousse

you can hire a hitman for 5k.....

JustAnotherManicMummy · 16/12/2009 23:29

I'd have got the coffee and chocolates out at the end of the meal and announced loudly that "I am very sorry DB, but obviously you can't have any... because you are a cow"

GroundHoHoHogs · 16/12/2009 23:33

YANBU. That was very rude... in your own house too.... FGS dessert can be soo many things that has no wheat in it..

I can't imagine anyone having so much front they could just turn up at the hostesses own house with a dessert she couldn't eat.

Hmm, she wouldn't be getting a futher invite to my home, that's for sure.

AmericanHag · 16/12/2009 23:40

YANBU. The hostess provides the house. Everyone else should provide the food and drinks after asking the hostess what to bring. So, you went above and beyond from the beginning.

If the "dirty cow" (thanks, Laurie!) wanted to bring a cheesecake anyway, that's fine, as long as she also brings a dessert that you could eat.

Original poster
LetThemEatCake · 16/12/2009 23:46

no choice sadly ... she's my SiL!!

So yes, there's some history there ...

I didn't have any dessert. I excused myself and went to bf baby upstairs with the explanation that he'd get distracted and not feed well with all the activity in the main room (often the case, in truth)

ROFL ManicMummy!!!

I made: a quinoa & smoked mackerel salad, a huge platter of grilled lamb chops with roast potatoes, plus platters of steamed and roasted veg, mince pies and fresh bread, Plus - get this - a mimi-tower of fairy cakes (not wheat free!!!) for the DB whose birthday was a few days after said gathering!! complete with candles LOL

OP posts:
GrumpyWhenWoken · 16/12/2009 23:51

did you actually ask her to bring something wheat free though? it's just that me and a group of my friends do the same with bringing food, and there are a couple of veggies and one who is allergic to tomato, and so someone makes the veggie dish, someone makes the meat dish and if there are tomatoes we tell that friend not to eat it.... but if I was asked to make something veggie I would.

oh and the person providing the venue doesn't provide any food....

GrumpyWhenWoken · 16/12/2009 23:53

sorry LTEC xposted with you - she was your SIL? that's a bit different then

hellisotherpeople · 16/12/2009 23:55

bad manners on her part, cheeky cow.

hope you're free of her delightful company on christmas day...

Original poster
LetThemEatCake · 17/12/2009 00:33

sadly no - got her again on Xmas day ,, at MiL's though

OP posts:
WinterWonderland · 17/12/2009 01:53

You should have spat in her starter and said "Sorry, yours appears to have been spat in. You won't be able to eat it."

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