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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed when people don't say thank you for presents?

49 replies

girlafraid · 14/12/2009 09:25

This has happened twice in the last couple of months- taken DS to a party and left present and card on present table

I would personally send at least an SMS to say thank you but on both occasions nothing which I do find rather rude, or am I being OTT in my expectations??

OP posts:
Hassled · 14/12/2009 09:28

I always force the DCs to write thank you notes but some parents just don't - I'm sure it's not deliberate rudeness, just not something they expect to do, IYSWIM. A couple of people have been really surprised by thank-you notes, as if it would never have occurred to them.

mustrunmore · 14/12/2009 09:31

Not at all, I think its very rude. It riles me every time. I think, how hard can it be to send a text? I can see how getting a small child to handwrite all their thankyous can e a fruitless and tedious job. But a text or a spoken thank you at school the next day is only to be expected. IME, its the richer kids who have loads of stuff anyway are the ones we dont get thank yous from.

I remeber last year one Mum was so pleased that ds1 had done her/her dd a thank you note; she had been to 8 kids parties that year and we were the first to say thanks for the gift

Alambil · 14/12/2009 09:32

DS doesn't do thank you notes (SEN wrt writing), but I make sure he says thank you upon receipt of gifts and again as each and every person leaves

ajandjjmum · 14/12/2009 09:34

My thinking was slighting different on children's parties. Dc always wrote to thank relatives/friends for their gifts - still do infact - but I always worked on the basis that their guests didn't send 'thank you for the party' letters, and we didn't send 'thank you for the present' letters, so it sort of evened out.

Obviously we always thanked people as they handed over their gifts.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 14/12/2009 09:36

I always remind my dcs to write a little note to say thanks for presents they've had, even if it's just me writing the note for the smaller ones and them signing their name and if we've held a party, we thank them for coming too.
Often it's the parents I don't know as well who don't thank but IMO it's even more imnportant to thank parents you don't know that well because despite not knowing you, they've taken the time and money to buy your child a gift. Think some parents just expect presents for their little ones so don't see a need to make an effort to thank.
YANBU at all.

Original poster
girlafraid · 14/12/2009 09:38

Thank you notes would be lovely but I really just want some acknowledgement from the adults as both in these cases are also my friends

They don't need to get down on their knees and thank me obviously but it would be nice to hear a "oh DS really liked the car you gave him" so I know it didn't fall under the table and get lost....

It does quite piss me off tbh

OP posts:
displayuntiltwelfthnight · 14/12/2009 09:46

I know what you mean. It wouldn't take much for someone to say to you Thanks for the present you got X, he loves it.
And when party invitations are accompanied by mobile phone numbers and you're asked to text a reply to the invitation, it wouldn't take much for the host to then text back a thanks after the event or just mention it in the playground.

Mishy1234 · 14/12/2009 11:38

YANBU at all, it's basic good manners to write thank you notes for presents.

If they aren't prepared to make their children send notes, then they should put a 'no presents' instruction on the invitations.

I recently went to a party where people were asked to give a donation to the sick kids hospital as they left, which I thought was an excellent idea.

VinegarTinselTits · 14/12/2009 11:40

yanbu, its not big and its not clever

Brunettelady · 14/12/2009 11:45

I hate not getting thank yous. My sister hasn't said thank you to me in 12 years of me giving her presents. I'm getting really fed up of it now. I always make sure I say thank you on behalf of DS.

LouMacca · 14/12/2009 12:06

This is one of my hates, its so rude.

One of DS's friends at school wrote thank you cards after his party which also included a mention of the present you had bought (he was 6). I thought this was so lovely. A couple of days later the boys mum apologised to me for her sons writing, I told her it was an absoltuely lovely thing to do and that just to get a thank you is nice these days!

My children always write thank you letters for their presents but even a text to say thank you would be nice.

AmIreallysayingthis · 14/12/2009 12:21

ajandjjmum "I always worked on the basis that their guests didn't send 'thank you for the party' letters, and we didn't send 'thank you for the present' letters, so it sort of evened out."

But you threw the party for your child! His/her friends and their parents came to the party to show support and friendship and give your child a nice birthday, no? The onus is hardly on them to thank you in writing, a simple "Thank you for having me" when leaving is plenty surely?

It is extremely bad manners (on the part of the parents) not to write thank-you notes for any sort of gift given to your child. And it's important your child sees you doing this when they are younger and understands why they need to so it themselves when they are older.

Slightly off topic, we went to a wedding on 1st August this year, travelled 200 miles to the venue (me 12 wks pregnant and rather shaky), took a very generous "paper gift" and still haven't heard a peep out of the couple. They are very young (22yrs old) and I am wondering if it's a generation thing. Maybe they take ajandjjmum's view!

MadameDefarge · 14/12/2009 12:39

To be honest, I couldn't care less. You left the present on a table, perhaps if you had handed to the child or the parent, they would have said thank you, but in all the fuss of a party is got overlooked.

Saying thank you is important, how you say it is not.

lovechoc · 14/12/2009 12:45

I think if you say 'thank you' when you see the person, before they open the present, that's ok. Saying it once is surely enough?

We hand presents in to our nephews for Christmas and don't expect a phone call to say thanks because they say thanks at the time we swap presents.

lovechoc · 14/12/2009 12:47

and no we don't do 'thank you letters' and I can't understand what's so odd about not doing them. If you say thank you over the phone, email or in person that more or less sums up that you are grateful.

Thank you letters are just a waste of paper.

Original poster
girlafraid · 14/12/2009 12:51

Hmm. at both these parties there has been a table set aside for gifts so noone has even seen us hand over the prezzie, so no thank you at all

OP posts:
mistletoekisses · 14/12/2009 12:53

YANBU.

Thank you notes are simply good manners. I currently write ones for DS (2.3), and will ensure he writes them himself when he is old enough to.

MadameDefarge · 14/12/2009 13:15

Well, I know people who believe one should always send a note saying thank for you after a party or dinner party. I don't do it...I've usually brought wine and flowers, and possibly a present. They might just get an email if I remember.

Does that mean I have bad manners? Or do I just place the emphasis elsewhere?

pigletmania · 14/12/2009 13:34

YANBU it is basic manners imo which a lot of people lack today. I was always made to write a thank you or phone the person as a child, why should it be any different now.

PotPourri · 14/12/2009 13:36

YANBU. I hate this. It bothers me less when it's a whole class or something - but it is still rude. But what makes me really mad is when family or close friends just take the present and don't say thanks. That is soooooo rude

pigletmania · 14/12/2009 13:37

The parents should make an effort imo, i would certainly get dd to say thank you to each person on receipt of the gift and i myself of course and thank you to the parents later on once the gift has been opened. Its a matter of respect really

sowhatis · 14/12/2009 13:39

my boys had a party saturday, and everyone is getting a thank you. friends, their school friends and family. gone out in the post today and will hand deliver the others after school. i think its rude not to say thank you by sending a little note.

hattyyellow · 14/12/2009 13:39

YANBU. It's one of my biggest pet hates. We've been to 4 birthday parties over the last 6 weeks, all children in DDs class. Only one thank you letter for gifts. It drives me mad! Yes it's a pain writing a thank you but think of all the time we all waste doing other things like MNing/watching tv/etc - it takes less than half an hour to write a quick note of thanks.

When I become Prime Minister I will make it compulsory! Plus thank yous for new baby presents and wedding presents. Even if it's a few months later!

pigletmania · 14/12/2009 13:45

What sort of people who do that Potpourri i am i would be so ashamed.

yangymac · 14/12/2009 14:50

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