to be annoyed when people don't say thank you for presents?

[girlafraid]

This has happened twice in the last couple of months- taken DS to a party and left present and card on present table

I would personally send at least an SMS to say thank you but on both occasions nothing which I do find rather rude, or am I being OTT in my expectations??

surely saying thank you in person is better than any note though? It's more personal to thank the person when you see them. A note can get lost in the post, but being there to say thanks guarantees a response.

I say thanks and then open the present later, does that mean that I'm not as grateful because I didn't know what the present was before saying thanks? Other relatives do this aswell, we're all so ignorant!

Surely just being grateful for receiving a present and stating a 'thank you' is better than just grabbing it and not saying anything at all. Basic manners is all that is needed.

BIL and his gang just say thanks when we swap presents for birthdays, they never phone to say thank you once it's opened and we never do the same either.

This is a real MN thing. There are obviously very different rules around the place, whether they are geographic or what I don't know.

But fact is I have never sent a thank-you note, have never received one, it's not something that we do round here.

Thanks are in person, phone call etc. And I don't think people really keep tabs eg at a christening whether they have been thanked or not. Usually when saying goodbye it's thanks for coming and thanks for present. Really no-one gets worked up about it.

I was taught to always phone and say thank you after a party though, which one of my friends said she thought was odd and noticed that I always did it but no-one else did and she always wondered why I did it. But that it was nice

Long and short of it is that people can't be rude by doing something that they are not aware they are expected to do.

Not saying thank you at all at any point by any method, that would be rude (but still not disasterous IMO if they were generally nice).

ImSoNotTelling I agree, it must be a geographical thing. It has to be because no one around here does 'thank you notes'. And I mean no one! The only time we've received thank you letters is after we've been at a friend's wedding and they say thanks for the gift. That's it. We also sent out thank you letters after we got married for all the lovely gifts people had given us.

As for regular events like birthday and Christmases, no one here does give thank you notes. But they do say thanks in person which IMHO is a lot more personal than any letter. I get to see body language and engage in conversation, same can't be said with a letter or note of thanks.

Oh I love MN so much

I put thank you notes in the party bags - a little card saying thank you means no confusion later on. I just name the bags and make sure they go to the right person.

It's rude to not thank, IMO>

Yes agree weddings are the only time round here as well.

Even aunties at xmas who lived a way away it was a phone call not a letter/note.

I didn't realise it was a british thing to not open the presents - I think we've always saved them for later so that we can write down who gave what..... in order to write the thank you note!!

it annoys me too Girlafraid when we don't get thank you notes, but I've got used to it now.

I like it when people open presents there and then so that i can see their face, see if they have a big smile etc. Then they say thank you and everyone is happy!

OK so if I let my ds open all his presents at his party on Saturday and he said thank you there and then, would all the people who said they get annoyed at not getting a thank you note (which included me!), be OK with that?

oh god dont start thank you notes

imo if you say thankyou at the time no need for a note

A "thank you" is essential imo.

Adults that don't say thanks won't get another present from us the following year. It may sound petty but I just find it so rude!

I've been brought up with thank you notes you see and it would feel strange to do it differently, but I could change if I knew it wouldn't offend people

Absolutely fascinating. You live and learn. I had no idea that there were places/groups where it was completely fine not to send a thank you letter. That explains my BIL then...he's not rude, just has different mores.

Amongst my family - and that of my DH - it would be the height of bad manners to fail to write a thank you letter after receiving a gift, regardless of whether or not you were with the person at the time. It is important afterwards to sit down and write a letter (hand-written is the only acceptable format) thanking the person for the gift and making some comment about why you appreciate it.

From the moment dot my kids have been taught to do the same thing - when they were tiny we obviously wrote them, and once they could write they started by signing their names. Now my 7 year old writes a 'shell letter' saying 'Dear....thank you for the lovely.... I really like it because....' which I photocopy and he then writes in each person's name, the gift and why he likes it. Usually no more than 'it's cool' but I know that relatives really appreciate it. My 11 and 14 year olds will sit down after a birthday or Christmas and write all their letters over a period of a few days without much chasing at all. So even after a party where they have received 25 gifts they will sit and write 25 letters. Well, mnore like 40 by the time they have done relations, godparents etc. I know no other way - I couldnt not do it, I would feel awful.

I really appreciate receiving these letters in turn, though confess I never notice whether I get them after we've given gifts for the many birthday parties the dcs go to - there are just too many. But where it's a personal friend or relation I would be a bit if I didnt eventually receive a letter.

And I always send a card saying thank you after lunch, dinner or a party.

Yes, I am personally keeping the Royal Mail in business !

WorkingitoutasIgo I always send a note or text after a party or dinner too, and always appreciate it when I get one (which isn't often)

It is odd isn't it.

We need to draw a map and cross-reference with socio-economic group, nationality of parents and grandparents, ethnicity, year of birth, hair colour and size of television.

Yes, and then when I didnt get a thank you letter from someone who lived in the 'no thank you letter zone' I wouldnt be offended! But I'd still be pleased if I did, in fact they'd get double brownie points .