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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in that I would like to finish work 30 mins earlier once my dd goes to secondary school so that she isn't on her own for long after school

38 replies

cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 19:44

I was having an informal chat with my boss about hours etc and said that I would quite like to finish at 1600 in the future instead of 1630 so that my dd is not on her own after school for more than 30mins.........he basically poo pooed the idea and said that when he was younger at age 5 he was walking home on his own and letting himself in the house !!!
He is 50+ and has no children, when I was younger I did walk home from primary school on my own but I had 3 brothers and sisters with me so was totally different. I would be able to start work earlier once she is at secondary school so he wouldn't lose out on the amount of work I would be doing.
I did say which would he rather that I finish at 1600 and be happy in my work or at 1630 and stressing when she doesn't call on time to tell me that she has got home ok.
Am I being unreasonable to want this or an over-protective mum. I haven't got any relatives in the area I can rely on so this is the only way I can see that I would not worry.
Is there a law that stipulates what age a child can be left on their own and for how long ?

OP posts:
MayorNaze · 13/12/2009 19:48

i think at secondary school age your dd would be ok tbh but only you know her and how you think she would cope

QuintessentialShadows · 13/12/2009 19:49

Personally I think you are a bit overprotective.

I had a key to our house when I was a kid, and locked myself in from age 10 onwards, and waited for 2 hours for my mum to come home from work.

My son is 7, and has on occasion let himself in after school (he walks home) if I have a late meeting.

Brunettelady · 13/12/2009 19:50

Hmmmm I think you maybe slightly U. Your boss is suppose to consider any reasonable request, which your request isn't U. But I think someone of your daughters age is more that capable of being left alone for half an hour. I don't think (so I have been told by family) that there is an official age of which you can leave them. It is when you judge they are responsible enough.

I think you are being over protective.

sarah293 · 13/12/2009 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

purplepeony · 13/12/2009 19:51

There is no law as such but it is often asssumed that children under 14 should not be left for a long time.It's not illegal to leave a child at home alone, but you could be charged with neglect etc if she had an accident.

How old is she now? what do you do now? Is she not home alone anyway?

Have you not got any friends or neighbours she could stay with- or pop in to see if she's okay?

Personallyly I think an 11 yr old should be able to stay at home safely for 30 minutes to an hour, but all children are different.

I can see both sides- if you contract is for a certain number of hours, how can you make that time up?

Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 19:51

I think it also goes back to the fact that I had to return to work when she was 12 weeks old, and was denied the request to return part-time. I work in a different place now so wanted to do this for her even if it was only for a year

OP posts:
purplepeony · 13/12/2009 19:53

But if you are working now and she finishes school earlier at her primary school (?) then what happens now?

You can't expect your current boss to "pay the price" for your previous lack of choice.

littleducks · 13/12/2009 19:54

You do realise that she will be joining clubs and staying later after school, have stuff to do in the library etc. or will want to kiss her boyf at the busstop study with friends on group projects etc. so that you may find the 30 mins disapear quickly?

Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 19:58

At the moment she goes to an after school club but I have been told that there are no such facilities for secondary school age children. I have no family in the area and my neighbours are pensioners so cant really expect them to help out.
I would be able to start earlier once she is at secondary school so therefore still be working the same amount of hours. I already have only half an hour lunch so that I can start half an hour later.
I just wanted to be able to do it for maybe six months to a year not forever and there are already other people in the office who do flexible hours so I would be more than willing to fit in.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 19:59

LOL to littleducks thanks for putting a little humour in

OP posts:
purplepeony · 13/12/2009 20:02

Surely it all depends on what your boss wants and the work you do- if you man the phones for instance, people might well still call after 4pm but not necessarily at 8 or 8.30am.

You need to ask again and if he says no, look for another job. You can't expect him to say yes if it makes a difference he doesn't want.

I agree that there is bound to be 1 night a week when your DD might do after-school stuff.

I also think she is old enough- this seems more about your guilt/regrets than what is best for her and how she will cope.

Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 20:05

our hours of work are 0800-1630 and at present i do 0830-1630 with half an hour lunch, i was hoping to do 0800-1600 with half an hour therefore he wouldnt really be losing out, there are already two girls who don't start til 0900 or 0930. There would be plenty of people left to man the phones for 30 mins

OP posts:
Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 20:06

I have my appraisal on monday with him, if he decides to say no as is his right then I was going to request that I do home working, which would mean a pay drop.

OP posts:
Lotkinsgonecurly · 13/12/2009 20:08

Think is really good idea. I used to come home to an empty house and Mum wasn't back until 5.00 and I hated it. Think peace of mind for both you and her is a really good idea. You can review it every 6 months or so with her and your boss and see how it is going.

Hope all goes well.

purplepeony · 13/12/2009 20:09

Do you really want to home-work, or is it a threat?

Be careful as he might agree!

Coming back to the real issue- is your DD trustworthy and mature? can she be left alone for an hour? You need to build on that idea and discuss how to be safe at home alone.

Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 20:12

thanks lotkinsgonecurly )

OP posts:
Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 20:14

i do quite like the idea of home working but it wouldnt be on the account that i book travel for now. The only thing that has put me off in the past has been that you have to take a pay drop even though obviously your gas and electric would probably increase

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 13/12/2009 20:16

yanbu t want it and ask for it but he's completely reasonable to turn down the request.
yabu to go down the route of saying things like "I did say which would he rather that I finish at 1600 and be happy in my work or at 1630 and stressing when she doesn't call on time to tell me that she has got home ok.
" when presumably he'd rather you just got on with your work.

Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 20:16

I'm not sure if its her being on her own that i mind or the walk home from the bus stop. It involves quite a few busy roads and passes a park that is well known for flashers

OP posts:
purplepeony · 13/12/2009 20:18

so if you finsh early would you pick her up from school?

purplepeony · 13/12/2009 20:19

can she walk from the bus stop with anyone else?

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 13/12/2009 20:20

Sorry, I do think YABU.

you say that the office hours are 0800-16:30, and you already work half an hour less than this, asking for another 30 mins off that is a bit much tbh.

How about just doing it a couple of days a week instead? Is there any way you can go in a bit earlier a couple of days a week?

There will also be at least 1 day a week when she's doing an after school thing, or going to a friends house.

Is she an old 11, or are you worried that she won't like/won't cope with being at home on her own? I certainly would have liked it at that age!

Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 20:20

no I wouldn't be able to as I don't drive but I should be able to meet her at the bus stop as by the time she travels from the school I would have finished

OP posts:
QandA · 13/12/2009 20:22

YANBU to want to be there for your DD if you can be.

It was worth asking IMO. Seems fair if you are cutting half an hour off your lunch ( I think you meant you have 1 hour lunch currently?) and it is feasible. Hopefully your boss will agree.

Original poster
cheltenhamgal · 13/12/2009 20:22

thanks for all your comments it certainly gives me food for thought, gotta go now

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