AIBU to think ds Christmas list is asking for too much ?

[billynomatesmum]

Background is this

Ds is almost 7. Last year top of his Father Christmas list was a nintendo ds which he got as his main present. Just lately his younger sibling who is 4 has been wanting to play on it too so they have had to take turns. (This currently nicely limits the time they each have and encourages sharing).

Top of Ds's Christmas list this year is an Xbox 360 then he wants a particular game for it but then he added "a red nintendo ds" to his list as the next item and is telling his younger sibling that "after Christmas you can have my old nintendo ds because I'm getting a new one".

Now I'm absolutely against two major electronic games console purchases at the same time like this but Dh seems to have no opinion one way or the other so I've brought it to the court of MN for opinions.

Funding the Christmas list is not a problem but it seems "greedy", for want of a better word, to me and I want to try and explain to ds why that letter will not be floating up the chimney in post combustion particles until it has been cut back by one games console.

Some of his classmates are getting TV's for their bedroom plus asking for mobile phones and there will no doubt be comparisons of who got what, in the playground in January.
Other stuff on his list is fairly small and doesn't cost much. He has also enquired politely after Father Christmas's health and added a PS "please don't forget the poor pepole (sic)"

What do you think, am I being unreasonable ?

I have found out from various research sessions this afternoon (we're really not up on all this gadgetry ourselves) that a Wii would be more suitable at ds's age and my plan now would be that FC addressed it to all of us to see off any possessiveness about it and tackle the issue of it being a lot of money to spend on one child alone. Dh does now apparently think I am being somewhat controlling to be proposing to totally ignore the Xbox request and do what I think is best/more appropriate but I am a bit about his new found opinion as I know he'd get quite a bit of use out of an Xbox himself based on me having known him a looooong time.

I have also been researching on ebay and will probably just convert ds's existing nintendo to a red one with a new coloured shell or failing that, stick on covers. FC will sort of "misunderstand" the request for a red ds .

In ds's defence I do limit screen time, be it nintendo/computer/TV but he does need a bit of support/help to fit in with his peers at school (see posting history under this name if you like) although I will certainly be sticking to my guns over no TV/games console in bedroom and no mobile 'phone (He's 7 , who is he going to call anyway).

Thankyou to those concerned about sidelining consoles/gadgets in favour of getting him to read more or play other stuff etc but he's been a free reader since year 1 and is on the G&T register for maths + literacy so the nintendo ds and TV preference for crappy cartoons hasn't harmed his academic progress so far and they sure have helped him fit in better with his classmates.

We have a small ££££ limit on family gifts so Grandparents/Aunties & Uncles, of whom there are very few, etc will only be sending/giving small presents. (I know of instances where grandparents have bought nintendo's on top of Father Christmas bringing a Wii or Xbox or whatever but my parents are happy to stick to a £20 upper limit).

When the children are older and know all about Father Christmas we can be more frank about funding and intend to follow my parents model of funding the more expensive type of optional school trips or putting money towards something they are lusting after (up to a set limit) rather than funding a wish list of consumer goodies each year.

Op - that sounds sensible.

With ref to an earlier post, how on earth do young children even KNOW about games like Call Of Duty?

Younger kids find out about older games from older brothers/cousins/uncles, we have a ps3 which is dps, my dds dont play on it because we have no games for it that interest them, but they know all about the games from seeing their dad and uncle play.

OP - that sounds like a very good solution. I am wary of giving my DS1 (aged 6) a games console where he will be on his own playing. I bought a family Wii which has been great. DS regularly beats me at tennis and we have one mad driving game that has resulted in a burnt dinner before now
We are quite strict about how much we spend (not because of tight funds) but simply because it creates a focus on the material and a level of expectation that concerns me.
Do you think your DH's letter to FC will ask for an X box

.

I personally wouldn't buy either. I think that a 7 year old is too young for either. If you disagree, perhaps buy just one of the items, I think two would be excessive.

I don't think it is problem that your ds has asked for both, it is a wish list after all. I can remember when I was little I would copy out the entire contents of the Argos cataglogue onto my list and I always asked for a holiday to Disney World, never got it though!

I would not buy a 4 year old a DS. But then I wouldn't make DS1 share his from last year with his younger brother as it was his gift and not all things should be shared, IMO.

I would not buy an XBOX360 for a 7 year old. I love gaming, but think that at this age, consoles should be a family purchase and not a gift for a specfic person.

I would buy the 360, if others will play it as a gift for everyone and get a game for your DS1's gift.

I also disapprove of lists for gifts.

OP I think you have come up with a good solution. We have every games console (dh's fault) and the Wii is the only one the dcs really play with.

My Ds1 (8) was going to ask for an iPod touch this year (I think because he has heard another boy in his class has one). I'm not sure he even knew what it really was! He was easily persuaded to change his mind and ask for a new Wii game, an annual and a surprise!

We generally have been lucky that all our dcs are pretty modest in their requests to Santa. Whenever we have got them something big like a games console it has been a present for dh the whole family

a wii sounds like a great solution. My ds1 had to wait until he was almost 13 for an xbox 360 as I wasn't happy with the range of games for younger children. He is still limited to what I agree he can have as software.

7 is just about old enough for a ds imo, but I would suggest that a 4 year old continue to borrow it or play on the wii - playmobil, lego, etc should be lovely for a 4 year old.

I would say the Xbox is more suitable for older kids (and grown men ). If you look at the range of games available for the DS/Wii compared to the XBox you will see what I mean. Plenty of time when he is a teenager. I think you have been wise to reconsider this request.

wow, lots of people have wish lists it seems.

I grew up with doing a specific list but only having a limited number of items on it whereas it seems that loads of you did wish lists that FC could pick and choose from.

To be honest my parents had very little money and my Christmas list as a teenager (no I didn't still believe in FC then ) often contained items that other girls just got bought because they needed them, eg a tracksuit to wear for PE in winter so that our legs weren't frozen and blue doing cross country runs in a short PE skirt.

Letter to santa is a wish list. You can put anything on it but you can't expect to get everything you wish for.

Agree with others that 7 is a bit young for an XBox and my jaw is still on the floor from the comment about his class mates getting mobile phones.....at 7

DDs are told they can make their lists as long as they like but Santa(or now they are older, us) will only buy 6 things off it only 2 of which would count as big ie rollerskates,perfume set,DS game.
I think children under 10 should have things like Wii, Xbox as a family pressie,that way no-one can flounce off with said item when in a grump

Yep, I will be intrigued to see how many parents actually bought mobile 'phones for year 2 kids this Christmas. One parent said "well I thought x could have my old one because I'm getting a new one" missing the point that it's not the expense rather the principle of giving a 6/7 year old a mobile 'phone that I'd be questioning.

At the moment I'm of the opinion that TV/Computer/Games Console in bedroom will not happen until the children have their own homes and can then do as they wish.

I actually can't see me spending much time playing a Wii, I've got plenty of books I'd love to get round to reading if I had enough free time. If only FC delivered wishes to adults I'd love "some free time" to fritter away.

i would buy ds2 the ds, as not fair that he should have the cast offs from ds1. then up to you if you want to by the 360 for ds1.

Well mine is in yr2 and a very very small minority of his peers have anything like a ds or an x box. afaik.

There is some boasting among those whose older siblings have such.

We can't afford either. Don't even know what you do with them anyway!

It's all lego and playmobil here this year, thankfully. However.

OP, I think your feeling is right. Why do they need both types of games thing? Surely once there is an x box the ds will become slightly boring/defunct anyway?

You could get the x box if you really think a 6/7yo needs one, and give the ds to his brother, but tbh I would be tempted to get the extra ds and so they each have one of those - otherwise before you know it you have to buy another x box.

That's just me though.

I think your 'family' Wii is an excellent solution

I can understand why your DS would rather not have to share his DS.

We didn't get DSs for our children before they were 7/8 because (at that time at least) most of the games involved reading, and they weren't proficient enough to play most games independently. I have a very small age gap so I think ds got his for his birthday, and then dd for the Christmas after that. Having two is fun though as there are lots of games that you can play together (via DS download) so it gives games a new lease of life. But we got the DSs mostly because we put the kids through a lot of very long journeys, and it made life tolerable all round.

We have a family Wii (given to dh in fact) and recently bought an XBox360 as a reward for ds doing a lot of work (school type stuff) over the summer holidays. In practice it's not been a very good buy though, because there are very few games that he likes or are appropriate. It's really a fairly hard core gamers machine (most players being in the twenties and older), whereas the Wii is for a family market (and is much disdained by the hard core).

The Wii is fun to play, and on the whole computer/electronic games are not mindless. It's a lot more interactive than vegging in front of the TV, and there are plenty of puzzle/adventure games which stretch the mind quite nicely (like my current favourite, World of Goo).

If you have an introverted child they are going to particularly enjoy solitary activities, and not necessarily have good social skills. Being a bookworm has very similar drawbacks, but never gets the same amount of negative press (I was one as a child and don't think it was good for me at all). I do think that some children need support with friendships and socilising, and that too much time on your own is a bad thing, but gaming is not a terribly bad thing. Most children do lots of things in their spare time.

Also if you are a geek having geeky friends is a good thing! My ds wants to be a computer games designer, and we'd be very happy if he succeeded in that ambition. It's interesting work and pays very well if you are good at it. But then my dh is a geek, and I work in an IT department full of very nice guys, so I don't see it as a negative thing, in fact I really think it is sad how children like my ds have grief ahead of them just for being themselves.

I ask my DS to write a list to Santa saying what he'd like, but if there is anything on the list I wouldn't want him to have I just tell him that that isn't suitable, or that its too expensive. I've told him that santa only has a limited amount of money - and also that we pay a 'santa tax'.

I would not buy a DS for a 4 yo child, and agree that a family wii is more suitable than an xbox for your family. We bought DS a PSP for Christmas last year (he was 7) and then bought a family wii during the year, but prior to that I generally discouraged computer games apart from the odd game on cbeebies/miniclip.

Ds will often tell me what other children in his class have - Xboxes and playstations, and mobile phones, but he knows that just because other children have these things doesn't mean he's going to get them.

I think it does help if you and your partner are in agreement on this kind of thing though.

My DC don't ask Father Christmas for big stuff because he doesn't bring it. They can ask us of course, although DS (8) prefers to have a surprise.

This year DS has asked for a lego star wars figure and DD (5) for a Hello Kitty toy

we got told that santa brought coal if we were too greedy or asked for too much

just get him some coal

you can paint it red though
so he knows its his

We don't do lists. Each child verbally asks Santa for one or two things. If they are things that we don't want them to have (for whatever reason), we guide them towards suitable things - I'll quite happily say that I don't want them to have that because it's too old for them/rubbish/they'll bore of it/too much for a present. We come up with something MORE desirable usually. Sometimes they mention other things too, and we advise them that they won't be getting that, but sometimes Santa has other ideas.

DD1, 7 is getting a new DS game, dd2, 4, is getting a scooter, and dd3, 3, is getting a duplo princess palace. And then I get carried away with other bits I know they'll love!