to not want SIL to spend all afternoon on facebook when she's supposed to be looking after my babies??

[jerin]

I dont get time...... so what isnt she doing that allows her to?? Eldest of 3 is just 2.

Presumably everyone who thinks the OP is being unreasonable is confident that the 3 children are safe and not climbing on windowsills, rolling off sofas or strapped into chairs in front of the telly for long periods of time so her SIL can do this.

OP is lucky to have a SIL willing to babysit. We don't have any family willing to do so so consequently we don't go out. I wouldn't trust a stranger for this very reason.

If you're being paid to look after someone elses children then that's what you should be doing.

Then again maybe I have unreasonable expectations!

The answer is if you don't like the way your someone looks after your children, don't ask them again!

Facebook and poker are totally different.

It is possible to drift in and out of looking at facebook and still look after the kids - though if you're technically at work, which she is if you're paying her to look after the dcs- she shouldn't be on the net really.

When DH plays online poker you could drive the coca cola holidays are coming truck through the living room and he wouldn't notice. He definitely can't look after the dds while he does it. Unless you count:

Dd1 'Daddy I need a wee'

DH 'Yes after this hand'

as lookig after..

If you drip feed information (FB then poker, babysit then actually full time minding) don't be surprised if you don't get the answers you want.

YABVU not to be using a registered, insured, childminder. If you were paying a professional you would have cause to complain. Doing things on the cheap, particularly with family and friends, leaves you vulnerable to these situations.

oh for goodness sake, yanbu

lots of people make family arrangements, hodge and bodge, but there's reasonable and unreasonable

she's being lazy

Well fine, SIL is being lazy, the OP doesn't like it, time to find a proper CM or nursery then.

I don't get this at all. You say you only know what she's been doing because you are also on Facebook - fair enough - but then you say you are sure she's been playing online poker before your children go to bed? How do you know that? Have you been looking at her web history then?

Because as others say it's quite possible to dip in and out of Facebook. Once you've read the news feed and updated your status, there's not really that much to do...

If you pay her then YANBU, it would be like the nursery/child-minder sitting on the computer, and I suspect that would be very unreasonable.

If she is accepting money, then she should be devoting the paid time to your DC's and not just living her life as normal whilst having your children around.

Yes, sure, just deal with it and don't moan on here. Tell her you don't want her looking after your children because she doesn't do it properly. Test how much she needs the money and find someone else.

She shouldn't be paying a family member to look after her child on a regular basis.

why not georgi?

Because it's illegal, she isn't insured and there is no legal remedy for her if something goes wrong? And people should pay tax and NI on their earnings not work cash in hand? Just a few reasons.

You don't even know if she's eligible for tax, maybe she's looked into it and is not, maybe the OP made a decision not to worry about legal remedy and insurance.

agree with all that but the OP hasn't really given enough info to say that isn't definitely the case anyway..

So no room to make judgments.

There was a 2hr limit on the daily hours you could look after a child for payment when I did it (I wanted to find out if it suited me and my family). This was 6/7 years ago and I spoke to the social services about it.

Anything above that at the time, and it was deemed necessary to register as a child minder.

But the OP was NOT about the legal specifics, just whether or not it was reasonable for her SIL to be on the computer whilst the OP's children were in her paid care.

Which I still think IU

Jerin I don't know why you're getting such a flaming! Of course YANBU!

Well the OP says it happens "every day near enough" and that her SIL has them "all afternoon" so I think it is possible to say that the amount of case exceeds the permitted limit and that therefore it is illegal. If she doesn't care about that fine, but in that case she doesn't have much come back to do anything about it.

It's not illegal to pay a family member. How do you know the OP is paying cash in hand?

"Yes, sure, just deal with it and don't moan on here"

Of course, if your SIL is on the Internet all the time, maybe she's on MN too....

ha ha rusty patience is not my strongest virtue

Do you really think it likely that the OP has registered for PAYE and NI as an employer? Don't be pedantic.

But if the SIL was self employed, it wouldn't be the OP's responsibility to register for those things, it would be the SIL's surely?

I don't believe for one moment that the SIL is filling out a tax return each year and declaring this income.

She might not have to anyway. It might be under her allowance.