Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

if you say you will lend you actually will when i need it......

34 replies

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 15:32

Ok am 34 weeks pregnant on Monday and have been promised a few items by my sister to 'borrow', infact when I have actually bought anything myself I have been faced with nasty comments and an attitude such as 'I would have lent you that!'. This is my 1st baby and we are very grateful for her kind offers but its starting to annoy me now...

Early in the pregnancy she offered to lend me legs/base for the moses basket and a hypnobirthing cd to prepare me for the birth. I have been asking for these items for a good month now and keep getting excuses, the biggest one being when your 2 weeks before he is due I will give to you then.... But I dont want to wait, I am trying to make asure we have eveything ready and want to start preparing myself for the labour. I spoke with her last night and when I said i had free a sensor thing for babies bed she went mental at me telling me I didnt need one of those etc etc. I had to calmly tell her this is my baby and I will get what I feel I need.

I have now suggested that if she can not lend the items to me shortly to let me know as I will buy them. AIBU or not??

Thanks!! I know I will get honest replies so thought id ask.

OP posts:

nowwearefour · 12/12/2009 15:39

i think yanbu. there are only so many times you can ask before you find another source for the things you need. just be polite and say you really appreciate her offers, would love x and y things butyou are getting a bit nervous now and if you havent got it by x dae you plan to go shopping/ ask on freecycle or whatever....

MrsMattie · 12/12/2009 15:41

Your sister sounds mental

Original poster

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 15:42

lmao my sister is mental! no doubt about that! lol. She is my little sis with a 1 year old daughter and is VERY VERY temperemental.

OP posts:

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 15:43

YANBU!!!! I can't stand it when people leave things until the last minute. There is nothing wrong with being prepared. Also as it is your first baby, (I found) that I wanted to buy the things for myself anyway. I had a friend who always said "oh you can have this and that when you get pregnant", even after I told her that I couldn't wait to go out and choose things for my baby (especially after we were told we probably couldn't have children). Luckily we are not friends now anyway so I didn't have to put up with her constantly trying to give me her stuff that she couldn't be bothered to get rid of. I know it sounds like I'm being ungrateful but believe me, that wasn't the case at all.

If your sister isn't prepared to give it to you when you ask, then you are well within you rights to go and buy it. If she doesn't like it then she should give it to you sooner, and tell her that!

GetDownYouWillFall · 12/12/2009 15:43

what is the problem with her actually giving you the stuff? Does she live a long way away?
Sounds like she is the one being unreasonable

traceybath · 12/12/2009 15:44

Just go and buy stuff yourself.

Sounds as though there are going to be far too many strings attached.

If necessary lie and say they were gifts from work or DH's family.

neenz · 12/12/2009 15:45

YANBU, she should know that when you are seven mths PG you want to get everything ready.

Ask her for the stuff again and if she says not till 2 weeks before the birth say no worries I'll just buy the stuff myself.

Original poster

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 15:45

she wont give anything away its always lend only, she said if we were having a girl we could 'borrow' clothes...... well borrowing is not practical for clothes every time the baby is sick we would worry about damaging things iykwim. She lives 10 mins drive away but is very controlling in what happens within the family.

I just want to get organised now 6 weeks is not long at all in the scheme of things i dont think

OP posts:

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 12/12/2009 15:47

yanbu - how can you get organised if you don't know for sure if the items will be passed on to you by your sister!
You're hardly in the early stages of pregnancy so I can't understand why she's withholding things until later on when at your stage, understandably, you want to know you've got everything in place.
at 34 weeks you have other things to be thinking of, like hospital bag things, the practicalities of who will get you to hospital etc, not faffing about while your sister mulls over whether or not it's too early to lend you essential items for the baby!

FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 12/12/2009 15:47

She wants to wait until you're 38 weeks before giving you anything? the baby could well be here by then and you'd have to deal with it then.

Can you offer to go round and pick up the things she's going to lend to you? Maybe go this week, say you're going shopping for the rest next weekend and you need to know what you need to get.

Original poster

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 15:48

thats what I have done tactfully mentioned i forgot to say while on the phone about the bits, if she cant till 2 weeks before he is due let me know so I can buy them or get from elsewhere.

Please dont get me wrong I am encredibly grateful for all the help we have received from people, even if I have no idea how to spell right now!

OP posts:

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 15:49

She sounds like a right pain. I wouldn't want to 'borrow' her precious stuff. Just get your own. I've given stuff away to family and friends and I am quite happy to do this.

Original poster

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 15:50

lol fakeplastic I have offered to collect and guess what the excuse is.....

I lent it to SIL who is not using any more we just keep forgetting to collect it, as for the CD well thats sitting on her shelf each time I visit i casually mention it, she says when your 2 weeks of you can borrow it lol. Daft thing is I am on maternity leave and could collect from SIL who lives about 5 mins from here but oh no she has to collect it lol.

OP posts:

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 12/12/2009 15:51

I wouldn't worry about the "lending" of things - if she has a child, she will know that clothes sometimes get damaged (no-one told me with my first that banana stains clothes with black marks!) so if she's that precious about outfits, she should keep hold of them herself and if she passes anything to you, don't feel pressure to never wear it for fear of soiling it or you might as well not borrow it at all!

Original poster

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 15:54

banana stains clothes!? clearly i have lots to learn!

She did 'lend' clothes to brothers baby and complained they did not get them all back, there had been a nmixup over baby grows lol.

OP posts:

FakePlasticChristmasTrees · 12/12/2009 15:56

Re the CD, that make no sence, it's not like she's using it now...

I'd be tempted to forget it - if you can afford to just go buy everything and tell her you've already got everything you need so sorry, no need for her stuff to be borrowed. If she's controlling, then if you do ever get this stuff, then it's bound to come with a long list of conditions.

If she gets an arse on explain you asked her several times, so just thought she was stalling because she didn't really want to give you her stuff.

FiveSoloRings · 12/12/2009 15:56

Your sister sounds like a control freak. YANBU.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 12/12/2009 15:57

yep, if you get banana on baby's clothes, then just put in washing machine thinking it will clean them, they will come out with black marks on them bit like mildew marks!

someone on MN may have a tip for avoiding this, but many an item of clothing with ds1 was ruined by my ignorance of the mean banana stain trick!
If I have passed anything useful onto a first time mum, I am pleased to have helped!

Plutothatpresentdown · 12/12/2009 15:59

Too right OP - she sounds very controlling and yanbu. Plenty of sound advice on here though.

chegirlwithbellson · 12/12/2009 16:01

Oh my Lord - banana! Its like cement and looks awful.

Anyway back to OP. YANBU. Go and get what you want. Ignore her 'offering' you stuff. Even if she does come up with the goods it sounds like she would be monitoring everything and commenting everytime you put something on the baby!

I had a friend who wouldnt let me buy anything from bloody argos because her mum worked there and 'could get it cheap with her staff discount'. Of course this staff discount was never forthcoming but she still took it as a personal insult if I dared to buy anything without it! (slightly off topic but does have a teeny bit of relevance to OP )

Go and enjoy yourself shopping for you baby.
The hypnobirthing thing is a pain though. Annoying to have to buy or go without if she has the bloody things lying there!

Original poster

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 16:02

I think your right ladies I shall see what her reply is to my comments, if she gets all shitty with me i'll go and buy myself. As for the moses basket I might ask some close friends as I dont see the point in buying legs for a couple of months.

Or I could be sneaky and message her SIL who is a friend on my facebook offering to collect myself lol bit sneaky of me though!

Ok bananas I clearly must check on here before putting bits in the machine for advice!

thanks!!

OP posts:

OtterInaSkoda · 12/12/2009 16:07

Actually I think YABU (possibly). Many people (me included) don't like to give people anything until the baby arrives. It's not really superstition with me (although it is with lots of people). Do you think that perhaps your sister feels the same way? She's not going to tell you why she's reluctant to let you have her stuff early because she doesn't want to spook you, I reckon.

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 16:07

Not sneaky, pretend you didn't understand sister and thought she WANTED you to go and collect the stuff from SIL.

Taramuddle · 12/12/2009 16:13

Lots of people said they would give/lend me stuff when I was pregnant with dd. The items never materialised so I just bought the stuff I needed (some secondhand anyway). Your sister is being weirdly stubborn, give her a deadline & then buy the stuff you want if she doesn't give it to you. Be blunt, surely you can be with your own sister! Good luck!

Original poster

hurrydownthechimneytonight · 12/12/2009 16:18

ok Otter interesting from your point of view perhaps thats what she thinks, but then why offer to lend a birthing cd to prepare me for birth and then not actually lend till she think the time is right. Maybe your right she does not want to spook me but it all seems a bit daft if that is the case.

I just checked she has not been online for a few hours so am waiting for a shitty reply to my request

at least i know im probably nbu!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2