to think that DH doesn't need a sleep in the day?

[Brunettelady]

My DH works 5 days a week, normal hours but always complains that he is tired. He is used to getting up at 6.30 having done so for years and years. On a saturday when my DS has a sleep, he often goes and has a lie down too. He seems to totally lack energy and I can't work out whether he may be ill or just lazy. In fact I said this to him once. I said if you are that tired you should see the doctor to rule out an illness, otherwise you are lazy. He has no hobbies and often complains that he never gets 'me time' when I do. My 'me time' is sometimes 2.5 hours a week when DS goes to the creche, bearing in mind that I have M.E. and really do need a bit of a break sometimes. I still sleep when DS does but I actually need it. Before I was diagnosed, DH kept on at me to go to the docs. I didn't want to as I felt daft saying I was 'tired a lot', but obviously after many investigations, I did have something wrong with me. I don't really think my DH has something wrong, tbh I think he is a bit lazy, but do healthy men really need to go to sleep in the day?

What is the big deal if the man wants a nap?

What do you think he should be doing instead?

Agree with earlybird.

So, the guy has a nap on a Saturday, I don't see the big deal.

Does it matter if he has a nap? If I understand you right, you and ds are sleeping too.

whats wrong with having a nap if you want and can

At least he's doing it when DS is sleeping - why don't you spend the time doing something you want to do?

Annoys me when DH falls asleep on sofa when his mum and dad are here!

My Dh often has a nap at the weekend , I do sometimes get a bit narked especially when there are things to do round the house. however on the upside if I want a nap he can't say much about it.

he does work long hours and is out of the house by 6 or 6.30am. I've got used to it over the years.

Perhaps your DH 'me time' is when he is having a nap and perhaps he needs it to switch off from the week at work.

so I think YAB a little U.

a nap is good for you.

Let the man sleep if you've nothing else on.

YABU

My DH does, most days I think. He works from home. It does irrate me but I know I can't change it.

So, your DH only does on a Saturday and when your DS is asleep? YABU.

there is nothing worse than trying to stay awake when you're desperate for a kip.

why is being tired lazy?

ooooooh i love a little cheeky daytime snooze

dh and i often sneak upstairs for one at the weekends

Wouldn't have thought it's a big deal really. My DH is always tired and generally has a nap both Sat and Sunday - even when I've got up with DD and he's had a lie-in, which is most of the time. He works long hours so I guess it's fair enough - I work part-time and am 7 months pregnant so also pretty tired at the weekends. We sometimes all have a nap together, it's quite nice.

Only time it bothers me a bit is if it's just because he's massively hungover and has crawled in to bed late, stinking of booze and is then useless for of the next day (bearing in mind how little DD and I see of him during hte week!)

Having said all that, I'm sure he'd be less tired/have more energy if he did any exercise whatsoever, drank less and ate less junk. But I'm far from perfect myself...

DH hasn't got up yet, he has been abroad this week and does work long hours, so i don't see anything wrong with a lie in at the weekend.
We are all having a lazy morning

Napping is perhaps his way of relaxing. Why does he have to be labelled 'ill or lazy' if he takes a nap?

Also, it is unfair of you to call him 'lazy' when he works a full week.

You sound very resentful and angry - especially when posting about the ME - as if you have a 'legitimate' reason for being tired, and he doesn't.

Think you need to look under the surface and see what is really going on here. The fact that it bothers you so much indicates it is about more than your dh simply having a nap.

I only asked as I have never known a healthy person who didn't particularly do much to have a sleep in the day. It just seemed a bit odd to me and thats why I asked him to go to the doctors, thinking it could be something. I think having been tested for all sorts of things due to tiredness being a huge symptom, I tend to think that if people are excessively tired, then there is probably something wrong. The laziness thing just seems as he never wants to do that much, and if I had the energy I would be exercising etc. He does no exercise, and has put on weight (hes not obese or anything) and I get worried as his dad died at 49 of a heart attack.

Yabu and a bit funny actually - so its ok for you to be tired and sleep when the baby does, but DH is lazy - sorry made me snigger

Me and DP often have an afternoon nap if we get a chance. I love sleeping though, and can sleep even if I'm not particularly tired.

Early, there is nothing under the surface, and I am not angry and resentful, just confused. But have realised from reading this that a lot of other people do have naps which I never actually knew unless you were ill or something.

My husband has always had lazy days on the weekend but he is out of the house 12 hours a day so I normally let it go (unless its really really difficult for whatever reason).

If you think he may be ill please encourage him (not nag him) to see a dcotor. My husband was very very tired and was actually diagnosed with depression BUT after events a few weeks ago where he was sleeping for most of the day (i posted a message on here even!) he has now had more tests and we found out he has liver problems which we are waiting for more tests for (next week).Yes I feel guilty for callign him lazy!

so YABU to not let him nap a bit but if you really think it is odd then just try and get him to go to the docs.

YANBU. This drives me mad too. I don't think a grown man should need a nap in the daytime. In the case of my DH, I think it's an excuse so he can get out of doing chores/helping with our DS. Out of order, especially when I'm the one who's got up to sort the baby out while he's having a long lazy lie-in.

Grr.

i think you are projecting your desires on to him, you think about all the stuff you'd do if you didn't have ME but you don't realise that people without ME get exhausted too.

he might be stressed out with work or homelife or he might be having less hours sleep than he needs, he has a fulltime job, sounds like he takes a reasonable share of childcare, gets up at 6.30am every day... you can't argue with his bodyclock - just because he's managed in the past doesn't mean he should manage forever.

if he's tired, he's tired. nobody takes a nap if they're not tired - he wouldn't be able to sleep in the day if he wasn't tired.

Yes, I think "healthy men" do need a sleep during the day once a week, especially if they get up at 6.30am round the clock. What's your problem? Why shouldn't he?

Hmm - I speak as a napper... I love having afternoon naps and when the boys were younger, would try to have one most weekends. I think I'd have one every day if I could . Let him nap if he feels the need - I work full time and am not ill but just love the feeling of going to bed during the day and zonking out for an hour or two!

Typically - how long does he nap for?

That might be an indication of whether or not there is more to it physically.

Fluffles, you are probably right. I used to be quite fit before I was ill, swimming, gym and stuff and I get really frustrated that I can't do it now.

I just think that if he did a little bit of exercise, he may actually feel better (he did say about going swimming, but he never has). I am just very paranoid that he could have an early heart attack like his dad if he doesn't look after himself.