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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DH doesn't need a sleep in the day?

50 replies

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 12:53

My DH works 5 days a week, normal hours but always complains that he is tired. He is used to getting up at 6.30 having done so for years and years. On a saturday when my DS has a sleep, he often goes and has a lie down too. He seems to totally lack energy and I can't work out whether he may be ill or just lazy. In fact I said this to him once. I said if you are that tired you should see the doctor to rule out an illness, otherwise you are lazy. He has no hobbies and often complains that he never gets 'me time' when I do. My 'me time' is sometimes 2.5 hours a week when DS goes to the creche, bearing in mind that I have M.E. and really do need a bit of a break sometimes. I still sleep when DS does but I actually need it. Before I was diagnosed, DH kept on at me to go to the docs. I didn't want to as I felt daft saying I was 'tired a lot', but obviously after many investigations, I did have something wrong with me. I don't really think my DH has something wrong, tbh I think he is a bit lazy, but do healthy men really need to go to sleep in the day?

OP posts:

fernie3 · 12/12/2009 13:21

earlybird thats true - my normal non ill husband used to nap maybe and hour and a half to two hours. Since being ill he falls asleep and wakes up maybe 6 or 7 hours later - so yes it makes a huge diff how long the naps are!

Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 13:23

He will nap for as long as our DS is asleep, usually between an hour to an hour and a half, but if we are sat in the living room etc, he always seems to be falling asleep, cue DS running over jumping on him screaming "wake up daddy".

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fluffles · 12/12/2009 13:23

I don't blame you Brunette - i've got a stinking cold and respiratory infection and i've just basically forced my DP out on his mountain bike because i want to go out and hated the idea of him being healthy and 'wasting' the day

IsItMeOrSanta · 12/12/2009 13:27

YABU and pretty unsympathetic, but I'm assuming that this is because of your ME experience. It's not unusual ime for someone who has done a full week of work to have a nap on Saturday during the day - it's not as if it's every day.

This would not make me call him lazy - I'd be joining him if it were my DH and we had the opportunity for a nice cosy snuggle.

I think you're suffering from the rose-tinted specs effect that seems to happen when you are unable to do something and can't understand why everybody who can do it, doesn't iyswim. Chances are, if you could exercise, you probably wouldn't any more than many of the rest of us.

TamsinToo · 12/12/2009 13:32

YABVU. I get up at 6.15 every morning. Work 'normal hours' then come back and look after two Dss usually pretty much single handed. By Friday I'm lucky to stay awake much past 8.30. I am completely exahausted. Went to the Drs to ensure nothing was wrong and although he did do the blood tests (found nothing wrong) he actually said it was hardly surprising being my age and everything I had on my plate.

Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 13:32

Isitme, made me smile about the unsympathetic, as I am known for not being particularly sympathetic unless it is really warranted. I know I shouldn't call him lazy and he does help me out (with some eye rolling and mumbling under his breath).

And yes, the rose tinted thing, I think you are spot on. The only thing you are wrong is the bit at the end. I would sooooo exercise if I could, I love swimming and feel like a right lemon if I do go as I spend most of the time floating about. I also want a Wii but I went on my brothers and it made me hurt so it seems a bit pointless now. Which has nothing to do with my post.

OP posts:

Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 13:34

Tamsin, just to let you know, he doesn't come home from work and do everything single handed. That does suck for you though.

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Crazycatlady · 12/12/2009 13:35

I think you might be BU to not want him to have the odd Saturday nap, but I don't think YABU to want to make sure it's not a health issue as I do agree it's unusual to habitually have a weekend nap or be falling asleep all the time if you're not working massively long hours or up in the night looking after babies.

You say he doesn't do much/any exercise. Is there any possibility he might be mildly depressed?

How is his diet?

IsItMeOrSanta · 12/12/2009 13:36

Fair enough! Shame about the Wii, as they are good fun, maybe DH would use it and accidentally get a bit of exercise in though?

Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 13:36

Crazycat, diet isn't too bad, not perfect but whose is? We eat a lot better now we have DS. Not sure about the depressed thing. Don't think so, but if I asked him I don't think he would say.

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RainRainGoAway · 12/12/2009 13:37

YABVU.

Naps are lovely and I would be more than happy for DH to have a nap when DS is asleep. FGS, the man works really long hours, as do you being a mum. If you wanted a nap and he came on here complaining about it, imagine the stink it would cause!!

Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 13:37

Isitme, good idea, he does want one actually!! Can't believe I didn't think of that!

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Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 13:39

Rainrain, he doesn't work really long hours, normal hours. He likes to get up and wake up before work (which I understand) which is why he gets up at 6.30.

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MrsMattie · 12/12/2009 13:40

If I could have a nap every day I would! Me and DH often take it in turns to have an afternoon kip at the weekend.

IsItMeOrSanta · 12/12/2009 13:41

I'm on commission you know .

Lack of exercise can cause you to have low energy, so doing more exercise perversely means you will have more energy (although sadly not in your case).

Crazycatlady · 12/12/2009 13:42

Does he seem lazy in other ways? Like, if nothing motivated him or seemed to give him a sparkle in his eye then I'd be suspecting depressing, otherwise he might well be lazy, or just really like napping!

Do you think he genuinely needs the nap, or just quite fancies it? If he needs it, I'd be a bit concerned, but if he just quite likes an afternoon kip then I'd probably leave him be, but try to talk to him about getting things done that need doing around the house first!

My DH likes to fall asleep on the sofa of an evening. I find it intensely irritating and have been quite horrid to him about it at times. But now we've come to a compromise that as long as he has tidied away all his work crap and hasn't left the kitchen like a bomb site then he can nap to his hearts content and I promise not to prod and shout.

EdgarAleNPie · 12/12/2009 13:43

i have a nap. on every non-working day. it's great, and means i am human in the evening - fresh for a few hours of MNing conversation with my darling husband....

i wish he would nap to, instead of waking the chiffing baby up with his noise......

Crazycatlady · 12/12/2009 13:44

whoops...

[PG brain alert]

Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 13:45

He he. Yeah I know, I have tried to tell him this. I suppose its finding the time, and wanting to. Thats why my Step Grandad has a hard time 'believing' in M.E. as he said that me before and I told him it wouldn't work. So he said "and you're different from the rest of the population are you?" To which I replied, yes.

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belgo · 12/12/2009 13:45

I don't think it's abnormal to need a nap at the weekend if you have worked all week, getting up early, and have a young family as well.

My dh is upstairs now sleeping - I told him to lie down, otherwise he'll be tired all weekend.

FerretInYourTrews · 12/12/2009 13:53

What time does he go to bed at night? I don't have a problem with my dh having a nap if he's been working long hours (and he sometimes works stupidly long hours, 21 hours last Saturday, 7 hours on the Sunday, 15 hours today and averages 10 hours on a normal day. This is all without a day off for the last two weeks) So I really don;t have a problem with him catching some zzz, hell I think I'd be dead doing that sort of work.

I do have a problem with him napping when he has been on the X box until 3am though. there is no way he's sleeping the next day away when that happens.

choosyfloosy · 12/12/2009 14:02

I feel quite OK if I can get up at 7.30 /8 every day (which, thank God, I now can - ds is almost 6 and I am not working at the mo). When I had to get up at 5.30/6/6.30, if anyone had asked me at ANY time what I wanted to do, the honest answer would have been 'sleep'.

I also find that if I sit still during the day, especially having to read a dull story or similar, I will start dropping off on the sofa. So I am usually the parent who gets up and gets out with ds as I feel a lot better in the fresh air. As your dc get older and more into being outside/football/cycling/roller skating or whatever, you will probably find your dh joins them. In the meantime, let the man sleep!

starlight99 · 12/12/2009 14:15

It might be worth getting a blood test just in case. When I had anaemia I felt extraordinarily tired all the time and iron supplements helped.
Just a thought.

Original poster

Brunettelady · 12/12/2009 15:37

Starlight, I thought about anaemia, as I had this as well a few months ago and felt flippin awful, but as the symptoms are sooo similar to M.E. I didn't do anything for ages, in fact it was found by accident.

Choosy, thats what I am hoping for as DS gets older. We try and go out in the summer (not that we had much of one this year) and DH has to run around after DS then which is good.

Ferret, I think anyone would want to sleep doing that much work!! Sounds like my dad. And yes, DH does go to bed too late sometimes after watching a film or staying on the net. Then complains that he is tired the next day as he went to bed late. Go to bloody bed earlier then!

OP posts:

Laquitar · 12/12/2009 15:50

Don't forget in many countries this is the norm, they nap every day between 3-5 pm.

However if he is always tired and lacks motivation then it could be something more.

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