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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dp wants to go out and I've said no!?? aibu

36 replies

sheepgomeep · 12/12/2009 10:32

ok here goes.
dp has just woken up and said his mate had rung him inviting him out on a works do (a piss up round town) tonight and he was going whether I liked it or not.

I am so pissed off with this because its extremely short notice and he also has overnight contact with his two little girls every Sat night and he was going to call his ex up and let them all down so he could go out. I thought that was pretty disgusting myself and told him so.

We have had many many issues lately as he goes out toplay darts twice a week and comes in at 2 or 3 in the morning with no explanation as to where he has been, spending a lot of money which we can ill afford,

He went mad and said I was a bitch because I went on my works do last sat (which was a sit down buffet meal in one place with a live band and I only spent a tenner on soft drinks as I'm pg) That was the first time I'd been out in 6 months and I drove!

Then he said he would get his mother to baby sit which I do not as it isn't fair on her as she would have to sit for 5 children and she finds it difficult to cope all at once. His attitude is that he doesn't care as long as he goes out with his mates.

Is it me being a control freak because I've put my foot down or is it him being a twat, because he says I'm the bitch?

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 12/12/2009 10:33

oh forgot to mention I'm working a 5 till 10 pm shift too tonight

OP posts:
LaurieFairyonthetreeeatscake · 12/12/2009 10:35

I think he can choose whether to go out or not.

And I think you can choose to decide whether you want this twat in your life or not. Bet its really obvious now why his last relationship broke up

He's pathetic and a child, bet you can do better

biggirlsdontcry · 12/12/2009 10:38

he's a twat , & needs to grow up , does he normally throw a tantrum to get his own way ?

fairylightsgliMMErontheLINDTen · 12/12/2009 10:38

The 'going whether you like it or not' is definitely unreasonable.

As is letting his DDs down.

As is going out to play darts when you cannot afford it.

In summary, he is a selfish twat.

Uriel · 12/12/2009 10:38

Did he really only find out today?

ineedalifelaundry · 12/12/2009 10:41

From what you've said, YANBU

Sounds like he already knew how you were going to react by how he announced his plans 'whether you like it or not' but it's a very confrontational and childish way to start a conversation.

pollyblue · 12/12/2009 10:43

So would he go out as soon as you got in from work tonight? Do you have three children together, plus you normally would have his two dds with you overnight tonight? If he only has those two dds tonight as a regular thing personally i think it's a bit off to cancel just to go out on the lash.

I think YANBU but in your shoes i'd be livid because he'd called me a bitch, thinks it's fine to p*ss our money up the wall a couple of times a week regardless and says he'll do something "whether you like it or not". Sounds a real charmer and he needs to grow up. Personally, if he goes I think I'd change the bloody locks

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 12/12/2009 10:48

well he said he did... but it makes me wonder. He is very friendly with this group of lads It's only a few of them from the nightshift going out together. He has had some casual shifts with the company through the empoyment agency. Also one of these lads id going to the phillipines for christmas next week and dp is supposed to be in hospital for a camera up his bum job on the 22nd dec and is supposed to be cutting down on alchohol.

A couple of these lads are also coke and pot heads which is another reason why I don't want him going

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 12/12/2009 10:50

no he has to go at half six apparantly

I don't want him to go at all.. he thinks nothing of spending 50 quid a night

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 12/12/2009 10:51

we have 1 dd together, two from my previous relationship and his dd's stay every sat night as regular contact.

He also switches his phone off everytime he goes out

OP posts:
famishedass · 12/12/2009 10:57

YANBU

biggirlsdontcry · 12/12/2009 11:09

take some comfort knowing he is going to have a sore bum over the Christmas

IsItMeOrSanta · 12/12/2009 11:21

YANBU.

Was he always like this and you hoped he would change? Are all 5 of the dcs you mention his?

MrsSantaChemist · 12/12/2009 11:22

YANBU. If DH even dared call me a bitch, he would have some serious apologising to do, and that would include not going out if I said he couldn't.

DuelingFanjo · 12/12/2009 11:24

Sounds like a mega twat even without this event.

PrincessToadstool · 12/12/2009 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 12/12/2009 11:28

Why are you with this man? He doesn't sound very appealing and he certainly doesn't sound as if he loves, respects or even likes you. He is probably the sort of man who likes having 'Er INdoors to do his washing and cook his meals and allow him to get on top and have sex with her now and again, while he does exactly what he likes and moans to his mates about what a drag women are and how he's 'Under the thumb'.
Really, what do you get out of being this man's partner?

Northernlebkuchen · 12/12/2009 11:40

Ugh - no this is very unreasonable behaviour.

Can I ask - who earns the main wage?

pollyblue · 12/12/2009 11:52

Well if he has to go out at 6.30 and he knows you're working it's really unreasonable of him to expect his mum to babysit until you get home, if he knows she finds it a bit too much to handle.

And switching his phone off when he's out, esp as you're pregnant, is beyond unreasonable. I'm sorry, I know he's your other half but as another poster said, what on earth do you get out of this relationship? He sounds a nightmare.

mrsboogiefairylights · 12/12/2009 12:59

you should just get out of the relationship. He only cares about himself. waster.

pithyslicker · 12/12/2009 13:04

YANBU

Apart form all the other issues.He shouldn't go out and let his children down. He does sound a twat.

macdoodle · 12/12/2009 13:16

Ah well now you know why he has an exW, any bets she was a "bitch" too!

SausageRocket · 12/12/2009 13:18

he's being a nobboid

BouncingTurtle · 12/12/2009 13:27

I think you should let him go out.

Then get a locksmith around to change the locks. I think that would give him a pretty clear message about the fact he is a selfish twunt.

He is treating you and his dds with complete disrepect.

I agree with the others - I suspect this is why is ex-W is an ex-wife!

Am very on your behalf at him calling you a bitch. If my DH spoke to me that way he would be out on his ear.

IsItMeOrSanta · 12/12/2009 13:38

lol at SausageRocket - succinct and to the point.

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