To not want to take ds to the in-laws coz mil smokes

[einalem]

Ds is 5weeks old and probably like most 1st time mums pretty much everything worries me wen it comes to his health.
Iv never smoked and neither has my partner, we live with my parents at the minute and neither of them smoke. And it's something I really don't want2 hav near my son.
B4 he was born mil told my partner she wud smoke outside when we came over but we'v been there 3 timed now and she's smoked in the kitchen with the door open which is right next to the living/dining room. It's really annoyed me but I feel like I can't really say anything coz it's her house.
My partner doesn't seem that bothered coz she smoked thru all 3 of her pregnancies and always in the house.
It's not often we get to go there and I don't really know if there are any short term effects of passive smoking but I just really don't like it and wud rather not have it to worry about ontop of everything else.
Ok rant over!
Sorry about the long post!

My MIL and I no long speak. I used to be a smoker and I asked that she wouldn?t smoke in doors if we took the baby to her house, she smokes 70 nasty cheep fags a day. She once gave my DP a bag of fruit and managed to make the tangerine smell like an ashtray.
Tangerine fer fooks sake!
My DP has very bad asthma, which she is in denial about.
She told me she stopped for a fag half way thought labour with him for one. Surprised he didn?t come out with an ash try on his head.
During my pregnancy we went to stay, the house just made me feel like throwing up constantly.
She attempted to keep it to her study, while we were there but she looked like a guest on ?Stars in there eyes? on exiting it with the enormous cloud of asbestos following her out.
She is suffering a great deal of effects from it as she finds it hard to walk very far and insisted we visit her in the Ashtray that she calls a house.
Four weeks to birth she managed to get hold of my mobile phone number. (I have kept it to my self as she talked to me about the colour of paper for 2 hours over the phone one night. I became phone phobic because of this and her boring and intensely depressive passive aggressive gin sodden daily mail land of denial she lives in)
As she asked me what I need for the birth I asked her that she conceder smoking out side and that she had to at the very least not smoke indoors while we had the new born there, and air the place out the night before we came.
Her reply was to insinuate that she had a terminal illness,
?Iv all ready got something, blub blub,?
Me ?Don?t worry we will get though this? Crying my self.
Basically the jist was giving up smoking was not worth it and not to ask because of this to make her smoke out side. Oh yea, not tell her son any of this.
I was 8 month pregnant at the time, and my family are only getting over the death of my brother 3 years ago to cancer.
Suffice to say I end up not sleeping for 2 night worrying and finally tell my husband what she said, not able to take the stress of bearing this anymore on my own.
I pack him off to confront her and find out what?s happening and goes of to see her.
He comes back to tell me she is not actually ill with any thing, my FIL phones to confirm this as well.
I used to love smoking, and now I hate it. Imagine scaring the shite out of a pregnant woman like that all because she could be arssed to do it outside for one night.
The smell turns my stomach now.
Phew, i needed that rant
Sorry

I had this exact problem with my MIL, made worse as she lives in Ireland and we have to stay in the house. She promised that she wouldn't smoke in the house when we stayed. My DD has chest problems, asthma etc and so I thought that she would abide by this, but no...the first night we were there she smoked in the kitchen with the door open. I was furious. I said to her that I was surprised that she was smoking as we had agreed that she wouldn't.....big row....she said it was her house and she would do as she liked, i agreed it was her house and she could do as she liked, but i would not be bringing my daughter to stay there again. The next day i packed up and went to stay at SILs. It took a while to get over it but I didn't care. If she would rather have a fag than have her Grand daughter stay in her house, then it is her decision. I was very clear from the start

I would never take a baby into a house with someone smoking even at an open door as it just wafts straight back in.

My Dad smokes and goes outside to smoke when he is here and airs his house before we visit.

MIL thought we were being overly precious but still stuck to the rules, she actually wouldn't smoke at all when here as she didn't want the DDs to know she smoked although they did tell her she smelled

She died in the Summer, smoking related

If a child has asthma, or some other health problem, then there is a clear risk to their health if they are exposed to triggers; I am asthmatic and will not go in a house if there is a cat living there.

There is also a risk to any child who lives with someone who smokes indoors.

But is there a risk to children who are not asthmatic or similar, of developing a health problem as a consequence of occasionally being exposed to second hand smoke?

Has anyone got any actual evidence of this? Because I have never seen any.

jemL
....."The effects of smoking are well known, proven, and documented "

um, actually, not true.

you are correct that there is alot of documentation about smoking and its possible effects, but documentation is not PROOF.

in actuality, there is not alot of scientific PROOF that smoking for example causes cancer.

(i am not a smoker)

Merry Christmas everyone xx Any support needed! My husbands family live 300 miles away and we are visiting tomorrow for 3 days. My husband always wants us to stay at his parents house but I prefer to stay at a hotel. My reasons are fil smokes in the house and it is generally not clean, no space to
myself which I personally really need. (For example once I arrived and my husband expected me to sleep on the settee in the living room with 3 other adults and 2 young children in the house. I hadn’t even been made aware of this before I arrived).

My husband has gotten angry at me in the past when I have suggested staying at a hotel which has left me very anxious to bring up the subject at all. I don’t know what to do as we’re leaving tomorrow 😔 Thanks for reading, suppose I’m just looking for some support before I talk to him - it’s also my due date today for one of my pregnancy losses this year!

Hi, can I suggest first you start your own thread as people are unlikely to see this one - or to reply to you rather than the original poster.
If you don't have a hotel booked it might be too late? Or who knows, there could be a bargain you find online and sell it to him that way. BUT you should not be afraid of your own husband and you should think about why that is or if this is a red flag.
Im sorry about your losses - Im sure you will have your baby in the end (possibly with someone else though, I don't like the sound of your dh!)

Tell her it’s her choice- she stops smoking and you’ll visit. She continues smoking and you won’t visit. Smoking is toxic and so is second (in the air) and third hand smoke (on clothes, on the person, on the furniture). It’s her choice. When she visits you she can wash her hands and wear clothes she’s not worn to smoke in.

Zombie thread
The baby in the OP is in high school now

It's basically a shame to alienate your DIL by not being able to just go outside for a cigarette for the short period of her grandchild's visit.

Even the heaviest smokers will smoke outside when babies and small children are present. She doesn't sound like a very caring grandmother if she isn't willing to even do this.

This thread was posted in 2009 FFS do people not read

Yes sorry I have made my own post now too, I got mixed up! Yeah I have booked hotel and I’m just going to stay strong about it. He seems ok about it so far so hopefully it won’t come back up. Thank you hopefully I will get my rainbow baby one day xxx