To want to be called "Mrs So-and-so" by a teenage shop assistant, not by my first name?

[YouDontKnowMeFromAdam]

I've had few back and forward phone calls with a young shop assitant about whether my delivery has arrived. I met her in person in the shop originally and she is not over 20. She has recently rang to say (finally!) it's ready for collection but I realised what it was about her that annoyed me - she called me by my first name, several times.

I'm 34, so not exactly ancient (I like to think ) , and I don't quite know why it grated. But it did.

AIBU?

maybe the sales asst was going through the order book no sinister motives.and she didnt expect her age to be salient point

and didn't expect such a clenchie reaction

YANB totally U. I hate that 'over-use of Christian name' on the phone, where there's no eye contact to ameliorate things - rather than creating a chatty, friendly atmos, it just reminds me of bad 60s films when they're trying to soothe someone into a straightjacket.

BUUUUUT... when you think about it, it actually saves the HR department from a minefield of possible offence. Recently - I'm 35 - I've noticed more and more letters automatically addressed to Mrs Wildfig, even though I'm definitely still a Miss, not even a Ms. Have been with OH for 13 years - is not an issue. If I correct the telesales representative dealing with "Mrs W", I look slightly defensive and they're embarrassed; if I don't correct them, I feel vaguely odd that someone, somewhere, thinks I should be married because the gas bill is in my name, even if it's paid from an account belonging to a Miss.

[aware this makes me sound more obsessed by this than I am...]

There is a difference though between over-using a first name in a customer service / salesy way, and using it in a friendly way once you have established a proper two-way relationship with a client or whoever.

I don't mind being called by my first name at all, and actually hate being called Mrs as I not one.

But I wouldn't say YANBU, your view's as valid as mine!

"BUUUUUT... when you think about it, it actually saves the HR department from a minefield of possible offence."

I actually found a few times when having to call customers from an order book that there'd be no title. If it was a man, then great, it was Mr, if it was a woman then I tended to psyche myself up before calling because I knew there was a high chance I'd be offending someone unintentionally.

how did you address her? I always take my lead from how I am addressed. If I am addressed by my first name then I respond by calling them by their first name, same with emails etc at work. And I'm not sure what the fact that she is young, or a shop assistant, has to do with it really, people are all equals in my book.

At least you weren't called 'mate' which seems all the rage in some parts!

It's a bit tricky there, you are expected to address your porter, driver etc. by their first name but it would be wrong for them to address you by your first name.

I make a point of calling my chauffeur and butler by their first names

In Oz it's first names all the way, and gets on my threepennies.

I hate being phoned up by some [arsey] legitimately concerned parent and berated about their lovely child [spawn of Satan] while they call me by my first name. They don't know me, this is not a friendly relationship but a business one. I persist in calling them by their titles.

did she know your sirname? and did she know wether you are a mrs miss or ms, when i'm unsure i just call people by their first and second name ie 'hello is that addicted to christmas this is [enter shop name]'

The poor woman isn't telepathic.
If I feel I want to be addressed as Mrs Goblinchild and someone is calling me Gobbybabe instead, I wait a couple of seconds and say politely but clearly ' My name is Mrs Goblinchild' and wait for that to sink in before proceeding further.
Face to face it's even easier to project frosty disdain for unwanted over-familiarity.

The way around this for future reference is that when a shop/telephone ordering type person asks for your name you say "Mrs X" not "Sarah X".

I sympathise - I don't like it when my colleagues address clients by their first names (I never ever do, and I think it actually gives you a useful separation - makes it clear they are not a friend but a client, and it is easier then when you have something unpleasant to say) either.

I always call my pts by their full name or title with surname. I had one the other day who wanted me to call him by his 1st name, so I said he could call me my 1st name. He then said a shortened version back (not the one I use) and so I said the long one (I only use professionally and to the bank manager etc) so I came back with another shortened version... I find it really weird when patients use my 1st name. I only use 1st names with them when they're nervous or under the age of 18 (I have notes I can check the age).

OP I find the whole using your name, full or otherwise v annoying. One of my relatives does it, apparently it's a good way to remember someones name, he is especially crap at remember names, but I wish he wouldn't.

YANBU

Personally, I think it depends what you were buying. I mean, was it a pair of Ugg boots? In which case I think Mrs is entirely inapporopriate.

I think all this old fashioned fixation over the status of the word Mrs is very odd in all you bright young things. Would you have liked her to call you Miss YourMaidenName as much as you would like to be called Mrs YouDontKnowMe? Would you, would you? You're just showing off thinking being a Mrs is something superior aren't you???? Eh? Eh?

Having said that, I do hate people who repeat your name after everything they say. Our builder keeps doing that and it's driving me mad!!!

inappropriate

I don't know if it is a "showing off" thing, I was only 22 when I got married and it would have seemed odd if a 19 year old had called me "Miss X" before then. So not so much married as getting old(er).

All my clients call me by my first name - they're the client, they're the one who deserve the courtesy of a title. I'm not bothered in that situation.

As a side note, I wish politicians on the news would refer to other politicians as 'Gordon Brown' or 'Mr Brown' or 'The Prime Minister' instead of going on about 'Gordon told me that...' and 'David's position is...' as if the interviewer has just popped in to some cosy cheese'n'wine party at the golf club.

Oh God I am with you wildfig. I hate that. Cherie Blair apparently asked Princess Anne to call her Cherie, and she replied "no let's just stick to Mrs Blair". Good on her.

nothing to do with age for me, have always hated being called mrs... , and have been married 20 years!

at Princess Anne, I like her style.