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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to pay daughter to babysit my other kids?

47 replies

Bigbadmummy · 11/12/2009 13:05

just a question...

My daughter has started babysitting (she is 15) for friends, neighbours and family.

I have asked her to look after my younger daughter tomorrow for a couple of hours (who is 11) and actually used to be left for an hour or two anyway.

Eldest daughter (jokingly admittedly) said "you going to pay me"?

I didnt answer because I thought "bloody cheek you will be in your beddroom on your laptop and your sister will be in the front room watching TV".

But is that unreasonable for me?

Do you pay your elder kids to look after siblings?

Oh and this is in the afternoon, not in the evening, when she will be home anyway.

OP posts:

izzybiz · 11/12/2009 13:08

I wouldn't for that situation, I do pay my Ds if he sits in the evenings though.

He is nearly 17 and my Dd and Ds2 are 5 and 1.

Ds1 is babysitting tommorrow night, we will give him £10 to get a pizza or some "junk" as he likes to call it!

RainRainGoAway · 11/12/2009 13:09

I don't see the harm in giving her a £5-10 voucher for New Look or something. But then just give her fewer Xmas presents!

DecorHate · 11/12/2009 13:10

I wouldn't pay my own child to look after a sibling if it was an occasional thing but if it was very regular/frequent thing I would do something to thank her (eg my mum paid for me to go on an optional school trip to thank me for doing a lot of babysitting, basically so she could go to work in the evening)

But if your youngest is 11 she doesn't need a babysitter as such anyway does she so I think definitely no in this case.

BitOfFun · 11/12/2009 13:11

I would never pay my dd to babysit. Never. We all help each other out in this house because we are family. Otherwise I should charge her far more for all the little domestic services I have performed than she would ever be able to earn.

RainRainGoAway · 11/12/2009 13:12

But now she is charging other people she is a 'professional babysitter'.
Once I qualified in my profession then i would have been pissed off to have people assume I would carry on doing things in that line for free.

Not saying pay her, just seeing the side from her POV.

nothingofthesort · 11/12/2009 13:17

Same as BoF.

Firawla · 11/12/2009 13:23

if the babysat child was younger and it involved dd1 doing alot of running around after them, like for a 1 yr old and making and giving their lunch, changing nappies etc then yes i would pay something or treat her if she did baby sit, but not for 11 yr old and situation you described

somewhathorrified · 11/12/2009 13:23

I'd say ofc I'll pay you, btw I want your contribution to the household bills, food, clothes, rent...see her face drop!

SE13Mummy · 11/12/2009 13:23

You could always offer to pay her whilst simultaneously presenting her with an invoice for domestic services...

ShrinkingViolet · 11/12/2009 13:26

DD1 gets a pretty gererous allowance, in return for which she babysits whenever I need (regularly one evening a week for two hours, and occasionally for things like nipping to the supermarket. She also sometimes does a whole afternoon-tea-bedtime as well) - she's 16, her sisters are 7 and 11.

shopalot · 11/12/2009 13:27

I am 14 years older than my sister so I can speak from the other point of view. I always had to babysit for my sister and was never paid. I also turned down paid work for my parents. As you can tell I still resent it now!!!!! I know it is give and take in a family and I understand that but sometimes you do feel a bit taken for granted. I think during the day is fine and I wouldn't wanted to have been paid for that but the evenings are different. Just talk to your dd say you won't pay her for tomorrow but obviously if she babysits in the evening you will treat her as you realise she is doing you a favour. Not necessay to have an hourly rate or anything just a gesture IMO

upahill · 11/12/2009 13:38

It would be a long cold day in hell before I paid by child to 'babysit' a sibling. In essence all she is doing is stopping in.

As bit of fun said we all help each other out in this house.

Another thread this week was on the lines of docking money for not doing chores. Me and DH just don't get the paying for jobs. We expect everyone to muck in and support each other whether it's helping unload a van or making their own bed. They get rewarded in mnay ways and it sounds like your daughter is well loked after too.

So no Bigbadmummy (Hey that's what my kids call me!) I do not think you ABU

HappyMummyOfOne · 11/12/2009 13:42

Not if she gets an allowance and its a one off but if regular then yes I probably would or increase her allowance to accomodate.

MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 13:43

I make a big deal of appreciating things like that and sometimes I offer money (if it is a big sacrifice on their part and/or I can afford it) but sometimes it's just part of family life and they are doing their bit as civilised human beings

Bonsoir · 11/12/2009 13:45

I do think that you need to respect your children's time and energy, personal space and possessions, just as you expect them to respect yours.

So you need to work out an agreement with your DD about babysitting for her younger siblings.

You could, for example, have a "ceiling" of 6 hours of free babysitting from your DD per week and thereafter you pay her market rates?

dutchmanswife · 11/12/2009 13:51

I was in a similar situation to Shopalot. I was the eldest of 5 and expexted to babysit every Saturday night and also every Thursday evening so my parents could go late night shopping. It was unpaid and I also had to turn down paid work. In fact I can't even remember them saying thank you. I am also very resentful and would never ask my children to babysit for nothing.

diddl · 11/12/2009 13:56

If she wasn´t going to be there, would you leave your 11yr old anyway?

Has she given anything up to stay in and look after her sister?

If she has given something up to stay in I would perhaps get a treat of some kind for her.

jumpyjan · 11/12/2009 14:05

I think as it is not her responsibility and she will be doing you a favour she should be rewarded in some way as a thank you (just like you would do if a friend or relative babysat really).

Perhaps buy her a little treat of some kind.

I must admit (and not suggesting you do this) but I always feel sorry for older siblings who are given lots of babysitting/household responsibilities as I think they are children too and there will be a time in their life when they will have to deal with all that - but not now. But am aware that lots of households operate on a everybody pitch in attitude so I guess it just depends where you stand on this (sorry not v helpful).

Reallytired · 11/12/2009 14:05

Does an eleven year old really need to be baby sat for 2 hours in the afternoon. Its not as if you are leaving her overnight.

Many eleven year olds walk to school on their own or catch buses or trains regularly to school. Surely your eleven year old can cope with being left on her own for two hours. I think it would be a different matter if she was a primary school child.

MitchyInge · 11/12/2009 14:11

my 10yo HATES to be alone and would probably have a mental breakdown if left in the house by herself for two hours

she will walk to school and come home alone but gets v anxious in the house on her own for long - they're all different though aren't they, think my eldest was ok with it at that age but can't remember now

cat64 · 11/12/2009 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/12/2009 15:08

No way. My mum only ever paid me if I lost a paid job to babysit for parents, and it wasn't the full rate. They didn't ask me often to be fair but it was just part of my responsibility in the family as the eldest.

Families are little communities and children should be taught that they have responsibilities in their community, not just rights.

jemart · 11/12/2009 15:15

No, I wouldn't pay her.

brimfull · 11/12/2009 15:24

we only pay dd if she has missed going out to babysit for her brother

she never asks for it though

butadream · 11/12/2009 15:28

I wouldn't pay her but maybe there is another small treat she would like, e.g. a lie-in or the ability to choose the menu for a family meal?

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