to not want to pay daughter to babysit my other kids?

[Bigbadmummy]

just a question...

My daughter has started babysitting (she is 15) for friends, neighbours and family.

I have asked her to look after my younger daughter tomorrow for a couple of hours (who is 11) and actually used to be left for an hour or two anyway.

Eldest daughter (jokingly admittedly) said "you going to pay me"?

I didnt answer because I thought "bloody cheek you will be in your beddroom on your laptop and your sister will be in the front room watching TV".

But is that unreasonable for me?

Do you pay your elder kids to look after siblings?

Oh and this is in the afternoon, not in the evening, when she will be home anyway.

lots of good advice on this thread- reasonable to put a ceiling on it, to express appreciation, but no reason why occasional babysitting can't count as an ordinary chore

the fact that she is getting money babysitting elsewhere is neither here nor there: would you charge her for meals if you happened to get paid elsewhere to work as a chef or a dinner lady?

Personally I think that families are the only communities that can actually be successfully communist so it is "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need".

I don't think you should pay her to babysit siblings, but it's tricky when she gets a paid offer elsewhere on the same night, obviously she'd rather go there!

A problem my own neice has sometimes with her babysitting jobs.

Thanks everybody.

I am not going to pay her, I hadnt really considered doing so to be honest, for all the reasons most of you point out. I just wanted to see what other people did and might have reconsidered if it was the norm to do so.

She gets £25 a month as an allowance, plus I still buy odd bits of clothing for her / pay her hockey club subs etc so is hardly broke.

I would probably have left 11 year old on her own for a couple of hours anyway and eldest is not giving anything up.

I think I will acknowledge it by say how much I do appreciate it rather than taking it for granted.

Thanks for all your replies.

I used to basically get told to stay in and mind my sister when I was in my teens and she was around nine/ten. I resented it a great deal- at that age your friends are more of a big deal to you than your family, and my sister was utterly babied and mollycoddled as the youngest. I was given no choice, and rarely thanked.
Up to you whether you pay her but I'd say that letting her know you are grateful is more important!

I can speak from the other side there are 13 years between me and my sister and I always have and probably always will look after her for my mum to work. Now it bothers me because if she was working it usually meant turning down a night of paid babysitting when I was younger.

Now it bothers me because I look after my sister for my mum to work but I cant work because I have no one to care for my kids because my mum works full time yet without me she could not earn any money.

It also pisses me off that I happen to be very good with hair and beauty I am not qualified but I can do everything my qualified friend can do just as well and quicker. But people expect me to do it for free and at weddings or even nights out I end up spending about six hours doing everyone's hair make up and those designer nails unpaid and have no time to do my own so turn up without so much as a little mascara. This has also stopped me from becoming qualified because I don't want to have to do hair and beauty 24 hours a day.

In answer to op fine as long as she is not missing out on anything (like paid work) and as long as it is occasional because at the end of the day they are your kids and you are supposed to be the one sacrificing on nights out not your daughter so occasional fine.

IMO, the argument of "professional babysitter" isn't a good one, as just because she's babysitting that doesn't mean she's a professional by any means. If she's taken some time to take CPR classes and whatever else childminders have to do, then perhaps yes.

Regardless, I think the idea posted earlier in the thread, re: giving pizza money, is a good one. I certainly wouldn't pay the going wage, or else you might as well get someone in with more experience than she has, at the same price.

actually I agree with the pizza thing and maybe a film between your girls so they can argue bond like sisters and have fun.

Slushy- btw am very jealous of your abilities. I am terrible at hair and makeup. You should seriously consider making a portfolio of photographs of your work with weddings, and perhaps at some point if you're able you can turn it into a part-time business.

It's very rude of your friends to take advantage of your good nature, especially since you're saving them LOADS, especially for weddings. Perhaps they just think you enjoy it, I don't know. I know my best friend has always been very artistic, and has now made a lucrative career out of web design. I wouldn't dream of asking her to do a webpage for free for me. (though she'd likely offer assistance in some way.)

I'm off-topic, sorry!

Cakewench Sadly they know I get annoyed and usually ask 3 days before the wedding so when I say no they look all sad and say but I cant find no one else now and then like the soft hear'ted fool that I am I agree and end up doing the entire bridal party mum of bride and groom going to have to be firm and say no.

Sometimes I don't mind doing it as long as I offer to do it instead of a gift like at my sisters holy communion. Thanks though at least there is some benefit. Gone way off topic now sorry. I might make a portfolio I am hoping to go back to study when kids go to school so I may go for that .

I wouldn't pay my own daughter, no. Not after all teh abbysitting I've done for her .

And I'd remind her that there is a possibility she will ask me to babysit for her one day and she might prefer it to be free.

Looking after a much younger sibling would be different. More hassle.

I would if she was turning down paid work to babysit for you, otherwise no way.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I don't think she's being unreasonable either in asking for recognition/appreciation for going above and beyond what's normal within the household for her to do.

I say this as someone who did lots of baby sitting of my sister (nine years younger than me) (two evenings a week 5.30 - 10pm) and usually had at least one other week night when I was expected to entertain my sister to let my mum do other things. I didn't get paid for any of that - it was necessary to the functioning of the household, I had to do it and I didn't really mind (my only real objection was as she got older to not being able to start my homework until I'd got her to sleep).

I think I'd go with the getting her a treat, or at least letting her know how much you appreciate it in some way.

'Babysitting' (although it isn't really that) her 11 yr old sibling isn't the same as just staying in - she is taking on a huge responsibility.

She has the burden of responsiblity of caring for the 11 yr old - what if there is an accident, the 11 yr old decides to play up, etc?

Even if older children know where their parents are or who to call in the case of an emergency, they are still children and would find any problems stressful to deal with.

In the circumstances of the OP, no I wouldn't pay her.

I asked my 16 yo to babysit my 2 yo so I could go out for an evening to a dance, and did pay him that time, as it was "over and above" what I would consider "pitching in". (especially as she doesn't actually go to bed so he had to entertain her)

If however I ask him to watch her while I nip to Tescos to get some groceries- for everybody- then I wouldn't be impressed if he expected paying.

Like some others on this thread, I am coming at this from the angle of the oldest child - at 7 an 8 years older than my two sisters I frequently babysat, for short and long periods, and regularly missed paid work and on several occasions, school and college. I know my parents had no choice - they were both at work - but I do feel resentful and now feel quite strongly that childcare is a parents responsibility, and should not be classed in the same way as household chores.

In the situation the OP has described, I wouldn't make a one off sessional payment but would suggest increasing whatever allowance she gets in the understanding she provides occasional cover.

I would give her a little money for a pizza or something to eat or yes get her a £5-10 vouchers

The age gap between mine is too small for it to apply but if I were in your shoes I would pay my daughter as I feel it's not her job to look after my (other) child, its mine. I view this as I would having say, my mum or friend to babysit - nice if offered but not to be expected. I won't pay my children for things such as tidying their rooms etc as afaiac your mess - your responsibility to clear it up! Likewise I now expect my daughters to help with peeling potatoes, loading the dishwasher etc from time to time as they too will eat the food and use the plates.

We pay DSD to babysit dd1 and 2 if we're going out in the evening. (They're 6 and 3). But not if it's just for an hour or so during the day.

Agree with Valhalla about it just being a nice thing to do, giving her a small treat to recognise what she is doing to help with the family.

I didn't think the professional babysitter idea was without flaws Cakewench, I was just trying to see it from a 15 year old POV. I am 10 years old than my DB and regularly had to babysit. It can build resentment if there is no acknowledgement that this is something extra that is being contributed to the family. I resented the hell out of him, poor sod! I think the odd gift voucher from Topshop would have been really nice.

i have much younger siblings 17 and 21 yr age gaps and my mum always shouts me a takeaway/box of chocs or something, and on the rare occasion she has my two i do the same!

id be a bit peeved just being expected to do it without any kind of small thanks!