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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my family talking about personal things...

65 replies

susia · 08/12/2009 23:32

a few weeks ago I found a lump in my vagina. I confided in my mum, went to the doctor and am going to have it removed. A few days later my aunt rang me and said 'I'm so sorry to hear about your lump'...

All I said was I was upset that my mum has discussed it with her. I then tried to change the subject and she hung up on me!

My mum has since apologised to me but said my aunt is upset with me for not being able to discuss things like this with her. That my aunt is offended and insulted...that I shouldn't be so sensitive and secretive...it has ended with a terrible row with my mum.

I don't know what to do. I am mortified that my mum discussed this with my aunt and that I'm being made out to be the bad one in all this and feel that I'm being treated like a child. I'm 43 fgs!

OP posts:

Original poster

susia · 18/12/2009 22:33

yes you're right. I do find it really bizarre that she is so offended and even wrote to me about it...I'll just say ' that it's personal and I don't feel comfortable talking about it' as you suggest.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 18/12/2009 22:43

How old is she, 12?
I'd send her a card back saying that you were hurt that she felt she had the right to gossip with your mum about your genitalia and that you feel that she and your mother are the ones who should be apologising here not you. In fact I wouldn't write it, I'd phone her up and get the air cleared before Christmas. If she's still huffy thento be honest I'd look at changing my Christmas plans. She sounds like a "me, me me," drama queen who doesn't recognise it's about her but about you. If your mum won't come on side I wouldn't want to see her at Christmas if aunt there but would see her seperately a day or so later.

hester · 18/12/2009 23:05

YANBU. Absolutely not.
I have to say, though, in my family it would not have just been my aunt who knew, but second cousins three times removed on four continents.

When I got pregnant while still at school: relatives I had never even met rang to ask me if I was keeping the baby.

When my nephew lost his virginity, I heard about it within 16 hours of the deed.

So I share your pain. As my dp helpfully reminds me, when it comes to family, TRUST NO ONE.

Original poster

susia · 18/12/2009 23:07

2rebecca, I can't because I am on my own with my son and he would be devastated not to be spending Christmas with the family. I know its not me, it's her. Its just how to deal with her being in a strop with me about it or sulking.

OP posts:

scrummymum · 18/12/2009 23:22

YANBU. My DH has recently had something medical that was quite sensitive. He asked me not to tell anybody in my family as he was embarrassed but did tell his mum.

The other day, MIL was talking to me about DH and his problem and said "oh, I was telling Rita at school about his problem and she had this advice. I was just so that she had been telling random strangers. My niece (who MIL takes to school, only started in September so not even as if they are best friends). She has mentioned other people that have given advice too so she is obviously telling everybody.

Your aunt is being very childish. Try asking how her fanjo is if she mentions it again.

MarineIguana · 18/12/2009 23:29

Oh god I would never, never tell any family member any such thing for this exact reason.

Deprived of any fascinating beaver business or other private medical info from me to gossip about, my mum therefore wastes no time in telling me all about hers - it's awful. She's hardly on the phone for two seconds before regaling me with her latest gynae or arse-related woes, or her husband's (that's a sick face btw)

sh77 · 18/12/2009 23:37

Sorry for what you are going through and I hope it is all sorted soon.

I would be FURIOUS if that happened to me. So yes, YABU. You shouldn't need to tell your mum not to say anything. Saying that, your mum was probably very worried and needed to talk to someone. Still, I am with you on this one.

sh77 · 18/12/2009 23:38

Sorry I meant YANBU. New to this lingo.

Original poster

susia · 18/12/2009 23:43

the thing is I'm really close to my mum and even though I think she really shouldn't have spoken to my aunt I don't want to upset her as she hasn't been well (though she is totally defensive about it and feels she was in the right).

It's my aunt being in a strop about it that I can't deal with especially if she brings it up again. I just don't know how to say 'mind your own business' in a polite way.

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 18/12/2009 23:43

Maybe your mum was worried and needed to talk to her sister (is that right?)

If your aunt says anything to you just reply that you were caught off guard and did not intend any offence.

It might be worth trying to make it up with your mum about it and getting her on side to help if your aunt starts.

ps yanbu

almostreal · 18/12/2009 23:55

YANBU I would ask your mum to speak to her and tell her she is NOT to speak of this under any circumstances over the christmas holidays, this is a difficult time for you and you don't need the added stress.
If your mum is unwilling to do that, then tell her she wont be seeing you or DS over Christmas as you don't want to have to deal with this over Christmas.

nothingofthesort · 19/12/2009 00:41

YANBU at all. I would be upset too.

red37 · 19/12/2009 00:59

lol @ your beaver, your business

its ok I am pissed at my own mother for telling my private life on FB
thread

I would think it would be obvious not to discuss beaver issues with your Aunt ffs

red37 · 19/12/2009 01:01

this thread

MadamDeathstare · 19/12/2009 04:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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