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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my family talking about personal things...

65 replies

susia · 08/12/2009 23:32

a few weeks ago I found a lump in my vagina. I confided in my mum, went to the doctor and am going to have it removed. A few days later my aunt rang me and said 'I'm so sorry to hear about your lump'...

All I said was I was upset that my mum has discussed it with her. I then tried to change the subject and she hung up on me!

My mum has since apologised to me but said my aunt is upset with me for not being able to discuss things like this with her. That my aunt is offended and insulted...that I shouldn't be so sensitive and secretive...it has ended with a terrible row with my mum.

I don't know what to do. I am mortified that my mum discussed this with my aunt and that I'm being made out to be the bad one in all this and feel that I'm being treated like a child. I'm 43 fgs!

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 09/12/2009 08:52

oh I completely agree with you. In fact, I wouldn't even have told my mother that .

I had a gynae problem and dh told his mother (without me knowing) and while we were sitting round the table having tea with his mother and his aunt, the aunt said something along the lines of 'how is it going down below'.

I was incredibly upset with dh and loads of people on here said dh was perfectly entitled to speak to his mum about stuff like that if he wanted but ffs, not my VAGINA!

and lol at 'your beaver, your business'. I think I might print out Christmas cards for everyone with My Beaver My Business as the greeting inside.

pagwatch · 09/12/2009 08:52

I am with SolidGold re the mum. My mother worries terribly if any of us are unwell and whilst she would be quite calm talking to me I would know without doubt that as soon as we finished toalking she would phone my sister to have a and and [really scared] coversation.
Expecting her not to talk to anyone would be quite cruel.

My sister though would respect my privacy. The aunt in this case was a dimbo

And can I vote"your beaver, your business" as best of the week too

gingerbreadlatte · 09/12/2009 09:20

YANBU at all. I'd be furious.

However, "your beaver, your business" is so amusing that I hope it's made you smile

LittleOneMum · 09/12/2009 09:27

YANBU at all. This kind of behaviour from my Mum totally annoys me too. I still haven't gotten over her telling the entire family and all her mates that I was expecting DS, despite the fact that I'd previously had a MC and had told her absolutely on pain of death not to tell ANYONE before 13 weeks. What is it with them? Why do they feel the need?

LilRedWG · 09/12/2009 09:29

My Mum was like this. It got to the point that I rarely told her anything like this.

l39 · 09/12/2009 10:06

Your mum is being ridiculous calling you too sensitive! I had a similar problem years ago and told no one but my husband and GP. (Incidentally, something you don't want to hear when your GP looks at an embarassing lump is 'I've never seen anything like that before!' But it turned out to be harmless.)

No one would want their private business spread all round their family like this!

BackUpYourPhotosNow · 09/12/2009 12:07

LOL at piprabbit!!

nigelslaterfan · 09/12/2009 12:21

YANBU
your womenfolk are well out of order
they need bringing to heel imho!

picmaestress · 09/12/2009 13:04

YANBU, bloody hell! What does she want, photos?

I can't bear it when people are in the wrong, but then make up some reason for you to have 'wronged' them. They must be so angry and confused all the time...loons.

Hope you get better soon. And next time, don't tell your mum, it's the only way they learn.

Original poster
susia · 18/12/2009 21:17

I have just received a Christmas card from my aunt. In it she put a note that said 'I hung up on you because I was hurt'. Nothing else. I can't believe she is still taking the wounded stance and I will have to see her all over the Christmas period. I know she will bring it up then.

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 18/12/2009 21:25

.

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 18/12/2009 21:25

bump

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 18/12/2009 21:36

Tell her that you were wrong to get uppity about it, after all she was only concerned. And then show her the lump (wait until after the Queen's Speech, obviously).

Seriously though, if she still plays the martyr tell her you have enough to worry about with your health concern without having to look after everyone else's misplaced sensitivities.

queenrollo · 18/12/2009 21:38

if she brings it up just tell her it is not open for discussion and walk away. i think a dignified silence is the best way to approach it. At least over christmas anyway.

Original poster
susia · 18/12/2009 21:42

thanks but she is the sort of person who takes major offense over the slightest way someone says something. I have to be really careful how I phrase it or Christmas will be awful for everyone. On the other hand, I don't want to be made to feel in the wrong for not wanting to discuss it with her.

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brandybutterfly · 18/12/2009 21:43

Oh my God this so could be in Gavin and Stacey!!!

KurriKurri · 18/12/2009 21:49

Susia, I don't think you're being sensitive and secretive not to want to have your private medical details discussed by all and sundry.

As others have said, your mum should really have kept your confidence to herself, but she was probably worried.

But if your Aunt had any tact at all, she would have kept quiet unless you brought the subject up and said you wanted to talk about it.

She seems very sensitive about being 'hurt' but not very sensitive about your privacy.

KurriKurri · 18/12/2009 21:52

Have to say the idea of someone taking offense because they're not allowed to chat about a lump in someone else's vagina, is quite surreal

Hope you're feeling better soon Susia.

StewieGriffinsMom · 18/12/2009 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
susia · 18/12/2009 21:54

thank you all, but what to say when she brings it up over Christmas and/or isn't talking to me. She's bound to say, 'I was very hurt...' at some point.

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Original poster
susia · 18/12/2009 21:56

no I will see her over Christmas and for a few days as well. I don't have a partner so will just be me and my ds at my parents with her and rest of family.

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StewieGriffinsMom · 18/12/2009 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kinnies · 18/12/2009 22:02

Your Aunt is a right selfish cow!

In your Christmas card could you say somthing like - 'Dont worry about hanging up on me. I have bigger things to worry about.
Merry Christmas x'

I know its a bit passive aggressave(sp?)
But she is sooooooooooo out of order.

KurriKurri · 18/12/2009 22:03

Could you just say something like ' I'm sorry if you feel hurt, but I feel this is something private, I don't want to talk about it anymore, and I don't want an argument spoiling me and DS's Christmas'

Your Aunt is being rather odd, is she a gynaecologist that she has to know everything?

butterscotch · 18/12/2009 22:25

Could be my MIL or her sister your talking about!

They are hideous! If they wish to share the load of there worries they shoudl do but to each other not telling everyone and sundary!

I'd defo say something to your Aunt, along the lines of, I don't feel comfortable talking about it with everyone I'd much rather focus on making family christmas about the family and I'll deal with it in the new year!