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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIl has suggested we set up a webcam in Lounge so MIL can watch DD's open their presents xmas morning.

43 replies

merryandmad · 08/12/2009 21:54

My BIL has suggested it would be really great to set up a web cam in our lounge, so that MIL can watch the girls open their presents on xmas morning. I am absolutley horrified by this, AIBU?
Background
Neither DP or his brother live anywhere near MIL, but MIL is not coming for Xmas as her own mother (DP's granny) would have to spend xmas day alone. She therefore spends it with DP's gran, which admittedly will be a bit dull for her.
BIL has suggested that we could set up a webcam so that MIL could watch the girls open their presents.
But the girls are really early risers anyway (5am-530am typical), on xmas they will be even more so. MIL is not an early riser at all (typical 9am).
I am not prepared to make the girls wait and MIL will not get up that early. I know that anything before 7am and she will huff and puff at the great effort involved.
Dp has always made a big fuss about having xmas at home, waking up in our own beds etc. We do actually go to my parents for lunch, but always have to go on xmas day, after presents etc, because DP wants xmas morning at home.
If BIL was so concerned he could spend Xmas with MIL. His girlfriends family are from same area, so they could visit her on xmas if they really wanted, but not do lunch IYSWIM?
MIL and I don't really get along, but I feel this would be an intrusion to 'our' family xmas.
Would you tell BIL it's a bad idea, as DP is actually considering it?

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 08/12/2009 21:57

Does BIL know that your girls get up so early in the morning?

It is a lovely idea. I would put it to him that you really cannot make the DC wait 4 or 5 hours for their presents so unless MIL wants to get up at the crack of dawn, it is not really practical.

How about you save the family presents for late afternoon and open them with MIL watching?

PincoPallino · 08/12/2009 21:58

I think the min problem here is you not liking the idea because you do not get along with MIL.

My mother lives abroad and if I'd suggest a similar thing to DH he'd be more than happy to comply. I would not see any problem either in doing it for MIL as she's not with us this year. It is not an intrusion per se.

It seem to me that you feel it is an intrusion to your family because you, for whatever valid reason, see her as an intrusion.

GeneHuntsMistress · 08/12/2009 21:58

get in there quick (or get DP to get in there quick) and nip this in the bud PRONTO before it can get out of hand. just say "great idea in concept BIL but in reality timings won't work, kids up super early yada yada but you know what it's a great idea so we are gonna take it and run with it and VIDEO the kids opening the presents instead and hey why don't you drop it round to your Mum's on christmas day around tea time and then she can look forward to it all day...!"

2 birds with one stone and all that jazz. kill with kindness and ensure you are wide eyed and innocent in your enthusiasm for the great idea and the suggestion he gets his own lazy arse round there and lays off the guilt trip on you. mwah.

BosomForAPillow · 08/12/2009 22:00

You could video them opening their presents and MIL could watch at a convenient time. Then it wouldn't feel as if MIL were in the corner "watching" on the webcam so less of an intrusion and you'd have the video for yourselves too.

BosomForAPillow · 08/12/2009 22:01

x-post Gene. I also think BIL should hand deliver the video whilst on his way to keep MIL company, good plan!

rasputin · 08/12/2009 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TulipsAndTinsel · 08/12/2009 22:02

no, YANBU, i'd freak out at the thought of MIL watching us all on christmas morning.... being dragged out of bed at the crack of sparrows fart does n't exactly lead to one being paticularily camera friendly... add to that the chaos of excited little kids wanting toys opened and assembled for them and it'd be hideous!

you could if you were feeling generous offer to tape some of it with a video camera and let her watch it later ut tbh i wouldn't even be up for that on christmas morning

GeneHuntsMistress · 08/12/2009 22:03

great minds Bosom I love it when a plan comes together

ssd · 08/12/2009 22:04

tell BIL where to stick his webcam

mumonthenet · 08/12/2009 22:05

video's a great idea and, if you want to score extra brownie points with MIL, you could have the dc's say "Merry Christmas grandma" to the camera.

Original poster
merryandmad · 08/12/2009 22:06

We do video recorder everything anyway., so could email it to her or BIL. Can you email files that big?

Pino, its not that I see her as in intrusion, but we would also feel bad, aabout her spending the day alone with her 90+ mother, switching the webcam off etc. She is also the type of person to make us feel guilty to.

OP posts:
BosomForAPillow · 08/12/2009 22:06

Then a rendition of "We love you grandma"

Original poster
merryandmad · 08/12/2009 22:09

Ok. Video it instead.
Thanks

OP posts:
bigchris · 08/12/2009 22:09

god what's it got to do with bil?
will he even be there?
does he have kids?
how bizarre of him

ibangthedrums · 08/12/2009 22:19

I don't see it as such a bad thing in itself - timing issues aside. Due to the timing probs video is the best way forward

Put it this way though- if your parents moved away and asked the same thing - how would you feel?

scottishmummy · 08/12/2009 22:34

request in itself ok.you have other issues.

thesecondcoming · 08/12/2009 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jasper · 08/12/2009 23:02

dearie me, I hope that in years to come my children and their partners don't expect me to WANT to watch a videocam of my grandchildren opening presents on Christmas morning !

I think it is a bizarre suggestion from every angle

SantaClausImWorthIt · 08/12/2009 23:16

So you do 'your' Christmas, going to your parents, but not what your DH/his family might want?

What's happening here is a plea from your MIL to be part of your Christmas. She has obligations of her own which mean she can't be with you, which she probably would enjoy, and you admit that her Christmas will not be that enjoyable because of her obligations to her mother.

I think you're being a bit selfish to deprive her of the enjoyment of watching her grandchildren.

Technology might be the answer - e.g. film it and send her the film, or you could ask her to be up earlier to watch on a webcam.

Or you could be grown up about this and sit down and talk about it with DH/MIL.

Think about how she will be feeling on Christmas day rather than just what you want.

ConnieComplaint · 08/12/2009 23:23

I think it's a bit selfish too

She hasn't asked herself for dinner, or for the day, or to move into the spare room...

the request didn't even come from MIL, it came from BIL... who perhaps has heard his mum say how lovely it would be if things were different & she got time to see her grandchildren on Christmas day.... but with her obligations towards her own mother she doesn't have the time to spare.

It's only a webcam... your DP only has one mother... same as I only have one son & I would hate for this to happen to me in years to come

I am married to an only son & although it has taken me a while to 'get' his mum, I'm so glad it has happened. She's coming here for Christmas day & I will gladly wait until she has arrived before the children open her gifts.

purplehat · 08/12/2009 23:28

I think it's a lovely idea actually.

It is likely to make both her and her Mother very happy and isn't really going to affect you or your children is it?

NeedaNewName · 08/12/2009 23:30

Afraid I also don;t see the problem (timings aside).

As suggested, filming it might be nice - whats the harm?

Knownowt · 08/12/2009 23:33

I would hate it- I can't see how it wouldn't mean all focus was on the webcam, explaining things to MIL, rather than on what's actually going on in the room. It would make me feel really self-conscious.

I would suggest a compromise eg 10 minute chat on the webcam.

2rebecca · 08/12/2009 23:38

Why is BIL suggesting it? That sounds controlling. I'd never suggest this to my husband's sibs. If they want to do this they can sort it out themselves. I think this is something people decide to do if they're into having a candid camera approach to their lives. I'd hate it, but would probably do it if I lived in Oz or something.
What happens if kids forget about camera and are negative about their present? Do you wrap it up and do a retake? Sounds too much hassle. Relatives should get on with their own Christmas and not have proxy Christmases.

SantaClausImWorthIt · 08/12/2009 23:42

Wow, that's harsh! Put yourself in her place and imagine how she's going to feel! If you can't imagine that, just think about it as if it were you.

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