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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mum is being ridiculous? (another FC presents thread)

33 replies

BurningBuntingFlipFlop · 08/12/2009 15:29

I was just chatting to my mum on the phone and prompted by a thread on here. She has told DS 2.5 that FC will be leaving presents at her house for him. I said okay but can there be a stocking from FC and some from you? She said no, all presents are from FC, that's what happened when i was little (Yes both sets of grandparent did say this but i can't very well ask DH's family to say FC had brought all the gifts they've bought can i??)

I pointed out that when we go round to MIL's, her and all of DH family will be there and all presents will be from them.

She's really upset about this and has fallen out with me and said all her present will be from her and step dad now, all because i reckon that's confusing and i don't want ds to think they've not got him anything when the otherside of the family have spent a fortune (which they will) Honestly is that not utterly ridiculous?? I mean he's too young to care now anyway but WTF?

OP posts:
Original poster
BurningBuntingFlipFlop · 08/12/2009 15:31

plus you know she's had her turn with her children for all the christmas day excitement of FC, it's my turn now and really i think FC presents should just be left here.

OP posts:
titchy · 08/12/2009 15:33

Qyite agree - your children, your Christmas traditions.

Besides, FC really doesn't have time to visit two houses for one child

ChrisMissWooWoo · 08/12/2009 15:45

the older I get the more problematic christmas seems to get, especially now my dd is in the mix. I used to really enjoy christmas but now I've actually started to dread it - already had disagreements with dp, mum and sister over things like this. Grrrr. Can't believe it has come to this

ChrisMissWooWoo · 08/12/2009 15:52

oh and yanbu

helpYOUiWILL · 08/12/2009 17:01

a friend of mine had exactly the same problem with her in-laws. She had to tell them straight after all they have had their turn and it is confusing that FC would visit two houses. It was very much the case that the MIL wanted to mussel (?sp) in on the whole FC thing - but her turn has now past.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/12/2009 17:05

YANBU

I know xmas is for children, but that does not mean that grandparents are supposed to become childish.

ScreaminEagle · 08/12/2009 17:10

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CaurnieBred · 08/12/2009 17:13

My DD (5) received a letter from Santa this year telling her that he knew she was going to be in Scotland for Christmas this year so he was going to leave her presents at home and up at Gran and Pappa's house. Job done and she was delighted that Santa had written to her.

diddl · 08/12/2009 17:14

Santa only delivered for us at our house!

juneybean · 08/12/2009 17:15

screamingeagle thats what happened when I was little too.

Scotia · 08/12/2009 17:19

Is it really worth falling out with your mum over this? Your ds is neither going to know nor care who the presents are from at this age. You can always discuss future Christmases at a time when it's not so raw. It's not worth the aggro imo

mylifemykids · 08/12/2009 17:37

I agree with Scotia. My mum tells my children (4.5 and 3 now) that the HUGE sackful of presents at her house are from Father Christmas. My children have never cared who they are from - presents are presents in their eyes!

I do think it's a silly thing to do, but if they ever ask why nanny and grandad haven't got them any presents I'm sure my mum will change what she says!!

RumourOfAHurricane · 08/12/2009 17:42

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Undercovamutha · 08/12/2009 17:42

What would annoy me most would be your mums complete overreaction. She has thrown a bit of a strop and stamped her feet. Sounds childish to me.

I would stick to your guns, or you will be having your mum fall out with you over every little thing.

bigchris · 08/12/2009 17:49

i was a bit when mil bought stockings and filled them with prsents because we were spending xmas there
i told dh we were fc and were doing stockings not her
everyone told me i was overeacting
she gave the stockings boxing day morning from the boxing day elf

twooter · 08/12/2009 18:05

this would really, really irritate me. in fact, i feel myself tensing up at the thought.

Surely, Fc comes to everyone once, and to whereever they are sleeping on xmas eve. If GPs want to contribute to that, well fine, but it goes in with the rest, all mixed up.

Original poster
BurningBuntingFlipFlop · 08/12/2009 19:33

She's completely stopped talking to me now because i called back up to sort it out and it got heated again (got to laugh really!) because i said she wasn't my children's mother!

I don't know what to do now. She won't speak to me at all. It is crazy. She kept saying "no i am their grandmother and i just love them and want them to be happy on christmas day". She is apparently deeply hurt by me because i said she's done all this once already. She says i think she's redundant now, because she's had "her time". AARGHH!!

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 08/12/2009 20:01

bigchris:
"i was a bit when mil bought stockings and filled them with prsents because we were spending xmas there i told dh we were fc and were doing stockings not her everyone told me i was overeacting"

If you were staying at her house I can quite understand why she would want to do stockings TBH

We have family stay with us at Christmas and they all get stockings - adults included. I would be quite hurt if people didn't want them.

pooexplosions · 08/12/2009 21:20

I keep reading this type of problem here and I don't get it Why can't your mum do something different in her house? Anything regarding presents can be explained away by the simple fact that santa is magic! Kids don't care who got what, they want the stuff. By the time they get to the age to be asking whi bought what, when and why, they'll be growing out of santa beleif anyway.

If he asks, and at 2.5 I severely doubt it, you just say that Christmas is magical and peopel do different things in their own homes, thats whats fun. So Santa brings presents to your house, and to Nans house, but other nan told santa that he'd done enough and she bought some stuff too...or whatever.....

stealthsquiggle · 08/12/2009 21:28

If I had children staying I would agree with their parents who was doing FC, and if parents wanted to do it then I would find another way to give them the stuff (tree, maybe?)

This is theoretical, mindyou, because my answer to all such things is to stay at home - we always did as DC and never had this angst - maternal grandparents bought us far too much stuff which was delivered Christmas Eve, and paternal grandparents gave us more modest presents at New Year when we saw them.

Angst in our house is coming from 7yo DS who has gone to bed in floods of tears because he doesn't believe in FC but wishes he did and is yearning for the lost innocence of his 6yo youth

herbietea · 08/12/2009 21:33

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Original poster
BurningBuntingFlipFlop · 08/12/2009 21:36

Stealth, we are staying at home though. We'll be going around boxing day probably. I didn't care that much anyway. I was just trying to have consistancy with it all between gps. Didn't think it was fair that ds and dd thought all dh's family had bought them presents but not mine. Fair on gps that is. Heyho. She just wants it all her way and won't compromise, that's what this is really about. And she thinks because she sees dc as her own, they are.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 08/12/2009 21:40

You know what - you have told her, in the interests of inter-grandparent fairness, and that is really all you can do.

Your DS will in all probability work out some explanation which makes sense to him and your DM and will never make sense to you. IIWY I would deflect all questions with "I don't know, DS - why don't you ask Granny" and leave it at that.

kalo12 · 08/12/2009 21:40

i never believed in fc as i had an older sister that used to take me searching for christmas presents from day one. anyway, i never felt i was missing outand enjoyed christmas very much. whenever we asked our parents is fc real they would say- do you think he's real? have you seen him? where do you think the presents came from etc ,
so maybe you should just let your child go with whatever your family is doing, but then when he comes to you don't go along with their story just let him reach his own conclusions.

or just put your foot down and say 'no these are from grandma and the ones at home are from fc.

do not entertain bad behaviour from grandmas at christmas. its your parenting your way

Stigaloid · 08/12/2009 21:49

When i was growing up we only ever celebrated christmas at my parents house. our family home. People may have come to stay with us but in general is was mum, dad, brother and me. That is how i am doing it with my own family. Christmas day is for me, dh and DC's. This year mum is staying as i am having a baby in 9 days, but ever since DH and i got together christmas day was ours.

If this is going to cause a huge rucus why not say you aren't visiting on christmas day and will see them on boxing day when they can give their presents.

Santa only visits the child's home IMO. YANBU - she has had her turn to be FC in her family - it is now your time, your turn and your traditions.